Achilles Tendon Support Group for Spouses

I am reading this as he is not able to do anything while this heals. That does not give him the right to be abusive to you, which is what is happening. This is what I would do: set him up on the couch in front of the tv. Put a bedpan and toilet paper next to the couch. Put food and water next to the couch, also some towels, a trash can, the phone, and the remote to the tv. Leave for the day. If he is still pissy when you get home, tell him that if he doesn't change his attitude, you'll leave for the night. At that point, you should have a clearer view of what is in store for you after the baby is born.

He is acting like a child, a toddler, in fact. Don't fall for this routine. Even if he IS depressed, it doesn't give him the right to treat you like this. Ever. You can call his doctor for support, too. I doubt the doc would be happy to hear of the difficult time he is giving you, and is close enough to the situation to be a great help to you.

Now go lie down and take a nap :)

M., if I am understanding your situation correctly, you do not need a support group for spousal achilles tendon surgery. This is not an achilles tendon problem... this is a marital problem. It sounds as though you and your husband need intensive therapy. It sounds like you are both suffering from depression, but he is taking it out on you. This is NOT ok. You are not his doormat or his perverbial punching bag. You are pregnant and you need to be taking care of yourself. If you are serious about repairing the damage this is causing to your marriage and if you love each other, then you need to find a good therapist. I'm not from San Antonio, but I am sure if you start asking around, you can find a good one in your area. If he had his surgery on 8/23, then he should not be immobile much longer, but if for some strange reason he is, then get him a wheel chair and load him up in the car.

Big Deal! He had a surgery...you have to deliver the baby! Do you get all the support you will require after delivery? Probably not...my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of our fourth child. OMG! You would have thought he had open heart surgery! Finally after a couple of days of me doing EVERYTHING and he was particularly cranky. I told him look I know it sucks but we will just have to make the best of it. He says "what do you mean we?". Oh man.. I laid into him! I told him while your sitting on your butt with frozen peas on your area I'm doing EVERYTHING! Once I snapped on him he settled down. Men are big babies...God love em. Stand up for yourself and tell him this isn't your fault so stop treating you like it is! how long is it going to take for him to get back to life? I hope for your sake not long! Good Luck!

I have been through something similar to yours, and I feel for you. Did you know there is a thing called Antepartum depression? I read about it in Dear Abby, and it was only after that that I realized it was what I had. You can take some antidepressants until the 3rd trimester like Zoloft, and some docs say its ok to take the whole pregnancy, but I wasn't brave enough and stopped. You NEED to find a counselor to help you. Your husband probably needs one and medication too, but you can only make you go, you can only suggest that he go. You also might need a break from everything for a few days. Can you get away for a day or two? There are no easy answers, but I hope this gives you hope: it will go away, and it should pass, but the process is hard and being pregnant makes it much more trying on the nerves. I wish you luck and know that you are not alone.

My husband cut through all the tendons of his hand at work. Almost lost his hand. Had to have it all sewn back together, etc. He did not act like this.
He is treating you this way because he is bored? I'm sorry but this is not acceptable, I do not care what he is "going through". Tell him to line out another care giver because unless he straightens the hell up you are going to find a happier more peaceful place to spend your time. You do not have to take it. It is a marriage, not a martyrdom.

I have seen men go through the stages after heart surgery or some other really close brush with death that reminds them of thier mortality. I have never seen it after a routine surgery. Is it possible that this is his true personality? You are being given a super size dose of it right now, on top of the general whineyness that men get when they are sick. I think a support group is a great idea. I don't think they have one for that particular surgery, but if you broaden your target group a bit, maybe a support group for spouses of depression. My advice with him would be assertive and draw a line in the sand. The next time he meets your kindness with a bad attitude, I would put everything he needs within reach and tell him until he can show some gratitude and soften his tone you wont be available. Then go upstairs and take care of yourself for a while. Don't stay to argue, just drop it on him and walk away. Leave him enough time to get mad, stew over it, then rethink it, and come to the realization that he has been treating you badly.

You are right in that he is going through many different phases right now. I am impressed that you can be sweet and nice and trying to stay positive. There is a time to be sweet and caring, but once he gets rude or yells, then just quietly tell him that you will give him some space as he must be upset right now or tell him that you are sorry that you are upsetting him and that you will go in the other room. Just stay calm and sweet. He needs to see that he cannot take out his frustrations on you. When he has calmed down, be sympathetic to his needs (we all need sympathy when we have gone through surgery, etc.) and tell him that you understand he is bored, depressed, or whatever and you'd like to help. But if he gets nasty, just politely excuse yourself.

Not all people (men or women) have learned how to be gracious when they are in a situation they don't like. It's not just men who whine when they have surgery or other frustrating situations. I'm glad to hear that you have learned that. Now you just need to learn how to draw the boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.

As far as the family not being supportive, is he talking about extended family? If you have family or friends close by, remind them that he needs some sympathetic visitors and you could use a break to go run an errand or something. So many people want to help but just need to be told specifically what is most helpful to you.

Hang in there! You and your husband can get through this. Everyone just usually has a different picture of what this should look like and usually the husband and wife have differing views.

So what? He had surgery? We all have something done in our lifetime. The way he is reacting is silly. Yes men are babies but this type of behavior is way over the top. I would tell him the next time he responds ina nasty way that you have had it and that you will not tolerate his s@$# anymore. Give it back to him. You might just shock him into realizing he's being a jerk.

I had back surgery last year and it was bad. I neede hubby to get me off the toliet! I never once yelled, screamed and anything. I told him over and over how much I appreciated his help and that I couldn't do it without him. You need to remind you husband that you are a person too. Good luck!

He's ungrateful and you feel bad about it, if I read you right. Is he able to walk and get around on his own? I'm unfamilar with this surgery, I know where the Achille's Tendon is at the back of lower foot by the ankle.

Here's what I would do. Take your child and go visit your parents or a girlfriend for a weekend or a week if necessary. Tell him you will be back when he can grow up and remember you are pregnant and need lots of TLC. OOOOO poor baby had surgery. Ya that's just like the one I divorced.

I agree with the previous poster who said this isn't an achilles tendon issue. To me - it's a caregiver issue. Your hubby is dealing with something on his own that he has to come to terms with - telling him that's he handling it wrong or shouldn't be feeling that way is out of line. He DOES need to get help, from what it sounds like, but you can't force that on him. In the meantime, you need to take care of yourself and your baby. There's a great forum out there at WellSpouse - http://www.wellspouse.org/ - that's strictly for caregivers. It's a good place to vent and find support from others who are dealing with hurt spouses in bad places.