Dear NH:
Yes, it's hard. But just like mamas-to-be cut out alcohol, sushi, aspirin, whatever...while they're pregnant, this will really make things easier for all of you. My consumption of peanut butter (this is before the danger was well-known) caused my almost exclusively breastfed son to nearly die when he was 16 months old. That made it really easy for me to quit, obviously, but what if your child develops a full-bore allergy to dairy? What a shame that would be!
You are such a clever mama to figure out the cause of your son's problem that I'm sure you'll be able to find a suitable substitute. Notice I haven't thought of any yet! Ha! You're right...it will be very hard but I encourage you to stick with it.
BTW, when my children were little they were also allergic to wheat, apples, eggs, whey, casein, etc. Can you IMAGINE how difficult it was to feed them? Somehow they continued to grow but it was such a difficult time because it took a lot of imagination to prepare food. As a result, they outgrew almost all their allergies (except peanuts and almonds) and life is much easier now...it's WORTH IT!
Okay, I just thought of some "maybe" substitutes. I don't recommend soy (you don't want to give him a different allergy) or that would be the obvious choice, but what do you think of whole wheat or rice pasta with fresh pesto made with everything BUT the cheese? The pinenuts would give it a creamy texture which might fool you into thinking "cheese", don't you think? Or some baked polenta with a terrific mushroom and tomato sauce? Again, texture? Maybe?
Oh! I just thought of another benefit. You'll probably regain your pre-pregnancy weight really quickly as a result of your change in diet! I hope that cheers you up!
Best wishes,
M.