Accidents/parent Getting Upset

I could have written this.

I have the 'ability' to see the potential disaster/accident and he doesn't.

Just a LITTLE common sense will tell you if child does certain things there's a GOOD CHANCE there will be tears and a need for YET ANOTHER trip to the freezer for an ice pack when it all goes south.

There are many people who do this. It does not help. In fact blaming and anger makes the situation worse, hurts your husband, your child and yourself. Since you're aware that you get angry and blame you can stop doing it. Instead of telling yourself it's his fault or he should've done something different, stop yourself and say, it was just an accident. I will remain calm. Then don't say anything until you are calm and able to talk without blaming him.

After your addition. Yes, it's usual to get upset when it looks like the person should've been more aware and prevented the accident. It's still important to calm down before saying anything. When we approach someone in anger, they either don't hear us because they tune us out or they react in anger and miss the point. If you want your husband to be more attentive you need to talk with him in a respectful, understanding manner. "yes, dear, I know you were watching TV. Could you please look up and pay more attention so this doesn't happen again. Look at his poor little bottom. I know you don't want him to get hurt. etc.

I suggest we flip because on some level we have convinced ourselves that we wouldn't have let that happen. Our anger protects us from seeing that we're also less than perfect.

As you said "accidents happen". I never get mad when accidents happen while on my husbands watch. They happen on my watch too. Some of the accidents could have been prevented and others are just out of my control. Thank God I'm not married to someone who gets mad at me when my kid runs into a wall and needs stitches, or when my 3 year old rolls off the bed and bumps her head. Neither of us are wreckless but as you said accidents happen.

I dont get terribly upset because I know it wasnt on purpose. Just this last weekend, my husband was watching our son and our son fell off the bed. He was fine, it wasnt that far of a fall, and he wasnt hurt, it just scared him a little. I wasnt angry at my hubby, he felt so bad himself that I figured it was punishment enough.

Accidents happen, and kids will be kids and fall and get bruises. Just the way it is. Cant help them most the time. No matter how closely you watch a child sometimes things happen.

Kids fall. They get scrapes, cuts, bruises. No matter how hard I try they are going to get bumps. Do you get mad at yourself if if they fall and get hurt to the point where you blow up. Most likely not but you need to afford your husband that same behavior. I do get mad if for some reason he is not watching them and they get hurt but I can't expect him to have all eyes trained on the children 100% of the time and unless it was truly negligent I don't worry about it just make sure the kids are okay and move on.

i woulda been way more ticked about the keys in the car with the kid then a bump on the head. my son is so darn clumsy. he ran into two chairs from the dining table knocked them both over and knocked a hole in the wall on the bar and also had a huge knot on his head AND a scrape on his neck from it. my husband & i were walking out of the room right after him. it's just something that happens. kids fall, some more than others. i would also be ticked about the poopy diaper. THAT is something that can't be overlooked. it smells. and unless my husband had a smelling malfunction, he would hear about that.

No I don't get upset- but I think it is in large part due to the way I know he handles things with the kids before and after they may get hurt. It is the same way I would.

If it was something I specifically said was a bad idea because someone was going to get hurt but it was done anyway and someone gets hurt, yeah, I get rather pissed.
But if it's just something that happens because accidents happen, no. Can't stop my kids from hurting themselves, we've tried LOL

My husband and I don't do that to each other, but we are both super attentive and know that accidents happen, and even the most intelligent person can't be 100% on their game all the time.

My BIL totally freaked on his wife for something that she would NEVER have tried to do. She accidentally pinched his fingers in the car seat strap and felt absolutely horrible about it. He just couldn't fathom WHY she would have done that- as if she wanted to hurt their baby! Good grief.

Yes, your husband needs to be more on top of things. I don't care for the glued to the tv person who can't tear themselves away long enough to care for a child. That's irresponsible parenting!

Oh where do I start? It seemed for a while that my son was at the ER all the time. I mean seriously, when you walk in and the admin says "Hey S. we haven't seen you and Chase for a month. Want the same room"? That's bad! My husband travels all the time so it always happened on "my watch". The concussion, not my fault, it was a sledding accident. The hand getting slammed in the trunk. Okay, that one was me. I felt so bad! He broke his ankle, yay, that happened on his father's watch! And several other incidents. He's a boy what can I say? He loved being outside and playing army man.

Stuff happens. I know my husband didn't hurt our son as well as he knows I didn't hurt our son. Stuff happens. That is called life deal with it and move on. Blame is not productive!

I get annoyed. Why do the accidents only happen with Dad??? My son chipped his tooth and I was only gone for an hour!!!

My husband freaks out. I don't. There has been only one serious accident while I have been "on duty" and the kids were in the basement at my parents and my 5yo ended up needing stitches in his head. I got yelled at for not watching him..even though at home they play in their room all the time and neither of us are sitting on the floor supervising. My older child got bit in the face by a 2 dogs and on the finger by another all while with my husband and I never got mad at him(there was no way he could have seen it coming in all three cases) so I always bring that up as he is freaking out over dumb stuff that happen to kids. It ususally shuts him up. I think it's unfair to get mad it's not like the person in charge wanted the event to happen. Although I think as far as the poop in the pants goes your husband sounds too lazy to clean it up and is waiting for you to do it.

This is why they are called accidents. I have witnessed people getting all huffy and pissed off and it doesn't do anything but make situations much worse. This is a learned behavior and you can control how you react to situations. The only thing you are doing by behaving this way is making people not respect you and raising your blood pressure!!

nope. the world is full of bumps, bruises and worse.
khairete
S.

Well the thing is accidents will happen. You can turn your back for a split second and something happens. Here is my story..... We took our 2 yr old daughter to the waterfront to feed the ducks. She asked me for another piece of bread and I turned to my husband to get it and when I turned back around she was gone. She fell off the dock that had a fence around it. She fell between the slats. I panicked and my husband went over the side to get her. Along with 3 other ppl that jumped into the river to get her. She ended up underneath the dock and my husband couldn't reach her. One glorious man swam under the dock and handed her to my husband. Luckily my husband had been teaching her to swim and she stayed afloat. As the man was handing her to my husband she thanked him and I was grateful that he was there to get her out. We all cried that day. So we take her to see that man every chance that we get. I want him to know how grateful I am to him for saving her that day. He calls her is little angel.
As for not changing him that is just sad. He was probably hoping that you came home sooner so that he didn't have to do it. Just remember that things happen for a reason and try not to get upset with him too much or he will not want to be alone with your son for reasons that you do not trust him. And you are right, it's out of fear more then anger and thats what moms do. But when you feel the need to yell, stop for a minute and count to 10 and calm down. Have a discussion with your husband and tell him how you feel about him not taking a few minutes to change his diaper. Wishing you the best!

Well, so far our baby hasn't gotten hurt in his father's care... Only in my care (He only sees dad on the weekends because my bf has to live an hour away for work... So baby is in my care a majority of the time).

He just fell off the couch for the first time a couple weeks ago while I was on the phone with bf and making a bottle for baby. I flipped. I was crying harder than our son. After making sure that Oliver was okay, my bf just kinda laughed and said something about it being the first of many childhood accidents.

If that had been reversed, I can guarantee that I would have been PISSED at my bf.

One of the home accidents with our daughter was when she was 3 and home with me. Sunday morning, getting ready to go to church. Cute dress, new shoes with those weird rubbery crepe' soles. She stood a few feet away showing me how cute she was and I held my arms open and she came running toward me. Her shoes caught in the carpet and she started a nose dive right toward the coffee table. I am shocked at how fast your mind works and I had enough sense to stick my hand out to cover the edge of the table so she'd hit my hand instead. Well, great plan if it had worked, but instead, my timing was off just enough, she fell and met my hand mid air, and my fingernail went right across her eyelid. Scraped the skin right off. I felt really awful! She seemed to be ok after a couple minutes, and I put ice on it. So, ok she's fine, and off to church we went. I took her to the 3 yr olds Sunday school class and went to the church service for an hour. Went back to get her after the service and there she sat on one of the teachers lap, being held and rocked. Poor teacher with a paniced look on her face! They had noticed her eye swelled shut and assumed something had happend to her while in their care! They were saying how sorry they were and how they thought they were watching closer..They felt terrible.(This was long enough ago that they didnt page us from the service or come find me,) but they were so worried about her and I was so embbarassed.I told them what had happend. It made me look as if I didnt care about her, but really, when we left home it was just a little red scrape and you could barely see it when her eyes were open. Stuff happens even when all you wanted to do was hug your kid! Ive always been able to picture how an accident happend, so I dont blame anyone usually, but I sure do wish it hadnt happened.