A Six-year Old Girl Is Chasing Perfection

I agree with Shane. First the mother needs to relax and stop trying to change her daughter. Instead of focusing on changing her daughter's mind about the mistake, briefly sympathize with her feelings in a calm accepting manner. Example: I see you're upset. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. and then move on. When her mother focuses on getting her to change her daughter's mind the mistake becomes a big deal when what you want is for her to realize it isn't a big deal.

It could be that the daughter is "chasing perfection" because she's found this is a way to get attention. If the mother isn't already spending time playing with her, talking about other things, showing her love by giving her attention then I suggest she try focusing on having a good time with her daughter when she's not upset.

Wanting to be perfect can also be a sign of low self-esteem; a feeling of not being good enough. Perhaps the mother could praise her more. It's been said that we all need to hear words of praise many times/day.

I also suggest that, if she hasn't already, the mother talk with her daughter's teacher and with the school counselor.

Well, Nancy needs to talk to the teacher and school counselor.
You don't say how old the child is, but even adults need to understand that perfection is not something to focus on obtaining.
Maybe Ann is picking up on the fact that her mother is so anxious about things and is picking up on that.
You don't give a lot of information and I could be wrong because I don't have many facts to base this on, but anxious children often come from anxious parents.
I say that as an anxious person, by the way.

Nancy needs to put things in focus for herself first so that she can help her daughter do the same.
What will really happen if Anne misspells a word?
Sometimes humor is a good way to deal with this.
I mean, seriously, if someone makes a mistake on a quiz, do the skies open and rain fire? Does it cause the earth to go off it's axis? Is it the end of the world as we know it?
My son was so afraid of making a mistake that he wouldn't even try. He especially was afraid of math. He really had trouble working through his fears when he was little. He's a sophomore now and guess which class he always gets consistantly good grades in. The one thing he feared the most is the thing he really doesn't struggle at all with anymore.
Nancy needs to try to get to the bottom of why her daughter is feeling this way.
Like I said...what does she think bad will happen if she makes a mistake?
It's surprising how kids think sometimes and you never know what goes on in their heads. Dialogue without judgement along with a sense of humor can help.

Best wishes.

Your friend needs to let her daughter see her fail at something... tell her to mess up while her daughter is around and model how to deal with failure and imperfection.

As a child I was also a perfectionist and still am. It's part of my temperment and I can recall my parents telling me to relax all the time- didn't really help. The only thing that helped was screwing up and then having to deal with the fall-out. Nothing major, but forgetting an assignment and having to make it up with lost points... the world didn't end.

"Doing" is always more powerful than "saying". If your friend tells her daughter that it's not "a big deal", but then freaks-out when she forgets to do something herself then her message is lost.

i remember in first grade, when i was probably about 6 or 7, i got a B in spelling on my report card. my mom saved all my schoolwork, and in tears i went all through my papers and grades, etc to try & find out why/how i made a B b/c i was good at spelling.
so my mom finally asked my teacher b/c we couldn't find a grade less than an A. my teacher said she gave everyone a B, like it was a class score or something. although it didn't make sense, i understood.
but that 'reach for perfection' didn't last. i wasn't valdictorian or even top of my class (lol), it just happened specifically in that age/grade. maybe it's just a phase or something, b/c seriously i am NOT like that now. I should be - ha ha, but see what i'm saying? that's the first year they really start getting grades & maybe the pressure came elsewhere or she really understands it's a grade, not a "Good Job!" sticker this time. idk...just thought my story would help. good luck to you guys!

Sometimes bright children naturally become perfectionists, even if no one else is putting pressure on them. I would suggest a book called "living With Intensity" for your friend.

Sound like she might have some OCD issues so I agree Nancy needs to talk to the teacher and school counselor

Sometimes a little humor is helpful. Not applied, of course, when the child is upset, or even in regard to what upsets the child. I just mean that perhaps Nancy should look at the overall picture of how they relate as a family and begin to add some humorous things to their routines. This might help loosen her daughter up a bit so that she can handle the stressful situations better.
One thing I do with our granddaughters is that when I see them in a public place I often will look at them with an amazed look on my face and say "You know I have a granddaughter who looks just like you! Her name is....... ". They of course giggle and say "oh, Grammie, I am your granddaughter". This is the type of humor I'm suggesting that Nancy might incorporate into her dealings with her daughter.

Updated

Sometimes a little humor is helpful. Not applied, of course, when the child is upset, or even in regard to what upsets the child. I just mean that perhaps Nancy should look at the overall picture of how they relate as a family and begin to add some humorous things to their routines. This might help loosen her daughter up a bit so that she can handle the stressful situations better.
One thing I do with our granddaughters is that when I see them in a public place I often will look at them with an amazed look on my face and say "You know I have a granddaughter who looks just like you! Her name is....... ". They of course giggle and say "oh, Grammie, I am your granddaughter". This is the type of humor I'm suggesting that Nancy might incorporate into her dealings with her daughter.

Only God is perfect. We are supposed to try our best. Sounds like this child is trying her best.making mistakes can be frustrating for someone who tries so hard especially when they think they had it down. Determination is a good thing. Kids will have meltdowns for small reasons that we cant understand. All this shapes who they become as adults. This child may go far with understanding, support and some simple guidlines for how to deal with his own meltdowns.