Active 22 Month Old

It sounds as if she isn't with you in the day ("from the time we get home") and so she may just need some love & attention, and this is her only way she knows how to get it. Have Daddy tussle with her and wear her out, or run outside with her (rain or shine) and give her lots of safe places she can positively use her energy. You and Dad can talk while she's chasing the ball you threw. Also, get her involved in chores around the house so she feels like she's involved and useful. She can help set the table, stir in a bowl while making supper, unload silverware and plastics from the dishwasher, push laundry baskets around the house, etc. Use all that energy for good, and she won't have time to be hanging from the chandeliers. Stay one step ahead of her, and she'll follow.

First off, I re Your daughter and my son could be twins!

I was going to bed each night feeling horrible as I remembered how many times I yelled at or disciplined my toddler. I searched for other tools to deal with him in a more loving and positive way and the answer that worked for us was like a "DUH" moment.

Any time I tell him "no" (with the exception of dangerous urgent situations), I walk to him (which was an adjustment because I was always busy with something else), hold his shoulders facing me, make him look in my eyes, and I speak to his face while I have his 100% attention. I saw firmly "you may not climb on the coffee table (or play in the toilet, or stand in the window sill, or whatever), it is not safe. You'll get owies. If you climb on there again, you will sit in time out". I then say tell mommy... and he'll point to the table and say "no, no". I try to then leave him with another activity to do, but if he goes back to the forbidden thing, then I pick him up and set him in time out. Again, I hold his shoulders facing me, make him look me in the eye, and I say "mommy told you not to climb on the coffee table. Now you must sit in time out. STAY!". The time out concept took a few times before he understood that he has to stay put, but he now obeys almost every time. Just an FYI, swatting his butt did absolutely nothing but break his heart... I don't recommend it.

Good luck!

Tell your 2 yo what she can do. If she is standing on the table, make sure she has a climber that is appropriate and tell her she may go climb on the climber. If she is pitching a fit because she doesn't want her coat on. Then really look at the situation, is it going to be a big deal if she doesn't wear her coat to the car and then into the store. Take the coat with you and if she gets cold, just say, I see you are cold, I brought your coat. Make some time to allow her to do things on her own, such as get dressed, fix a snack, or clean. The tantrums won't go away, it is the nature of the relationship to have conflict. However, treating your 2 yo with the idea that she can do things on her own and may even know better than you if she is hungry, cold, hot or sleepy, will help keep the screaching to a minimum. If you and your husband are having a conversation and your children try to interrupt. Tell them when you are done with your conversation you will come and talk to them. Then do it.

A.,

Sounds like your daughter is testing exactly where the boundaries are. It's ok to put her in her room with her toys and walk away. I'm starting to do that with my 11 month old. Activity and curiosity are great, but the rest of your family needs you too.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Each child has their own personality and some are just live wires. That may not change. But how you deal with her can. Instead of telling her "no", tell her not to do this or that because of what may happen if she does (this should never include a threat or a punishment). In other words, give her a short, age-appropriate explanation. Help her understand why it's a no. And then ask her, for example, "Do you WANT to get hurt when that chair falls over?" Your questions should be designed to get the "no" from her. That way she's thinking about the consequences that will occur if she persists. Then say, (with a kind, loving voice) "Well, if you don't want to get hurt, then you better get down now before you fall." And she'll probably choose to come down. Children want to chose for themselves, and if presented with a short explanation of the consequences of a wrong choice, most of the time they'll choose the right thing. Two is not too young to start this procedure. This teaches her to think and to respect your wisdom. And try to figure out a way for you to be home with her during the day. She may be needing her mommy instead of a day care situation. All kids do. Some children are low-maintenance and when they grow up and move out, you'll realize you never knew them. Some need more parenting. So I strongly encourage you to do whatever it takes so this little girl has her mommy during the day and isn't so needy. Good luck! (PS, I've raised 7 boys).

I agree with some of the other advice, just letting her do some activities that she can enjoy by herself is a good idea. Sometimes kids just need to be by themselves and be creative and you can take some time with your hubby. It is hard the first couple times as they want your attention but it is worth it. I am not saying whenever she whines put her in a room by herself but if it is becasue she is bored that she is whining it usually helps. Just try to remember to find things she enjoys for her to do. Hope this helps!

Check out the books on "Parenting with Love and Logic." There are low cost classes taught in town, usually evenings at elementary schools, by school counselors who use those methods. It does work. :)

My daughter is exactly the same way! So active but she screams a lot. ALOT! We have found that putting up or away most things that she can hurt herself on or ruin has cut back on the NO!s but she still gets a few as she is creative about how to cause trouble. We found that spending time outside or in an unstructured playtime helps blow off steam and that making one on one time with her was important. Also, hubby and I gave up trying to talk to each other when kids are around. We found that car rides gave us some talk time, especially if we put kids music on in the back to distract them and we go to bed a bit early together and watch movies or just talk to make up for the time. We also "chat" online while he is in school if he gets a break or something. Writting emails and such is also a way to stay connected through the chaos. Give little hands lots to do that is ok. Good Luck, Jen
p.s. I am a bit hesitent to say but we do use the tv as a break tool. The shows are premonitered to be educational though.

Good morning A....well the good news is that this is a TOTALLY normal phase she's going through so you're not alone. The bad news is that you and your husband are really going to have bite the bullet now and come up with a discipline plan and stick to it 100% of the time no matter what. The way the two of you handle things now sets the tone with your kids on how things will be handled forever (for example, no means no, or no means ask 3 more times in a whiny voice and they'll change their mind.)

We really like the supernanny techniques...we use a naughty corner. She has a book that explains it in detail or just catch her show each week. It's on Wednesday nights at 9p I think. There's another really good book called "How to Behave So Your Kids Will Too" by Sal Severe. It basically reiterates the catching them doing good things even if on some days it has to be something really small because they're being so naughty. Kids will settle for bad attention if it's the only attention coming their way. I can remember saying "wow good job of jumping up and down you're really good at that" at one point. Of course she kept doing it because she loved that I was proud of her. But you can progress into "wow good job of picking up all your toys the first time mommy asked you! You're getting to be so grown up!"

Here's some quick advice on the bedtime routine: Get a timer (not your oven or they'll think something is going down everytime you cook...LOL). Tell all the kids that when then timer goes off in 10 minutes that it's time to put stuff away and brush teeth (or get in the bath or whatever your routine is). We even set the timer again after that and say when the timer goes off in 15 minutes whoever is sitting in bed with brushed teeth and toys put away gets a story. Kids thrive on a timer and a routine because they know what's coming (my pediatrician pointed out it's the same reason they can watch the same movie 100 times). Do NOT give extra attention to the 2 year old...treat them all the same. She has to learn it's bedtime even for her and when she doesn't do her part then she doesn't get the story. Praise the heck out of everyone who does it right...anyone who doesn't make it will be sad that they're not being included in the praising and missing the story that they'll try harder the next night.

I really think the bottom line to everything at this age is to pick a way to deal w/things and stick to it 100% of the time no matter what. Consistency is the key to surviving...

Good luck!

L.

P.S. I'm a sahm to 8 and 5 year old girls.

Your Dr. calls her an active child. So I take it that he/she is not worried about her being hyperactive? If she is then you need to find activites to keep her busy.

Can't help you. I think this is something every parent goes through. Of course she is asking alot of question's she's curious. I know your tired of saying no but just remember every time you give in you back track 100% for every yes there are 100 No's. Tis a phase that will pass give her about 6 mo. don't give in ever!! If things are not better at that point look into something else. Also remember she's frustrated too. Good luck

Hi A.,

I recently felt at my wits end with my 3 year old daughter - also a very busy and active child with some serious sass at times. Handling her behavior took a significant amount of my time and energy. What seemed to help and work with us was an entirely different approach. I realized for my daughter, sometimes it was about feelining in control of her space i started outlining our day and my expectations of her over breakfast. Telling her what we were going to do and that i knew she would help me by ....fill in the blank. I started making an effort to notice her when she was behaving and thank her for little things - rather than just breathing a sigh of relief that their was no immediate crisis :) I also started telling her what I liked about what she did that day, at night. I know people sometimes scoff at the whole focus on the positive thing - but she literally lit up and now she asks for my attention when shes doing something she knows Ill approve of. She still has her moments but I feel like they are fewer and we have a plan.... Hope this helps a little.

My daughter has also bee going through this and is starting to get better. Just stick to your guns and keep telling her no when it's necessary. This is when they start to really push their limits to see when they can make or break their parents. it's really hard and I also have a 2 month old on top of it all so my daughter pushed her limit even farther evey time I sat down to feed the baby. It really does get better just keep doing what you are doing and all of a sudden you will have one day where you don't have to tell her hardl;y anything then it rolls into 2 days and 3 days. She may have a few slip ups. I found that my daughter really hatyes to have to sit in one place for 10 minutes because she is so extremely active. She doesn't even watch an ounce of tv when it's on. Making her stay still has really helped A LOT!!!