A Seven Year Old with Potty Training Issues

Has the son always lived with his father? Maybe he's having readjustment problems with a "new mom". It is not unusual for a 7 year old to get so involved outside playing that they gp in their pants just so they don't have to stop playing, but if he does in while inside, then he's rebelling just because he can. They should develope a penalty system when this happens, and making him wash his dirty clothes might work.Germs? Let him wear disposable gloves. A couple of those washings and he'll stop that.

It sounds like he does not want to take the time to go. Make a point of taking him every few hours yourself let him know that you will be doing this and that it may be while there are other people around him that this happens. It may give a boost to know that this will happen.

If he doesn't have a medical problem then it may be the marriage. You said that your friend just married this child's father. He may be acting out because he is not happy with a new mom. I had a cousin that got a new stepfather and she started doing really wild things to get attention. It may be a good idea for the whole family to seek counceling. Even if they seem fine, there may be an issue that they haven't dealt with.

Our 7 year old nephew came to live with us and he had similar issues. We would ask him why he didn't use the restroom and he would admit that he didn't want to stop playing. We gave him a consequence that fit the crime (ex. He pooped in his pants b/c he didn't want to get off of the trampoline so he didn't get to jump on the trampoline for a week). We also had him go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes since he couldn't remember to do it himself. Those two things seemed to work. Good luck

Hi Samatha,,,
The child needs to see a DR and a counsler ASAP
good luck L.

S.,

I do not agree with the posters that he should have to clean up his mess, regardless of why he is doing it...it is dangerous for a child that age to be digging around in feces...they are not able to "clean" it or themselves up properly or sanitarily and it is frankly humiliating. As a side note, it is not unusual for the child not to admit that he messed his pants. No one wants that embarrassment in front of people, we don't even admit passing gas most of the time.

I am sorry for your friend, but she "bought the pony" so to speak. What she needs to do is treat the situation with love and patience. First of all, she should treat it as a medical condition until she knows otherwise. Once she has him cleared, she should not assume it is just laziness...that doensn't make sense, especially because the embarassment would far outweigh the benefits. That said, tell her to have him wear "good-nights" to school and at home. Have her discuss with him that it isn't his fault that he wets the bed sometimes at night, that even big-boys sometimes do (my husband was 8 when he finally stopped), but that it is not ok to do it during the day. Have her reserve the "Good Nights" for night time, but see if she can get a large size diaper and tell him that until he can go like a big boy, she will need to have him wear those and get changed like a baby. This may actually be what he wants if there is a bonding issue that he is trying to overcome. I know this sounds kind of weird, but she could do that for a week and then "potty train him" all over again with rewards for going in the potty (or she could just skip to the reward motivation chart...no poop no pee in the pants and he gets a treat or extra TV or something).

If he has enuresis (nighttime bedwetting) a lot of times that is due to a small bladder that can't keep up with urine production, but I have heard that milk sensitivities can cause the wetting, so have her cut out milk after noon and see if that helps at all.

I tend to believe that the new-mother thing is the real issue. I have limited faith in "counseling" and feel that open communication between people works best. Your friend needs to sit down and think about how she fits into his life and how she wants to explain her role to him. Does he have a Mother? Does your friend make the child feel wanted or like an inconvenience? Is the child afraid to lose your friend? She should really spend some one-on-one time with this little guy with the potty issues aside and give him love...it does conquer all, right? I will keep them in my prayers.

I once baby sat a child with this issue. I would pick him up from school & he would have poop in his pants. I never understood how this was happening at his age. I handled it by telling him that I didn't clean up "big boy poop" & supervised him while he cleaned himself, his undies, etc... & made sure it was an extra thorough & sanitary job. It was a nightmare. He told me that his mom didn't make him do that & that she just threw away the poop pants. Well, clearly without reinforcement of this while he was with his parents, it didn't clear up & I have a feeling its still an issue occasionally (years later). If he had been my child, we would have spoken to the doctor about it immediately & in the meantime, I would advise his stepmom & dad NOT to clean up after him. Make HIM do it. That way he has a consequence for not taking the time out to go to the bathroom & I think eventually he will find it isn't worth it to do this. But seeing the doctor is important to make sure it's not something medical & also see if the doctor feels like it would be good for him to see a therapist.

I'm guessing either he has some serious issues with not being able to tell if he needs the bathroom or he's too busy with something else that he doesn't want to take the time to go. My cousin had this same problem, in his case it was a dicipline problem meaning that he just didn't want to take the time away from his toys to go to the bathroom. I'm not sure what to do with that though. My aunt would even ask him if he needed bathroom and he'd say no and get mad if she tried to force him and then a few minutes later he'd wet his pants or poop his pants. They think he did it for attention, not sure why. I don't know what her solution was but i'd suggest that your friend get on top of the issue and try to find solutions before it becomes too much of a problem. Maybe the diciplinary actions in school have to do with bathroom time? Maybe he's having accidents in school or perhaps he's too afraid to ask the teacher and that fear follows him home and he doesn't ask to use the bathroom.

I just read the last post about how the reader didn't think it was necessary for the child to clean up his own mess. I have to disagree with that ONLY if it's a dicipline issue and he's doing it for attention. I used to work in a developmental center for children with mental issues and we were actually trained to use this meathod to get them to not use the bathroom on themselves. They would do it on purpose so we made them clean it up, it worked usually. They don't like cleaning up their own mess, so they stop doing the action. It is not humiliating for them so much, more like they find it disgusting, who wouldn't? They wanted us to clean it up but when the tables were turned they got a taste of their own medicine. This isn't the answer all the time, but it's a possible one, don't throw it out too quickly. ^_^

A friend of mine had a daughter with the same problem. They took her to the pediatrician several times, who couldn't find anything wrong with her physically, and then took her to counseling, which seemed to help for awhile but then she slipped back into her old pattern of holding back her BMs and then suddenly 'exploding' when she just couldn't hold it anymore. What finally worked for them was taking her to a pediatric gastroenterologist. He did the anal exam (not pleasant) which she absolutely hated. He also didn't find anything wrong with her, but after that if she had an accident all they had to say was, "I guess it's time to go back and see Dr. So-and-So!' and she would immediately start using the bathroom. I think it only took a couple of threats and then the accidents completely stopped and she was fine. Hope this helps--good luck!

S.
Sorry to hear the young man is having problems. Has he seen a pediatric gastroentorologist? If not I highly recommend doing so. The little boy could have bowel problems as my son did. Dairy products really aggravate it. My son did the same thing and we tried everything only to find out it is a medical condition. Chronic constipation afflicts alot of children, my son almost passed away from it in February. The soiling of the pants at this age is a good indication. They can't help it. The feces leaks around a blockage in a liquid form. Have the little one checked out by a specialist. We had been telling other doctors he had a problem and we were consistently told that he would out grow it. He did not. The treatment is very easy, first the doctors will have to get the blockage removed by way of enema and laxatives and then diet modifications and medications that will be decreased over time as his little body can take over for itself. My son is on 1 and a half dose fo Miralax a day now, he started out at five a day. Please have your friend and the little boy's dad check it out. This can be very serious. But easily treated. My son was 11 before someone finally listened and we were able to help him, but almost came too late. If you are in the Dallas/Fort Worth area I highly recommend Dr. Michael Russo at University of Texas Southwest childrens.The main number is ###-###-#### and then they can give the number to Dr. Russo's office. I would give it to you now but don't have it with you. Best of luck to the litte one.

hi I would suggest he goes to the drs. Many things can cause these problems.Children usually do not have these problems at his age. Not to scare anyone but-it is also a sign of a child that has been molested, and if punished for this then they suppress it and won't talk about it. On the other hand hes in a new family so to speak-it could be an attention getter,jealous. Or there could be a medical explanation. Please try to see that the child gets help what ever the cause-it will make everyones lives better that are concerned. Good-luck

My BIL is 10 and has this same issue, and has had it all his life. I have no idea about the night time issues, but I know that he both poops and pees his pants when he's too excited about something else (his main interest in life is computer, xbox, any kind of gaming system) to care. His grandparents blame these issues on the fact that he had a hole in his heart when he was born, and had open heart surgery when he was about a month old. I think it has more to do with carelessness, but I'm not in a situation to influence anyone. I wish your friend and her new husband good luck.