About to Go Through Another Breakup!!

Hi J.,
It's kinda hard to give you advice without knowing more details. Like, what does he mean to you? What exactly is the crossroads? Just based on what was said, if you really enjoy and like him a lot perhaps you guys could just take a short break? See other people? Relationships are so sticky and complex sometimes, (for example...you don't want to let a good thing go...you still need your freedom...perhaps you have trust issues...)I hope the best for you...I am totally here is you need to 'email' or chat with someone. Anyway that's what I think, I don't know if it helps or not...Good Luck and let me know.

After my first divorce I like you was a wreck. I had two children and met a wonderful guy that was totally in love with me. I ended up marrying and having another child. He even adopted my kids from my first marriage. I questioned marrying him in the beginning because like you I wondered if I was really in love with him. It took me 7 years to realize that I wasn't. I married him for all the wrong reasons and tried to convince myself that I was in love I think in part because of my fear of being alone. It was unfair to him, unfair to my children and yes even unfair to me. Like I said he was/is a great guy and loved me like no one else ever had but when all was said and done I was never "in love" with him.

Think things through make sure you are with him for the right reasons and yes if you decide you are not in love with him then let him go. It is rough being alone but as I am sure you know it is rougher being in a relationship that is not right.

Just my two cents worth...

K.

Woh J.!
I had to read the by line twice, because I thought maybe I wrote that message! .........I can't believe how similar our paths are.....!!! I am going down almost the exact same line as you and have just started letting go of that man.........
Let's talk more..
Take care,
Tam

How do your kids feel about him? If he is good to your children, that says a lot about him. If it's dating, I say give it a chance and see where it goes. As long as he treats you with respect and you're happy around him, he can't be too bad of a guy. Your true feelings for him will show when you are at a most comfortable point with him. I'm sure that he understands that you have just divorced and that your heart is still tender. He loves you and he'll wait until you feel the same. Best Wishes!!

J., I wouldn't breakup unless I knew for sure that I didn't love him if he was that much in love with me. True love isn't easy to find. If he has a good job and is kind to you and your daughter, I would really think before I did anything and weigh the good and the bad. "What may happen if I do this or that....how will it affect me and my child or will I break someone's heart?"

wow, i can't believe how familiar that sounds. when my husband and i separated due to alcohol problems and he refused to go back to marriage counseling after 2 sessions i was devestated. i met a great awesome guy at a Saints football game that year, and we began to date. but he lived in dallas and i lived in southern louisiana. we saw each other as much as possible but it was hard. my family was furious i was dating someone, and i had filed for divorce because i knew my husband wasn't changing. they turned their backs on me and their granddaughter. so i had no one, he was there for me, so i moved in with him. after i moved in with him i found out he was still married but separated from his wife. after i was there about 5 months he decided he needed to go home to his wife and kids. i was such a fool to get involved with someone so soon. everyday i regret what i did getting involved, i realize now that i needed the emotional support and my family wasn't there for me. i am now engaged to a wonderful man who loves and adores me and my daughter. i met him at church, and we continue to go every sunday and pray together for a strong marriage and life. i dont' know your religiou belief so i please forgive me if i offend you, but maybe pray for guidance and strength to do what is necessary. a dear friend once told me "you have to love yourself before you can love someone else" and it took me a long time to understand that and until i understood that i went from relationship to relationship. but then i found love in myself. look inside of you and find what it is that you are looking for and need. i will keep you in my prayers.
M.

Sounds like you just need a shoulder to lean on or a girls night out to talk. I have been through many relationships in my life both good and bad and getting involved to soon after divorice can make you question how you really feel for someone? Ask yourself what made you want him in the first place?Do you still see those same things in him or not?Well write me and we we can chat more ...R.

J. you need time to find your own identity. It is not fair to the person that you are involved with. He is a rebound. I went into the same situation. The marriage only lasted 3 years. Actually, I knew that marriage was over within months, but I stuck it out. Investing the time in getting to know yourself is a struggle, but worth the effort.

Cyn E.

Dear J.:
Do you not know or do you know you are not? You obviously think he is a great guy, so why do you feel compelled to break up? If you feel strongly, stay. If you don't think he's it, break up. You did not mention either how close you are, relationship or friends-only? I guess only you can tell what you want. Just be aware that after a break-up he may not hang around as a friend anymore. If you have not made it past the 'friend' stage, you don't need to break up - you are not together.

Regards,
W.

Before you go through another breakup think about this. Can you imagine waking up the rest of your life without this man. Love does not mean wine, roses, fireworks and explosive passion all the time. You are who you are because of what you have experienced in the past and if he is totally in love with you the way you are then you must be totally awesome. SO break open the door of your wounded heart, let him in completely and DO NOT LET THE EMOTIONAL PAIN OF THE PAST CONTROL THE JOY OF THE FUTURE!!!!!

Think before you act
C.

You need to think about what's best for your daughter and be a role model for her. She needs you.

Hello J.,
You don't mention how old you are.
Alot of young people (including me, when i was younger), think that love is, that all head over heals and so on feeling.
As weard as it sounds, but their are more important things than 'love'. A partner has to be there for you , no matter what,
shouldnt let you hang, should take part of his/ her life, be concerned, be trustworthy, talk to you and support you .
Maiby, if you want, and since he has all these feelings for you, time will tell, if you both have the qualitys for true love, for each other. If i would of known, what to look for earlier, my life would of been better. And the years go by so fast, and people can give their best years in life to the wrong person.
Maiby you could also test him. Does he do all those things,
is he just infatuated? Time will tell, you don't have to rush into anything anyways. I know i sound korky, but later on , if all you have is 'love', and nothing else, it;s not going to go anywhere. I wish you the best, A.

What catches my eye is where you said "I just don't know if I am in love with him because of the emotional wreck I was because of the divorce". He was there for you to pick up the pieces. It doesn't matter HOW you fall in love with someone. What matters is whether or not you really love them. I met my husband after a terrible relationship and we've been married 8 wonderful years now. Love isn't the butterflies you feel in your stomach every time you see that person, or even finding someone "perfect". It's the connection you have, the friendship you make, the desire to make them happy, and not wanting to picture your life without them in it. It's seeing the imperfections and wanting to be with that person anyway.

Do you honestly not love him or are you just afraid to love him? Search your own heart before making any decisions. You don't want to string him along if you don't, but you don't want to let go of what is meant to be either!