A Tough Question

My daycare records the rooms and keep it on file for 30 days. If something like this were to happen to my son then I would want to see the footage. Does this place have that? If so, look at the footage and see what really happened.

You said you also work at this center. I would pop in several times a day and see how things are going. I would make sure he is being treated nicely and with repect. If she is hitting your child, chances are she is also not being very nice to him in other ways. Is there any way you can watch how she interacts with your son without her knowing you are watching. Six months is a really long time for a child. If you feel your child is not being treated nicely, you need to get him out of that situation!! I work with small children and I would never nit a child, no matter what!! It takes a lot of patience to work with young children, maybe she should not be working at the daycare!

I am sorry this happen to your son. I would want her removed from that position. Can I ask why you would put your child back in the class that she is in. What if she does it again you will feel horrible that you put your child back in her class. He is only stuck with her for the next 6 months if you decide to put him back in her care. You say you are ready to fight for your child.......I would want her removed. I know if he was mine he would not set foot in her class again.

No disrespect to Julie but I am hoping she is not serious!!! If she spanks her child then that is her business but NOONE should ever touch your child!! There are laws to protect children from this type of behavior. I own a childcare center and we have had plenty of children who as you said can test the boundaries, however we have never touched a child, or grabbed a child in that manner. I will always tell my staff if you need a break (because they are becoming overwhelmed just call for me) If I were you I would tell your director or who ever runs the center at your job that you will not pursue her job as long as your son is no longer in his classroom. Potty trained or not, they can simply come get him every 2 hours and change his diaper. If this women clashes with your son's strong will then she is not a positive person to have around him. If he is pushing her buttons then I am sure it will happen again, and who knows maybe her treatment of him will get even worse. I say why risk it. There are situations where certain children just do not jive with certain teachers, and I don't think being potty trained or not should be a factor. I too move children to different rooms when they are in the process of being potty trained, but in this case I would insist my child be taken away from her (even if he is not) and put in a different room with a different teacher. As far as your son I would continue reinforcing good behavior and give consequences when he does not. My other question would be isn't there an assistant in the room who can also be questioned? Is the classroom out of ratio that this teacher is overwhelmed? There is a difference between being strict and being a bully, or mean to a child. I am very strict, but I am also very loving there is a difference. The children will come to me for hugs, but they know when they have misbehaved that I will also give them consequences. If your son is not behaving then he needs to have boundaries set and consequences given when he does not follow them. Learning the rules is what preschool is all about, if this teacher can not stay calm to implement and teach the rules then maybe she is in the wrong business.

Yes that is tough as you also work. You did the right thing in asking questions with your boss present. For now I would do nothing else but keep a watchful eye and also just ask your son general Q's at the end of the school , you know "what did you do today" or "did you have a good day at school". If he mentions anything like this again I would then take it further , she already has something in her file now for you to go back on. As a teacher she has a responsibilty to the children , and as frustrated as it must be sometimes striking a child is not acceptable , and if she cannot contol her reactions/temper then she is in the wrong job.

Good luck

You have already brought this situation to the forefront, so I don't know that this issue will happen again, but I wonder how she is treating him during the course of the regular day? Maybe your boss could monitor that room a little closer to see how she reacts to stressful situations with the kids.

Thats so sad. Always believe in your kids they usually tell the truth.. You are in a hard place however if you choose to keep your child under her care you need to really watch her and be aware of what is goin on. Trust in your child. Good Luck to you.

First of all, how old is your child?? If he is not potty trained I imagine he is under the age of 3 or so. Children this young may have difficulty interpreting the situation, or properly describe what happened. The teacher may have placed her hand on him to talk to him or accidently brushed by him or something, so just consider that. However, this is a serious matter and should be kept an eye on. Is there a way they can put a camera in the room or have another staff present at the same time. Isn't there an assistant or aide in the room? Has this type of thing ever happened before with this teacher. Defineately don't take it lightly, but try to get more info before accusing her....

I'm sorry :( as Maureen mentioned… Does your daycare have cameras? if not can you get them installed? (webcams are not very expensive). my concern is that if she hits the arm of a child of a coworker - is she punishing (not disciplining) other children in an even more inappropriate manner?

Hitting a child is about authority and power over a child. Hitting teaches a child it is okay to hit and that hitting is appropriate when you loose control of yourself/your emotions. There are better ways to discipline children.

Here is the AAP guideline to effective discipline http://www.aap.org/practicingsafety/Modules/EffectiveDisc...

Good luck with your decision.

I absolutely think you should trust your instincts. But I also wanted to mention that one day when my daughter, Lucy, was in the toddler room at her daycare, she told me this incredibly elaborate story about a fight she got into with one of the boys in the class. I think she was about 2 1/2 at the time. She said he hit her, so I asked her some questions about it, and this story emerged: "Johnny took a toy away from Nora" (her twin sister) so "Nora was crying and I took it back from Johnny. And he hit me on the head. So I hit him back on the head." When I dropped her off at daycare the next day I asked the teacher about it: "I hear Lucy got into a fight with Johnny yesterday." And the teacher just looked at me and said, "Johnny hasn't been here all week."

I am definitely not suggesting your son is making anything up. I just wanted to share that story. It is just amazing to realize how active their imaginations can be at this point. Lucy had every detail nailed with this story and I was totally convinced. But I can't stress enough that you know your child, and you have the right protective instincts. I would have done everything you're doing, too.

M.,
I don't know what other information you found out from your son, as per the reason why the teacher did what she did. When my oldest son was in 2nd grade my middle one was in kinder in the same school. One day the youngest of the two came and told me that he thought his brother was in trouble at lunch time that day because he saw him at the "punishment table", my oldest had not mentioned anything to me. So I asked him what had happen. He told me that the lunch aid (which was a gifted and talented teacher) had punished him because he screamed during lunch time. The thing was that another little kid was asking him for his cream filling snack and he had already told him no, but the kid insisted and my son got mad and screamed "no" at him. Without asking my son what happened she singled him out and sat him at the table. The other boy was not singled out. When I told my son that I would go and speak to the teacher he panic and asked me not to go, to please not go because he was going to be in trouble, that she would get mad at him and it would be worse for him. When I saw the panic in my son's eyes and how afraid he was of this woman, I almost lost it!!! I went to the school the next day without him knowing and sat down to see him at lunch; well nothing was out of the ordinary so I left. But before I left one of the teacher's saw me in the hallway and asked me how come I was there earlier than the usual (I used to go after work and help out), I told her what had happened and she told me that it was only one day a week that this teacher would do lunch duties. Needless to say I went back the following week on the day she worked, I was besides myself!!! she had a wistle and you could hear a pin drop in the room, the kids couldn't even talk! I went straight to the principal's office and told her EVERYTHING from the first day to the last. She was addressed by the principal first and then by the principal and me. Of course she said that it was not true, and needless to say I told her "I don't know you! but I know my child and the education I've given him, and I know he is telling the truth" I didn't even bother telling her that my other son had seen him punished. To make this shorter, my son got pulled out of lunch on the days this person was working and he was not allowed to be anywhere near her! I told the principal that hell would freeze over the day my child comes home afraid of a teacher! I thought I would loose my salvation on this one!
I had said all that to say this: You have to know your child and what he is capable of doing and saying, you need to have good communication with him, you need to explain the consequences of lying or making up stuff, and after you have that clear and you know that you know that he is telling the truth you need to be able to stick up for him at all times. If you don't who is going to do it then? I don't care if she works with me or not, she can not touch my child. If there is an issue, she knows where to get you? right? same building? same work place? I would have him remove from her class immediately, potty trained or not! Do you trust her now with your child? that's the last question you need to answer yourself. And lastly I would recommend to the principal/director that they invest a little money and have cameras in the rooms. I think what you've done other than leaving your son in her class is what I would've done. Girl, pray!!! pray for your son, for yourself, and go with that still voice within you. Pray! I know I had to! when I saw my son's eyes and his panicked faced I had to pray hard!

I have been in a very similar situation, I took it as far as I needed to. Sometimes adults think they can lie about something that happened cause others will believe them over a child, that's not true. My mom always told me there are 3 things that always tell the truth: an animal, small child and a drunk. You should believe your child. I wouldn't at this point try to get her fired, but make it extremely clear in front of your boss that this type of behavior will not be tollerated at all ever! Teachers are not allowed to physically touch or discipline our children ever. Don't let it go.

A write up is important - if it happens to others then there is a paper trail. You cannot get her fired for that, I don't think.

I would leave it at that. He is not bruised. Don't ask him every day if she hit him - that will encourage him to say, "Yes." Just leave it, and let him bring things up if he wants to.

You might pop in at odd times - not every day - to say hi to him (not to ask if he has been hit). So she knows to keep her temper and that you are on top of things.

Don't talk about it with colleagues.

We believe our kids, but sometimes kids do make things up - I live in a community and a child has wreaked havoc here b/c he does make things up for attention.

So do make sure that your son is getting not only quality but quantity time with you and your husband. The nicest day care does not take the place of parents.

I think you should do what u think is best.... i know you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, but this is your child, not her's!! If i was in your shoes I would make sure my boss knows how much this disturbs me, and tell her that i wanted her fired, and if my boss didn't want to do anything about it I would take it to the authorities!!! And if she had left a mark on my child, i prolly would beat her myself! No teacher should ever put their hands on someone else's child!! They are their to teach the kids... if she felt that he needed a spanking she should have came to you 1st and foremost!!! Good luck, and hope everything works out!!

I don't know the extent of the "hit" so I can't say how far you should take it. Sounds like what did so far is good. I would suggest though that b/c you know more than we do that you fight this to the extent you would if you DIDN'T work there. Don't let that stand in the way of what you do for your child. You do have an advantage of being there so you can really be more involved in the situation. Don't feel afraid or back down though b/c you work there. Thats my main advice.