A Pick Your Battles moment.......what to Do?

What does he like to do? Outside play? Viedo games, favorite TV show? Until the bathroom is wiped down.. Big no on these things.

Responsibilitys before fun. Peroid.

I would not let something like cleanliness go. Part of the problem may be that he is the only one using that bathroom and is content with his own filth. Perhaps closing off that bathroom for a time and having him share with you or use a bathroom in a common area would make him more conscientious. He could have his private bath back when he learns to keep things tidy. :)

Good for you for wanting to raise a sweet boy into a man with clean restroom standards. :)

No. Put Clorox Wipes in there and make him wipe down the counter and toilet once a day. It takes less than 5 minutes.

I was sweet on a boy as a teen. Then I went into his bathroom when I was visiting his sister to throw something in the trashcan and saw that not only did he have pee all over the toilet, but there was poop in the toilet with NO toilet paper. He couldn't be bothered to wipe his butt. That was it for my crush. The thought of him after that was "yuck".

Do your son the HONOR and favor of not allowing this. I've told this story to my own sons. They actually have taken it to heart. If you want to pick battles and not be "on him" for everything, don't pick THIS to allow. You might lose the woman who would be a wonderful daughter-in-law because of it.

Do you want your future daughter in law to hate you?

Kids don't learn how to clean things unless their parent teaches them, and stays on them. And for heavens sake he will NOT learn how to do this in college.

Personally, I could not and would not let it go. Right now, you have the opportunity to teach your children what is acceptable and what is not...and pee sprinkled on the toilet seat is just not. You are not being a neat freak to insist that pee and toothpaste are cleaned up. One day, he will be sharing his bathroom space with someone and they will not appreciate having that in their space! You are doing his future roommates and spouse a favor by teaching him proper habits now. If he gets into the habit now, he will carry it through his life.
I would get him a container of clorox wipes, just because they make the job super fast and easy, and tell him "You will now need to wipe down your toilet, counter and sink and put away the toothpaste properly once a day". **I make my kiddos do this before they go outside in the morning as they love to go play in the yard while waiting for the bus, so that is their motivation to get their morning chores done. But you could also make it a thing that he does daily before tv time or xbox time or playing with friends. No _ until bathroom done. It should take him 5 min or less to get it done. He is old enough (My 5 year old cleans toilets).

Oh, please teach him now...I think I married him.

Send him up to wash up 10 minutes earlier before bed and ask him to wipe the seat and sponge off the toothpaste before he goes to bed. It really doesn't take 10 minutes once he gets in a routine.

Stand there and talk to him while he does it and if he refuses, then refuse one of his privileges.

Trust me, I have 17 years of bad habits and I no longer want to do it all. I wash enough clothes of my husbands to make a full load after I wash my clothes. I wash it, dry it, and lay it out on the ottoman for him to fold and put away. He lets it sit there until he is absolutely sure I am not going to do it for him. We are not fighting about it, but there is an elephant in the room. You don't want this to be your son.

Toothpaste anywhere but on the toothbrush is wasting money.
Not only that but if you don't run the water while brushing your teeth the toothpaste build-up in the U-bend can clog the sink up.
Cockroaches will eat toothpaste - so consider it a food source that should be used sparingly and wiped up promptly.
All anyone ever needs on a toothbrush is an amount that's the size of a single pea.
Urine can seep it's way into the flooring so that you can never get the smell out.
There's just something extra stinky about male pee - maybe it's a leftover from when males marked their territory.
You don't have to be 'on' him about everything but cleaning up his bathroom habits is a good next project to work on.

It's only "his" because it's in that room and you don't go there. YOU pay the bills, YOU tell him if it needs to be cleaner. I would make it one of his chores to wipe it down and not leave pee on the seat every day. If he doesn't like that chore, he can learn to lift the seat or aim. I think that while it can often be a losing and frustrating battle to expect kids to clean up, it is important to at least try. Further, things like not wiping up and not running a fan can damage your bathroom. Mold is not fun. Teach him to respect your property as much as teach him better habits. I would certainly not expect perfection, but it sounds like there is room to improve.

@ Mom2Many-- No, he won't. Not unless you make it priority to teach him better habits. I married someone who didn't figure it out in college. Or in bachelorhood after college. Or even now, as a mid 40s married guy. He just doesn't SEE that stuff. Why? Because nobody taught him not to live in it growing up.
He had an older brother, and was raised by grandparents in ill health. Nobody was on top of this during his teen years. Or probably even "pre-teen" years. And they had a cleaning lady, too.

TEACH him exactly what to do, and when (right away when he drips or spills or misses). Instill it in him as a good habit.

Those that say ignore the pile of dirty clothes instead, I agree with wholeheartedly (unless that pile of dirty clothes also has a wet towel in it--then it had better not be left on my carpet!).

He is young enough that you need to form his habits for him. It's not "his" bathroom, no matter where it is in the house. You need to find consequences you can enforce each time you walk in every day and find his sink/counter looking like that. When I was little, my parents NEVER would have allowed that, and we never had cleaning ladies. Cleaning up after yourself is a learned skill for kids and you have to enforce it. He's old enough to keep it clean easily. Each day after he brushes his teeth, he needs to put sink in order, wipe up the few splatters, and not let it get out of control. You have to check it EACH DAY. Once he's out on his own with is own apartment, he can be as sloppy as he wants, but at least he'll know how to clean.

Pee anywhere other than in the toilet is not just a personal preference. It's disgusting. It's a health hazard. Toothpaste all over the place is not clutter (like clothes that miss the hamper). It's a dirty, nasty mess. Teach him the difference between something being cluttered and something being dirty. If you want to allow clutter, that's fine. Dirty is not.

I have been to grown men's homes and turned right away from the bathroom without touching a thing. It doesn't automatically go away when they get older. On the rare occasion that I go to my father-in-law's apartment, I steer clear of the bathroom--toilet seat up, pee and hair all over and around the toilet, some film between the floor and the air....

Your son should learn that this is not about YOUR preference, because you would prefer that it be "perfect". This is about not letting him get comfortable in nastiness. Ew. Every time he misses the inside of the toilet, make him clean it. Every time toothpaste is anywhere but in the tube or on the bristles of his toothbrush, he needs to wipe/rinse it. Let him toss his undershorts at the wall and hang his socks from the corners of the mirror. Stuff that gets wiped needs to get wiped right away. Would you have this same question if he were leaving feces on the wall or floor? Same concept, man.

Let it go and don't let the poor cleaning ladies in there either. If it gets bad enough and he complains the ladies aren't cleaning it, remind him he's supposed to do the wipe down and pick up. If he doesn't, they won't clean it. Close the door to his room and the unclean of the bathroom should make his room"icky". That may incentivize him ...

Put some Clorox Wipes in the bathroom and have him wipe down the sink and toilet before he goes to bed - every night.

Shouldn't be a problem then.

I agree that this is something he needs to be taught. His future wife and roommates will thank you!

I can't tell you how many guys have had disgusting apartments, rooms or bathrooms and it's a big turn-off. Please fix it now.

Teach him how to take a piece of toilet paper and wipe the seat when he is done peeing, and then flush the toilet paper. This is what my husband was taught, and I TOTALLY APPRECIATE IT! It takes less than 3 seconds to do.

He should wipe his counters when he's done shaving and rinse out the sink. He should clean his mirror off once a week.

These are things that need to be built as habits, so they become automatic. At that point his bathroom should be workable.

Good luck!

It's a teaching moment. I was working with my soon to be 4 year old yesterday on washing his hands and brushing his teeth neatly.

I think a big part of your problem is the fact that it is getting cleaned by the cleaning lady. I would tell her to stop cleaning it and I would start making him do it. In our house every Sunday morning I clean the adult bathroom and change my sheets/bedding, and my boys clean their bathroom and clean/change their own bedding (they are 8 and 9 years old). This is done first thing and no one goes out to play or to activities until it is done and inspected and approved. I have also made any time on their tablets or video games contingent on their rooms being picked up and their bathroom looking decent. Every night, one hour before bed, they must tend to the rooms and they must be presentable. Since setting up these new rules, and following through with them, has helped my boys cleanliness come a very very long way.

Can you incentivize him into a clean bathroom? In my response, nagging just doesn't produce a clear change in behavior. You can nag your way from, say, 80% of something to 100%, but it doesn't work if you're starting at zero. Have a "The Bathroom Is Disgusting Meeting" with him, and figure out an incentive structure that he buys into. Most preteen boys have something (or lots of somethings) that they really, really want, and you don't sound like the spoiling type, so this might work really well.

No I wouldn't let the bathroom go. I keep cleaning supplies in each of my bathrooms so that all you have to do is open the cabinet, grab the cleaning spray, wipe of with the paper towels and put everything back in the cabinet. I found that my kids were much better at cleaning when they didn't have to bring supplies from the kitchen to clean.

I promise he'll figure it out before college lol

I'd just put some wipes in the bathroom and ask the he wipe it down before he heads to school. I'd check before he leaves to make sure and remind him. It will eventually become habit, but it isn't something I would make myself crazy over.

Definitely give him a large container of Clorox wipes and the expectation that sink, counter and toilet are wiped daily. Probably the floor around the toilet too:-) teach him now how gross a dirty bathroom is! And let him know that if he doesn't keep up with daily maintenance, that the cleaning ladies will no longer clean in there and he will have to do the heavy cleaning too. Good luck!

I have my kids wipe their sinks down after brushing teeth or at least once a day. It's super easy if they do it right away and it's part of the routine. If they forget, I wipe it quickly and don't mention it to them, since they are pretty good about keeping up with it. I figure if they are used to having it clean, they'll help keep it that way.

How often do the cleaning ladies come? If it's once a week I'd probably let it go, but if it's every two weeks or longer I'd probably have him wipe everything down once a week, on a fixed day/time, like Saturday mornings before he goes out to play.

Hard one! I do believe that a nasty bathroom is something that will eventually stink so bad because the urine soaks in to the flooring and under the toilet. It gets to a point it can't be cleaned. The next home owners will walk in there and smell it.

So I'd go in and work on his bathroom with him. He has to be taught and he is going to be resistant. He is a boy and really does not understand the issue. I'd go in every evening before bedtime and "help" him clean it up. Get the toothpaste off everything and they wipe the toilet down. With a boy the front of the toilet is often the nastiest part. They dribble when they forget to wipe it off.

The reason he lets it go is likely because the cleaning ladies do it. So it doesn't matter how bad he lets it get-- it is always going to get cleaned eventually.

Personally, I would tell the cleaning ladies not to do that bathroom anymore. I used to work for a cleaning service and we had a few families who specifically had us skip certain rooms (and of course they didn't get charged for them) because they didn't want us cleaning up after their teens/pre-teens.

Make him clean his own bathroom. Your future daughter-in-law will thank you later! Men are men, though-- they're lazy. So get him a big container of glass wipes and Clorox wipes and KEEP them in his bathroom. Show him ONCE how to do a good job and then let it go. Don't nag him about it, but every Saturday when he wants to go do something with his friends or whatever, simply say "sure, you can go. As soon as your bathroom is cleaned. He will wipes that sucker down, clean the toilet and do the floor quickly so he can move on to better things ;)

In a way, I agree with the writers who say to let it go - and have the cleaning ladies let it go, too. But I wonder if self-confessed neat freaks have the ability to do that! Nothing personal - it may just be too hard to handle. So here's another thought.

What is your most urgent need about the bathroom? You can pick *one* thing. If it's the toilet seat, you'll need to let the counter go... and vice versa.

I'm imagining that your son doesn't even see the mess he's making. And he's in a hurry to do things that are more interesting, so he has a burning desire to waste as few seconds as possible in the boring bathroom.

You can tell your son that since he's in double digits, he gets to start to learn how to take minimal care of that bathroom. When he's grown (well, maybe before that), he'll have full responsibility for wherever he lives; right now he just needs to learn the jobs. Have him concentrate on just that one change in his routine. (You'll have to stomach the rest of it for a while.) Show him how to do that one job. For the first few times, go in the bathroom with him and review the procedure. He'll get tired of that. Give him the tools for the work; have them right there in the bathroom where he can reach them easily. Check the bathroom *every time* he says he's done the job. Look for what he has done right.

He can do the work as quickly as he can do it well. After he knows the routine, let him time himself if he enjoys that sort of thing.

Praise your son every time he does that one job. Don't overpraise him (you know, the insincere thing), but don't underpraise him, either. Keep a good attitude about it. You are not punishing your son - you're teaching him because he's such a great kid. Isn't he? Look for the good things he's doing.

Don't worry what anyone else thinks of the bathroom. It's not about you. And most of your mama friends - especially those with sons - will know what sons do. Growing daughters are often none too neat, either.

I agree with Wee12adopt. It's okay to let this one go. Make him clean his own bathroom once a month. And tell the cleaning ladies not to clean his bathroom.

If he can clean the bathroom on his scheduled day, then you will know that he actually has the skills to do it. And if he does it, as opposed to the cleaning ladies doing it, then he'll know what one month's worth of toothpaste and urine build-up looks like. It looks like an off-campus college kid's bathroom!

There's a big difference between messy and dirty. Bathrooms get dirty and need to be kept reasonably clean for health reasons. I have a teenage girl, I know messy, and we do let the clothing tornado go sometimes. A few clothes on the ground is standard teen but what you describe is unhealthy.

Basic home cleanliness is an important life skill and most kids just don't know how to acheive that without some guidance. Show him how to maintain the clean bathroom he is given by the housekeeper. Appreciating what she does should start with not leaving a disgusting mess for her to clean up each week. Can you imagine what it would look like if she wasn't coming in every week? Unless you intend to send your housekeeper out into the world with him in a few years I'd start training him right now.

Try Flylady.net - she has a "swish and swipe" approach to cleaning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFnYbWsfpW0

Have the products around in easy reach for him, and recognize and praize profusely when he does it.

your kidding right? um hes 11..um you have cleaning ppl? really? tsk tsk..

It's part of my sons chores that he wipes down the toilet every night before his bath or shower. Just one of those things. It gets done because its habit, not because he thinks of it, or thinks it needs to get done.

Which means its also something that goes right out the window when stuff comes up (late nights, sick, elsewhere, etc.). So I don't stress about it not being done, just like I don't stress about the other things that get missed during a hectic night or unusual event.

He's also 11... But this was his ticket to stand at age 3.

Teach him the basics...i.e. put some disinfectant wipes in the BR, then show him how to wipe the sink and use a different wipe for the toilet. I think he can handle that at 11. Then give him reminders when it's not done. If he gets allowance, make sure this is part of him getting it.

Your son's future spouse will thank you NOT to let this go.

I'd let go of having my kid make his bed before I let go of "wipe when you drip". One only affects him; the other can affect others and it's just a good habit to get into, noticing when you've left a mess. When my son leaves toothpaste in the basin, I have him come back and clean it up, right away. Ditto for dribbles on the seat. We share a bathroom, so it's easier to catch.

You will need to figure out where, in his daily routine, he can manage to take two minutes to wipe these areas down. I'd have him do it daily as a matter of course before he gets to use media/tv or play. Just "go take care of your bathroom now, please". If he's staying on it, it should only take a minute to use a clorox wipe for the toilet seat and maybe keep a sponge for wiping down the basin and counter. Have him call you to check it before he goes to play.

I liked Doris Day's answer. I had the same experience with a 'crush' of mine, too. I don't know what was going on, but his entire home smelled like urine and catbox. That was a quick U turn outta there!

Why aren't you teaching him how to clean and giving consequences when he doesn't? He relies on the fact that you have people come to your home and clean up after the entire family, including/especially him.

if you are a neat freak and are ON HIM all the time about other stuff, this would be a pick your battles thing for me. well actually no, this would be the battle and the closet would not be.

I think we need to teach kids to clean but when the parent is so anal about everything that the kid can never succeed and learns to hate cleaning and hate the parents nagging, then have you really taught them anything???