My daughter has been potty trained since around 2. She's been doing great at going to the bathroom since 3, rarely any accidents. Recently though she has started having accident's more often (usually once per day). She will tell me "Mommy, what I was doing was more important than going Potty" or "I was going to go but then I Freezed myself and I couldn't". Usually I just tell her no more juice (she only gets two juices a day) for that day or the next day (depending on when it happens). But that doesn't seem to be helping.
Any suggestions?
When my 3 year old was doing this, I asked her which took more time away from what she was doing? Putting her pee in the potty or having to take a shower and change clothes?
She quickly stopped having accidents after she realized it was just easier to use the toilet.
She's busy. Remind her to take a potty break. I still tell my 8 year old to "GO PEE!"
You might think that once it's nailed down at 2, you're fine from then on, but as you're finding -- that's not always the case. At 5, she is SO busy and involved in what she's doing that she simply does not want to stop to go to the bathroom, and she's smart and self-aware enough to know that her busyness is the problem; I bet most kids this age wouldn't say "What I was doing was more important than going potty," so that's pretty smart of her.
Now the next step: She needs to start understanding that nothing she is doing is more important than "going potty" even though she really, truly, honestly thinks the opposite. What you can do is remind her at regular intervals she must go to the toilet now -- not "In a few minutes, mommy" or "After I do this, mommy," but at the time you ask. And ask frequently. She will of course say, "But I don't have to go," and then you can reply, "Until you are able to stop playing yourself, and get to the potty in time, we'll just have potty breaks so you are comfortable and dry and can keep playing without having to change clothes." Do not make her feel ashamed or self-conscious because this stage is very normal with a lot of kids as they get very engaged in their worlds. Just be matter-of-fact that she has regular breaks even if she feels she doesn't need to go. She will eventually get out of this stage. But you may hit some resistance on those "I don't need to go" times, so be ready to make it a condition of play that she also go to the potty when told, or playtime's over.
If this is happening to her at a preschool or kindergarten, you will need to work with the teacher there and find out if they have regularly schedule breaks where they tell the kids it's time to go, or whether they rely on the kids to ask to go when needed. Your daughter may need to be reminded for a while -- though in kindergarten I think it's not likely that the teacher has time to do this for individual kids, unfortunately.
Also, be sure that if the accidents are at home or when you are out with her, she has responsibility for changing her clothes (carry extra clothes and a ziplock bag for dirty ones when you're out); rinsing out the dirty underwear, pants or skirts, socks, etc. and putting them into the washer; wiping up any puddles on the floor and throwing away the paper towels, washing her hands well, etc. Every time! She eventually will see that all the time she has to spend doing these tasks is time she could be playing instead -- if she just gets to the toilet in time. Again, don't make this punishment; but be matter-of-fact and calm about it: "You're a big girl and that means you're big enough to clean up when there is an accident. The better you do with getting to the potty in time, the less you will have these chores."
As for the juice -- that doesn't seem to be the issue, especially if she is telling you directly that she is too busy doing other things and "freezed" herself, which sounds like a variation on "I was too preoccupied." If she has been fine with toileting until now, she does not have some kids' confusion about feeling the urge to go; this sounds like it's really about just not wanting to take the time. It's typical and will pass but do have her be responsible for cleanup, and send her to the toilet on a schedule for a while.
She probably really is just preoccupied with playing or reading or tv and is just holding it for so long that once she realizes she REALLY needs to potty, it's too late.
She keep reminding her frequently "do you need to potty"? That has always helped with my little one who is four. I ask her every 2 or 3 hours "Do you need to potty"?
Hope that helps!
I agree 100% with everything Leigh R. said!
No punishments, just matter of fact, this is what needs to be done kind of tone, lots of reminders to go potty, especially when you see her start to wriggle around. It really does sound to me like she is just in the stage where she is having fun and truly too busy/too preoccupied in what she is doing to stop and take a minute to go potty...but after a few times of having to take the time to clean up and get in the shower and re-dressed she will eventually get that it's just quicker to take the bathroom break!
Try your best to keep a close eye on her and remind her *often* to stop and try to go potty and be quick on catching the accidents right as they happen so she really feels the effects of having to stop whatever fun thing she was doing (too fun to stop and go potty) and then have her get cleaned up before going back to what she was doing then a reminder of how much faster she would have been back to her game if she just would have went potty.
This will pass. Don't stress.
first off i don't know that this is normal so if there's something going on (marital stress, moving, new baby, etc) that might be part of the cause.
but i have a 5 year old little boy (and everyone seems to think little boys are so behind little girls) and i will tell you that yes, if he had accidents, i would not make it all flowers and roses on him. it's not okay. "having something more important to do" is not an acceptable reason to have an accident. why NOT time out for it? it's a behavior issue. you don't have to get angry or be mad, that's not what it's about. it's about her knowing better and choosing to do the wrong thing. period. there are times when worrying about her self esteem is appropriate, i don't think this is one of them. she SHOULD be uncomfortable if she decides to wet herself. she's 5. she needs to help you clean it up, get a warning, and if she does it again, she goes to time out. (and i know this sounds harsh. i absolutely would give lots of reminders. but at the end of the day, it's her body, SHE is responsible. pt is the first "job" we expect them to do. it's THEIR responsibility. that's the point.)
It seems to me that if she doesn't want to stop what she's doing to go, the logical consequence would be to send her to her room and make her sit on her bed and not allowed to play. That way she will realize that it's better to stop playing and go potty because if she has an "accident" she will lose out on much more valuable play time!
yeah she is busy now and having fun and into something. She doesnt want to stop what she is doign to have to go to the bathroom. LOL
One of mine was the same...I found the more I tried to make it happen...the worse it got. I don't know if it became a control issue? (I'm gonna pee when I want to, you can't make me go!)...or what? But once I backed off...it took a couple days...but it went away and hasn't been a problem since! Once my kids were older (5+)...I also just told them that it's not healthy...you can get bladder infections...etc. And that will interrupt their playtime a whole lot more!
I would not withhold juice and water from her due to an accident. It is not something to be punished for at all.
As a sub teacher in the classroom about 1-2 times a week, same school, 1st grade, we see this happen more than you think. It happens with boys and girls. The nurse keeps a stash of clothes for changing just in case of emergency.
We NEVER chide the child for an accident. They are usually very embarrassed and we do whatever possibly to shield them from any further embarrassment.
It is something they will grow out of... Howwever, to ease your mind, you might want to call your pedi and just ask questions about it.
Good luck.
I also have a 5 year old daughter who has had more accidents lately. I don't worry about it. She usually makes it to the bathroom but not quite to the toilet. I ask her to at least TELL ME when she has that kind of accident so I can clean it up properly.
At this age they are having massive brain development. Is she getting ready to read? This could be the kind of regression that precedes that kind of milestone.
I wouldn't worry about it unless it's a real problem at school or with her care provider. She'll grow out of it again. Just know her little brain is on fire with learning and excitement right now.
