A Birthday Party for Zephyr??

Growing up military we often had family parties. Just 'us' (aunts uncles gps etc thousands of miles away). Special day. I always chose the beach. Others? Zoo, pool, skating, something. Then dinner & cake. No friends. We did have friend parties some years, but the reality of moving is that often you don't have friends, yet. But we ALWAYS celebrated.

These are warm, happy, special memories of mine.

My exhusband is of the belief that it's not a party unless there are a million people there, and mountains of presents. So in my own family we split the difference. On my son's actual birthday, he gets to plan the day, like in my family. LOL it usually ended with a tent in the living room to sleep, but he chooses different things to do every year (last year was video games from dawn to dusk, the year before a watermark). And then ended with a living room camp out. My exhusband never came to these, believing they weren't 'real', he'd go out with friends instead.

But in my childhood they were VERY real. And diffuse with happiness and joy and laughter and me getting in trouble ;) ADHD myself I had the stubborn belief I couldn't get in trouble on my birthday despite 17 years of pushing boundaries and being proven otherwise!!! I bring this up because they were never 'perfect' days (birthday spankings were common), but they were PERFECT days.

I have a nonverbal son with autism, SPD, ......etc. We've never thrown him a party either for our reasons as well. However, we have had family celebrations. Keep things within your son's comfort level. Always let family know of his issues if they are not already fully aware and play it by ear. By that I mean follow your child's cues. Do what he enjoys, allow him his space and personal freedoms, do not try to make this party conform to anything other than a celebration of your child. Let him essentially run the show, that's what we've done with my son, he is 5 years old. You know your child best and try to keep things as simple as possible - everyone should enjoy themselves, as much as possible. :)

If it's a family party, I would expect that everyone has a good understanding of his ODD and other disorders, right? So you can set some expectations with them in advance - tell them a couple of signs to look for that he's getting overwhelmed and to back off, and let them know the party may end abruptly.

As for what to do, if he handles parks well, just go to a local park and bring a picnic lunch for everyone. Have a cake, bring some balloons if he likes them. Let him run around and play and do his favorite park things with all of the people who love him most in the world. A park is good because if he does have a meltdown, it's an open space so he won't disturb other people the same way he would in a restaurant, so that might make it less stressful for you.

If you have 2-3 other kids to invite, whether it is cousins or friends, that's great. If you don't, he will be just as happy! Don't plan to open gifts at the party. Just play at the park, eat his favorite foods, and have cake. If he likes singing, sing happy birthday (take a video for future proof of a fun party). If being the center of attention like that upsets him, skip the singing.

Sorry, I don't have a special needs child, so I'm doing my best to answer based on the info you've given. I hope I gave some good ideas.

no matter what you do, your son is going to have a special day. Oh, and keep any party that you do have short - two hours tops and 1 or 1.5 hours is fine too!

Libby:

I don't have children with Autism - however - if get togethers can tricky - why not just do a cake and ice cream for family only?

Nothing that is a typical party - just something mild to celebrate his special day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Zephyr!

Why don't you ask him if he would like a party? He may not want one. There is no reason to feel guilty or worrying he will be upset in the future because you didn't throw him a party. There are lots of ways to celebrate birthdays many of them do not include parties. Your son's birthday is about celebrating him and doing what would be fun for him. It is not your idea of what a birthday celebration should be (ie party) Happy birthday to your son. I am sure you will make it special for him.

Hey Libby,

I just wanted you to know that even families which have 'typical' kids stress over this stuff too. We know that Kiddo just doesn't always do so well at birthdays, and when his fifth birthday came along this year, we decided less is more. We had one close family (mom, dad and child) come to our house for afternoon snacks (which we did a lot of healthy foods/proteins), a cupcake per person, and they got to beat up a pinata. You know what? I don't think he thinks he missed out on anything, and we didn't miss out on the drama.

Good luck to you--I'm sure your little boy will enjoy whatever you choose to do.

Does he have a "bestest friend"? (Yeah, I know that isn't really a word!) Does his "bestest friend" have a mom who understands his special need status?

If so, how about you and your hubby's family (not too many people - maybe grands?) and the friend?

I don't know if you have issues with sugar and dye for him, but probably you can find some sort of substitute for sugar if you need to!

Happy birthday to your sweet little guy!!

Dawn

I think the important part of this birthday will be the photos for him to look at when he is older, (yes we celebrated every year how happy we were you were born) take his picture with decorations in the background, holding up a sign that says "I'm 4!" Take his picture with the cake and opening a present.
One year my husband said "lets have DS's birthday party at one of those places with the bouncy houses and blow up slides etc!" He knew my son had attended many of those parties. But I said "our son doesn't really like those places, the noises and crowds overwhelm him" Don't let what other people do make you forget what your son likes and doesn't like.

I don't have a special needs child.
But I think if you're having a family party, prtty much everyone is aware of Zephyr's issues and will all be pretty prepared for it.
I'd keep it simple & sweet--cookout, then cake & ice cream.
Then go with the flow. I'll bet everyone else will.

Awe, happy baby birthday Libs.

I'll tell you what we do every year for my (now!) five year old. We head out to the forest, rain or shine. Her birthday is held at a beautiful park near the sound. Because it's usually raining and the park is outside city limits, it's very quiet and we usually have it to ourselves. We keep the party short, one activity (so far it's always been a pinata), and very informal. A few streamers, presents opened at home (if it seems like a meltdown is approaching), and lots of running in a pack of other children.

She gets overwhelmed and upset so much sooner when she's inside, or when there are structured activities that require additional energy and focus, besides the stimulation of social activity and play.

Now, as you know, we're on an attachment disorder spectrum and I suspect ADHD (we won't know until she's six), so this may not be useful considering the different neruodifferences. Either way, I hope the day is magic.

If your back gets better and you want to take a trip to the woods, you guys come out here okay? Sending loves.