This is not meant to criticize, but comes from hard personal experience. When I stopped compounding the school criticism of my daughter, there was a noticeable improvement in her behavior and our relationship. Before, when she'd come home with a note that said "late homework, missing homework, not following directions", detention or some other consequence or criticism of her distractible, forgetful ADD nature, I would lecture her, ask "why" and "how could you after blah, blah blah...." reminding her about how she had to do better, etc.because I felt like, as her mom, I was responsible for "fixing" her so the teachers would be appeased.
The busier we moms get, the shorter our tempers, the less tolerant of mistakes, the quicker the spankings. Children who get to where they don't care about what's taken away usually have had so much experience with getting in trouble, it probably doesn't faze them anymore. It's probably not a "thing" he wants, anyway, but more time and attention from you.
I'd reconsider adding more children into your household, as it will only stress both you and your son more. Try for one week to not criticise him for anything he does (except violence, of course)and point out all the things he did right, and I bet you'll see a calmer, happier child. It is remarkable how much we as adults dwell on the negative. And teachers are no different. They are overworked and want the quick fix: put hime on meds (or more meds), threaten, punish, whatever is the quickest way to get them to comply and be quiet. No matter that we are are crushing their spirits and their self-esteem -- as long as we get them to shut up and behave "NOW"...
I know money is an issue and you'd like to stay home, but after years of struggling with the guilt of working and not being able to provide MY vision of what a "good mom" should do, I finally realized that my daughter's idea of a good mom had nothing to do with home-cooked meals, clean laundry, even toys, etc. Kids are VERY forgiving of all that stuff. -- She just wanted me to forget the chores, all those OTHER people we feel so obligated to (and judged by), be less cranky and play a game with her.
Good luck, and I hope this helps put some things in better perspective.