Absent Dad Not Wanting to Pay Child Support

Call his bluff. He may not be 'interested' in custody AT ALL, but he is OBLIGATION to support his child...whether he lives down the street or in Timbuktu!

IDEALLY I hope your ex has made a written threat, or a recorded one on voicemail. The whole "If you keep coming after me for child support I'm going to sue for full custody. Drop the child support and I'll drop the custody."

If so DO bring in that documentation with you.

But you've already got tons of ammunition because he has not only been absent for 18mo, demanded a paternity test, and has been not paying.

Judges are sometimes biased, but they aren't stupid. They'll see him weaseling. But absolutely ABSOLUTELY absolutely get a good attorney. Never, ever deal with the legal system without one.

Unless you've been serverely negligent or endangered your child, he has no case.
What the court will see is father that ducks supporting his own children, tried to get out of it with a paternity test, and only wants retribution.

Don't worry mama.

Keep in mind that courts give crack babies back to their crack addicted mothers because "mom is always best". Severe and bad example...but to make my point...he'd have to have some pretty serious and several examples of you neglecting your children for the court to even consider taking them away from you.

Empty threats my dear...He simply is trying to scare you because he doesn't want to take responsiblility for his son. While I doubt he'd get joint custody he will be awarded visitation. You will get your child support. Stand firm and proceed with it.

Umm, paying child support is a DEAL compared to actually covering ALL the things kids need. Sooner he figures THAT out he'll change his mind.

If he is the child's father he has equal chance of getting him. It is his word against your so if your attorney says you need to get character witnesses get those people in your life that have credibility. Parents are biased and would of course say nice things about you, you need professional working people who are friends with you and that care for your child.

We have 3 child welfare workers at our guardianship hearing prepared to testify about the investigations in to my daughters referrals, we had the kids caregivers presents also, we had notes from his pediatrician and counselors, we had certifications from parenting classes, and pages of calendars showing what we did on a daily basis. We came prepared for war and she didn't even show up.

Be over prepared and have credible witnesses that say you are a good parent, have receipts showing you pay for things for him, not your parents receipts, show proof that you are providing a home for your child, show proof that you are buying his food and clothes.

A woman that had worked for me as my baby room teacher for some time had a child. Her husband and she divorced. He filed for custody and won based on her not being able to financially provide for the child. She lived in a whole floor of her mothers home. She had her own room, the child had his own room, other members of the family also lived in the home too but in different parts of the home. This was a young woman that had been from a loving wealthy family, they had 3 1/2 floors in the home, 8 bedrooms, 3 living areas, a large kitchen with large formal dining room, a game room, sewing room, laundry room that was nearly half of the basement, and had a large swimming pool in the back yard.

He won, she only had supervised visits for 1 1/2 years due to her "lack" of ability to provide for her child. Until she had her own apartment, vehicle, full time job after college classes were finished, and was able to prove she was paying her bills with no help, that is when she started getting visitation in her home.

He died and the man's grandmother tried to keep the child from the mom again but lost. The mother had more claim to the child than the grandmother. She now has her son and is raising him well.

This is the oldest game in the book. If you think he really does have something to present to the judge, that's another story, but otherwise: judges see right through it. To save yourself the agony of going to court, though, you might try showing him (your ex, I mean, not the judge) a budget. As in, these are monthly expenses for raising a child. Here's the total times 12. Now here's THAT total times 18. Here's the current cost of four years of college at UT Austin, including room, board, and incidentals. Now, just for comparison, here are monthly, annual, and lifetime totals for child support. A lot of math, sure, but a whole lot easier (and cheaper) than going to court. He may change his selfish little mind right there.

Totally agree with JB. One added thing. Him showing stupid pictures (that is if he really has them) will just make him look worse and hot headed to the judge. Just keep you calm and things will work out in your favor. My sister is an attorney, she says the courts always try to keep the kids with the mother.

First of all, do you feel you are an unfit mom? I'm saying that because if you feel you've been a good mother, then what's the problem? How bad are these pictures, or his proof, are they true? Give him the paternity test, he has to pay for that anyway... And if he tries to file for full custody, file jointly with him...

A family judge knows what he is doing. Your son's dad thinks he is so smart with first the stalling and now the custody threats. Just be honest and it will be ok....

In cases like this, most of the time the child is better off without the absentee father. If he refuses to pay support, but then threatens to take custody?? He's clearly trying to avoid his responsibilities. If you can, I'd leave the child support issue alone. While you shouldnt bestuck to pay for the expense of raising your child alone, it sounds like you'd both be better off. An old saying m dad used to tell me was, "Don't cut off your nose just to spite your face" LOL Wierd I know, but it makes sense. Don't push the support issue to prove a point. If you can do it without him, do it. Once you push this issue enough his rights will keep increasing. And do you want that? Do you want him coming to take your child for long weekends or two weeks at a time, JUST because he can? Not that he really wants to? I know its not fair, but what is most of the time? Raise your child, tell him to pound salt and move on with your life. He obviously doesnt deserve to be a father!

From now on only correspond with the father thru email and save ALL of it. You may need it in the future for documentation. Even say things like "you haven't seen him in 8 months, etc". if he doesn't deny that he hasn't seen him, then that is proof that he hasn't and not just your word against his. Good luck.

Yes a judge will see right through this. Don't be afraid of him - unless you really are an unfit mother doing drugs in public or someone has pictures of you pole dancing or something, you have nothing to fear. Guys pull this kind of BS all the time and unless there are actual reasons to question your parenting ability it will get him nowhere.

Yes, I think a judge will.

You just be honest and stay calm...be honest about the amount of time the father has actually spent with the child....even the phone calls he placed to you asking about the child...it will all paint the judge a picture.