9M Old, Just Won't Sleep.

I'm so sorry you aren't sleeping. The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley is the BEST book on sleeping. I've read the Baby Whisperer too, but I thought No-Cry was better. The author even puts her email in the back, so you could personally email her and get her advice. But the book will really help, I hope you can get a chance to read it. I don't get help in the night either, so I know exactly how you feel. Good luck with everything!

C.

"The No-Cry Sleep Solution" is exactly what it says! You get sleep AND no crying. HEAVEN! LOL

My daughter was a non-sleeper. As in, she didn't sleep. Ever. From birth through 1 year, naps included, she slept less than 10 hours a day. There was a point I finally managed to get most of the sleeping to happen at night, though. 8 hours, even! She was about 8.5 months, and the No-Cry Sleep Solution saved my sanity and her from being posted on ebay! LOL

Take a deep breath, get the book, and then get some sleep!

Luck and blessings!

Mostly wanted to comment in light of previous post: We used On Becoming Babywise parenting with both of our children, with no adverse affects to breastfeeding, sleeping, proper parental attachment or other aspects of our children's development. What the book says, and what most critics ignore, is that you must use your common sense to evaluate the situation with which you are presented to determine the appropriate action. It doesn't advocate not feeding a hungry child, but provides a flexible system for dealing with feeding and sleeping that accommodates both baby and the rest of the family. If you attempt to rigidly follow the recommendations and examples without using your common sense, I could see possible dangers with regard to feeding etc. Attachment parenting was simply not a possibility for me even had I been interested because it would not have been feasible with work. If you can read the book with both eyes open and intelligently evaluate and apply the recommendations I think it is an excellent tool that poses no danger to your child or the proper development of your relationship with him. As far as crying goes, you will learn the difference between the kind of crying that is your son settling himself down and which is uncontrollable craziness that requires your immediate attention. I would say that the book lies somewhere in the middle on those two extremes of attachment and crying and permits you to assess and do what you feel comfortable with to help you teach your child to sleep independently.

You said he recently got his own room? Was he sleeping through the night previously? Maybe he just needs some time to acclimate himself to his new surroundings...try putting him in there for naps or for some play time during the day so he can get comfortable with the new surroundings.

Regardless of what you choose to do, as I'm sure others have said so already, the most important thing is to ASK FOR HELP! Sounds to me like you need a break and a good night's sleep, you deserve it and it will be good for both of you. (I see nothing wrong with a little crying, and lots wrong with you not getting help/sleep and feeling like you're going to lose it. If hubby doesn't want to hear the cries, let him get up.)

I would take him to the doctor and make sure he doesn't have an ear infection and then try the other suggestions people have given if he is not sick.

A., you are a good mommie and you and your son are precious to Jesus. He's still waiting to bless us moms and our children. Praise the Lord for this and all things. This can be a special time with Jesus for you and your little one. Hold him close, cuddle and sing to him, pray for the Holy Spirit to minister to him. God loves you too much to let you be overcome by the enemy. Lift your baby to Jesus, and claim his promises. He has promised not to give you more than you can bear. My favorites are Ro. 8:28 and Phil. 4:4-8, 13 & 19. The Bible is rich and I could go on and on with one promise after another, but you'll find your own. Remember, this "little jewel" is a precious gift, surrender him and all you have to Jesus. You are passionately loved by God; He will not forsake you, but will empty all of heaven to save you. May you have His, peace, joy, and power in your life today.

My children are now 21 years old and 10 years old, but I was a young mom once, too. I slept with both of my children at that age. When they were older, they had a toddler bed at the foot of my bed. When I moved them to their own rooms, I laid down with them at first. I sang songs to them, told stories. Those are now special memories for me. I would hate to have memories of my babies screaming for me in another room and I wouldn't come to them. Just my opinion, of course, but 9 months is too young to wonder why mom won't comfort me when I need it.

A. :)

have you read baby wise? i hear it is good. I have been fortunate and not had many problems regarding sleep. my 6 month old has been in his crib in his room for at least 5 months now, but he transitioned beautifully. is your little guy teething or possibly hungry?? My sister in law swears by baby wise. i know with their little guy, they did it and it worked. so you may want to try it and give it a shot. Good Luck!!

He is probably used to the rhythem of your breathing while sleeping. Try some low soothing music. Also you might try swaddling him and rocking him while making a sushing sound as loud as his cry. Once he settles, place hime back in his crib. Keep you hand on him until he is sleeping soundly. If he reawakens, as he probably will go back to him, place a reassurring hand on him, again sushing sounds until he resettles. It may take a number of attempts but he needs to know that you are available. He will eventually develop self comforting skills especially if he has his hands free to do so. Try this things for a while, it takes some time to readjust for all of us. Good luck and try to get as much rest yourself to keep up your reserve.

For now, just take him into bed with you and cuddle him till he's deeply asleep (you probably will be, too, by then :)

As for tomorrow night, and nap-times, in general, help him sleep in whatever way works best. Then, keep doing what you're doing, even though it looks like he's fallen asleep. Keep at it for maybe another 10-15 minutes. That helps him to really get into deep sleep, and helps him to relax so that he will stay asleep when you gently lay him down. If he starts to wake up when you do any of the letting go or walking away, just swiftly but gently return to your earlier soothing techniques, and he will be learning by this that you will be there if he needs you. Again, just soothe him till he's out. Because somewhere in his brain he knows you will return if he wakes and cries, he will feel safer about drifting off. This is the key point. It might take you a few days or a week or so, but if you follow these basics, you will be laying the groundwork for some really good sleep for Gavin and you for the long run.

After a while, once he really gets the whole sleep thing, you won't need to do this extra stuff.

That's the basic thing. For additional tips, details, etc., get No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley (at the library or amazon.com, or Borders - just get it! It WILL help, enormously!) or Nighttime Parenting by Dr. Sears.

But don't make him cry. It will only make it worse - he will find sleep to be even more stressful. Which will make putting him to bed, and keeping him asleep, even harder!

L.

I have 3 children - all of ours slept through the night by the time they were 3 months old and we used a book called "on Becoming Babywise" by Gary Ezzo. For reasons that I don't really understand, it seems to be very controversial. But, Mr. Ezzo's stance is that a child should learn some independence and confidence that while you may not be in the room, you are in the house and that they will see you when they wake in the morning. He suggests a routine schedule (although it does not have to be rigid) and his technique is for kids to wake, eat then play until they are sleepy (but not overtired) and then put down awake. I used it from the time my kids came home from the hospital and it worked GREAT for all 3. They are now 10, 9 and 5 and we have NEVER had problems with bed time or nap time. When they were 2 and 3 they would ASK for a nap because they felt so comfortable in their own beds in their own rooms. My 5 year old still naps about 3 days a week! Several people recommended Mr. Ezzo's book to me and they had the same success, so I am confident that I was not a fluke. While the information in his book is meant to be applied form the first few months, I remember there being a section about starting later. I hope it will be helpful. I can't imagine 9 months of waking in the night!

I read "The Baby Whisperer" and it was so helpful! The basic philosophy is called "EASY" each letter stands for a different part of the babies schedule. E is for Eat, A is for Activity (meaning don't feed your baby to get them to sleep, do an activity after eating), S is for Sleep, and Y is for your time. The book encourages you to get your baby on a schedule slowly over time. Many of my friends recommend the book "Baby Wise" and live by it. I've heard some mom's say that Baby Wise is a little more strict and is too hard to stick with but it might be just right for you. Getting a baby on a schedule and helping it learn to soothe itself to sleep is such a hard time for mom's but don't worry it's not forever! Good luck!

I read (I should say skimmed b/c I was too tired to read every word of any book) and used the techniques in the Baby Whisperer book when moving our daughter from our room to her crib in her nursery at around 8months. There are still nights when someone has to be within voice (i will sing a song or two softly from the other side of her door) or view (standing or sitting in the hall outside of her door that is open just a crack) of her for 5-10 minutes after being put in the crib to make sure she is comfortable and not going to cry out for Mama while she is putting herself to sleep. Now that she is 16 months old she does really well at "reading" whatever book she picks out that night to herself and whatever lovables are in her crib. It usually takes her about 15-30 minutes of being her crib and reading or playing to put herself to sleep.
Basically we started out with a routine of eating supper, getting a bath/cleaned up, changed for bed, playing with quiet toys and reading books together in the rocking chair in her room, and then time for bed. We did the pick-up/put-down method from baby whisperer and moved little by little from the side of her crib until whoever was putting her to sleep was able to leave her room---it took a couple of months to get completely out of her room after putting her in the crib, but has worked well with our daughter. http://www.babywhisperer.com/babywhisperer.html (the web site has message boards to address parenting questions including sleep)
Hang in there! I send best wishes for you and your son to get good sleep soon!

Hi A.,
You've received a lot of advice on this and I remember being in your situation with my daughter who is now 5 1/2 years. I bought all the books everyone is recommending and tried all of them. None of it worked and now that I have a second child (13 months who cries to be put down and no longer wants me to rock him to sleep) I realize that it is who my daughter is and nothing I did or didn't do was going to change that. In fact she still sleeps in the room with us and wakes several times during the night to be "tended to". She is what we lovingly call a very needy child. The strange thing is that while she is very needy in that she needs attention from us she is extremely independent and confident. Anyway what I'm trying to say is you should do what works for you and your family, not all kids can sleep on their on. Is it causing much more stress and worry than your previous sleeping situation? Maybe it just isn't worth it at this time. I wasn't able to get my daughter out of the bed until she was 3 yrs when I was able to explain it to her.

Good Luck

Make sure it is very dark in his room. Get black out fabric. I just velcroed it to the wall for a quick job. I would get Dr.Furber's book. You go in every five minutes, then 10 min, then 15 etc. You don't let him cry for more than an hour total. Commit to doing for at least a week. Don't try it without reading the whole book. I have done this method sucessfully with 3 of my 7 babies. I just did it with my last baby at about 8 months. He's 12 months now and sleeps great. Also, there is a great schedule in Gina Ford's the Contented Little Baby Book (she's an English nanny who has used this schedule on hundreds of babies). For my last baby it only took two days. He still cries sometimes but its just mild complaining.

Good morning A.. Wow, getting babies to sleep in their own beds is so hard on the mother and the child. If your son is in a new bed, I would suggest slowly acclimating him to it while he is still awake and you are in the room with him. I always made sure that my sons had their favorite toys in the bed, and lots of fun things to look at and play with attached to the sides. I would start out with the items on the floor where they could play with them, and then move them to the bed. I personally think that you are doing great with letting him cry! He will eventually get used to it, but my boys needed to know that I was there as well without taking them out of the bed. If they were standing up screaming, I would hug and pat their backs over the side of the baby bed and eventually force them to lie down. Then I would stand there and rub their backs util they calmed down (which sometimes took awhile, but within a few days--sometimes several times a night--they were fine).

The book that everyone with children who have sleeping problems rave about is called: On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo.

Hope that helps! C.

Just wanted to say hang in there. Being a young man is difficult. It will get better. Sleep will return someday. As with all phases of parenting - this can't last forever!

I feel for you. My son will be one at the end of the month and has not once slept threw the night. He is very very hard to get to fall asleep, I tried leting hi cry the other night and gave in at about 30 minutes, when I went in he was so upset. Do you you feed him when he wakes up? Ive been told not to, give him water. My son has acid reflux. Ive also have no help. Good luck to you, hang in there. Stay at home mom of a four yr old little girl ( who was a great sleeper, eater, everything!)and a very difficult one year old little boy.

I agree with Maryll's post. My oldest child is like her oldest child - his personality is just his own - I have found there is no book for him and I am just stressing myself out trying to follow some book - my younger son is so different and easier to deal with. Just do whatever you can figure out works for you and don't let other people advice stress you out - they have not had a child with a strong personality like yours and don't have any idea what you are dealing with. Just so you know your child is going to be very smart and that is why he is so difficult - he is already figuring his world out - you will be very proud of him one of these days - very soon - I promise!!!

You must be exhausted! I'm sorry, it will get better. Soon I hope for your sake!! Anyway, I would 1st take him to the dr. for a check-up to make certain they don't see anything (ear problemls, etc.). If nothing is revealed that is causing him not to sleep, then I would let him cry it out for naps and at bed-time. I bet you'll get some good suggestions about how long is good to let them yell. With our 1st child, he would scream for about 20 minutes and then give up on those bad occasions. He would nap then for 2ish hours and then sleep at night for 5-6 hours before waking up. I don't think he slept all night until he was 2 because he was a big eater and still needed a middle of the night bottle. He's a tall, slender teen now. Your baby has gotten used to sleeping in another room and is having problems making the transition to his own room. If you can nap during while he's sleeping, do so. Hope this is over soon for you and he's sleeping better.

"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth - everything you ever needed to know about childhood sleep and how to help your child learn how to sleep through the night. You're doing far more right than you realize!!

"A Family of Value" and "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!" by John Rosemond. More of generalized advice for parents, designed to help you recognize that you CAN do well, you CAN raise your child well, relying on your own common sense and self-confidence (fake it 'til you make it!).

I have a 20-month-old and a 2-month-old and I can't say enough good about these books - they have helped me to calm down and not overthink things. :)

I clicked by mistake. Sorry I raised 7 and never found a sure way to make them sleep all nite most of time.

Can you just move his crib back into your room until he is a little older and can better understand what is going on? I still have my 9 month olds crib in my room as well. when he is old enough to have a big boy bed (1 1/2-2) you could explain big boy beds go in his big boy room. Thats better than a bunch of sleepless nights.

I saw several recommendations for Gary Ezzo's book On Becoming Babywise, so I just wanted to add a caution. The American Academy of Pediatrics specifically cautions against Babywise. While the Babywise program does have some good information in it, it also has some dangerous information. Strict feeding and sleeping schedules, including this plan specifically, have been linked to dehydration and failure to thrive. This might not be as big a concern with a 9-month-old as with a newborn, but please be cautious if you decided to use Babywise. More information at www.ezzo.info

I also want to encourage you - it's normal for babies to go through phases when they wake more often. These are frustrating for parents, but they do pass. I know that doesn't help you get enough sleep right now, but the fear that things will never get better makes sleepless nights even harder than they already are. So take heart - things will get better eventually.