A Second Chance at Love

From reading your past posts I see that your ex had some issues. This would definately make you take pause at attempting another relationship for sure.
Ask yourself again if you really do want another man around the house to worry about? As far as putting yourself out there purposely looking for a soulmate, I don't really think that is the right way to go about it. Somehow, when the time is right, love finds you without you having to put much effort into searching for it.
You have your hands full with a child and a job. If you concentrate on you and your child, you will find yourself in places where occasional conversations with men are bound to happen. Maybe at the park or the zoo. Don't ever openly date in front your child at this point. Exposing children to boyfriends can get confusing for the child, especially if they become "attached".
Do some chatting on eharmony, and if you feel comfortable enough after some lengthy e chats and phone chats, meet a guy for lunch.
Don't sabatage a new relationship by "wanting to be the boss" otherwise you will end up with a baby-man that will get boring real fast. You sound like you want an independent man... they are out there I'm sure.
I dated my current (2nd) husband for 10 years before I decided to tie the knot for good. There is nothing wrong with extra long engagements, they usually lead to extra long marriages. I dated my current husband for an entire year before we had sex too.... and he really loved that about me and still brags about it to this day. It was his second marriage too and playing the virgin game was very fun for both of us.

After I left my first marriage (which was 15 years of pain), I "hated" men for the first year and a half. I discovered I loved being a single mom, had wonderful times with my daughter and myself, and we both did a lot of healing. I was surprised to notice at some point that I did miss having a soulmate. So I started dating, cautiously. I met a couple of guys like the one you describe, and a couple who were so unclear about what they wanted that they were impossible to get to know, and a couple who fell somewhere in between.

I was extremely defensive for a whole year of dating, and I think it worked to my advantage (and my daughter's). It made me extremely choosy about considering a second date with anybody I had doubts about. Caution is a wonderful thing – don't think you have to give it up in order to find the right man to be your soulmate. If he's out there, and he probably is, you'll find him faster if you are extremely discriminating about how you're willing to spend your time and energy.

When I finally met my current husband, maybe 2.5 years after divorce, he just felt so comfortable. From the first hour I talked to him as professional to client (he was looking for a graphic artist to illustrate his books), I was simply wowed. We got to know each other professionally, then he invited me to a couple of social events he had organized, then went rock-climbing and hiking together, and then had an official date. By then, I had gotten to see almost all of who he was. I still had reservations about marriage, which he understood, and he was patient.

I guess my story is to tell you that you simply can't control all variables, and while you will do well not to rush anything, it's okay to get close enough to another person to find out who they are. The terrain of any potential relationship is impossible to explore until we get close enough to touch it. And when you find a person who fits you well, you will probably recognize that.

Best!

You know this is very hard. I have remarried and my husband says I have still not let that whole wall down yet. For me it was finding some one that I could be friends with and a lover. A big thing was feeling it was safe to leave my children with this new guy. As a single mom you have to face that this world is a scary place and watching out for our children is key. I was always worried about what kind of man was around them. I hope you find that one guy that fits you. Hang in there and prepare to feel like you are a teenager again. At lest that was what it was like for me. All the unsure thoughts and worries.

I have no advice...I'm going to be following this thread though, because I'm in a similar boat, sitting around wondering if I'll ever be able to trust myself to trust another again.