9 Year Old Son Very Sensitive..... Cries Alot

I don't have any advise but if you find something that works PLEASE let me know. I have a 9 year old that cries at the drop of a hat. If I tell him to clean his room, if we are having something for dinner that he doesn't want, if he does do as well at something as he thinks he should.... He has been like this since birth and I thought he would grow out of it. None of the response you have gotten so far apply.

Stephanie,

I was going to give advice on your first question about him feeling dizzy, but then I saw this, and it just confirms that my first though might be correct. Has he ever had any trouble concentrating? ADHD/ADD can cause children to have headaches and become dizzy. The kids try so hard to focus, that they end up straining themselves, causing headaches, dizziness, fatigue....etc. Now, you are saying that he cries occassionally while you are having him work on homework. He may be trying so hard, but is unable to concentrate enough. Therefore, he is working ten times harder than an average child his age. This means that he is stressed out, and doesn't know why. You might get him checked, and really observe him.

Good luck.

he might be exhausted from sitting in school all day. Talk to his teacher and make sure he isn't getting ridiculed at school by anyone. Has his Dad been deployed lately or is he deployed? There are several factors that could be causing it with having military kids. Does his school have a lot of other military kids he can relate too? You may want to have him talk to the counselor. Maybe he isn't feeling well. My kids come home with headaches often after school and have to sleep them off to get rid of them.

He shouldn't have more than 30 minutes of homework a day. The rule of thumb for our school district is 10 minutes per grade level and most of the time they have time at school to get it done so most kids don't have homework unless they didn't get it done at school. My son is 9 and a 3rd grader. He does get a homework packet every week which requires 60 minutes of reading, 40 min of studying math flash cards, and 4-5 worksheets and has all week to do it but he prefers to do all the worksheets one night, read all his 60 min at once on another night and do math facts one night so this usually takes him 3 days and gives him the other 4 days in the week without homework.

My boys don't cry all the time but they are sensitive and have compassion for people so it doesn't bother me when I see them cry because I would rather have them sympathetic towards people than be tough like their military Dad that doesn't know how to show his feelings when he is upset or frustrated and usually holds it all in and very grumpy for weeks before he is able to work through his problem.

I am not the child of a military family, but we have many of them in our family. Some kids just feel pressure to get things right all the time. And I think sometimes the military life accentuate's the need for perfection in some areas. My sister's 2nd child gets very emotional if he can't grasp something quickly. He excells in Math and Reading. He's in 2nd grade but reads at a 6th grade level. I would try to find something to build his confidence. Maybe Tai Kwon Do or something like that. I would try to get him to understand that when you get that upset your mind doesn't work right. It like shuts down. So if he could practice breathing deep long breaths to calm himself down that would be better than losing it.

Praying for your sweet boy and you.

L. B. (H. now)

Stephanie, I have looked at the responses that the other mothers have posted. I was looking for the perfect answer for MY OWN 9 year old boy. I don't think ANY of the posts were correct for MY situation. My son in the youngest in his class, and he has been and will always be sensitive. He is an intelligent kiddo, that AMAZES, and makes me laugh at the drop of a hat. BUT when he gets frustrated with homework, a chore, his sister, he starts to cry. He can fall down and scrape up his body and hardly shed a tear. But a tough problem, which he can usually do on his own FREAKS him out and the crocodile tears start flowing. We try to calm him down because the "reaction" is postponing the inevitable, he still has to do the problem. I also know MY son is doing this at school which I firmly believe is a manipulation technique he has perfected. He tends to daydream and when the children start to do the assignment, he realizes he may have missed some vital information and begins to shed his gigantic tears, the teacher feels sorry and goes to comfort him and then ends up "reteaching" or "rexplaining" the assignment. Oh boy does he have them trained. I also have a friend that has 3 boys ranging from Senior in Highschool, and 9th grader and a 6th grader ALL in major sports. I asked her when does the crying stop? she said I don't know, the oldest still does from time to time.
I wrote this to explain that it could just be his nature, or a form of manipulation, or as the others posted something going wrong at school. I wanted you to know that it seems to be common for boys to cry. (my husband does)

Stephanie,
There could be something else going on at school than
just the schoolwork. Hang in there. I am sure you are
doing a good job. Is dad around or on duty?
He may just miss dad. Or if dad is around have him help
with his homework if he can. And definitely with having
siblings he may need more time with just you or both of you.
God bless you and May God watch over your family.

Hi Stephanie,

Is your son crying about everything or just about school? If it is about school only, something he does not feel right is happening in there, probably nothing big, but big for him; may be an attitude of a teacher or a classmate may be causing this, and it would be important to find out what is going on. If he is always that way for different reasons, probably needs to mature or he is just that way. My oldest son is a little bit immature for his age and he is sensitive. Stephanie, work on building his self esteem, sports or a hobby he is good at it. Kids also need to build their own confidence, and feel they are capable of something. It is good that you don't mock him or yell at him, keep that great work, and be patient, you will see that he will outgrow this sensitivity.
Talk to him openly just the two of you at bedtime (it is the best time to talk to the kids...), and you would be surprised what kids tell you at that time.
When he makes mistakes, he will need re assurance and let him know that everybody makes mistakes, and everything has a solution. Let him cry, and vent when this happens, and then talk to him.

Alejandra

I have had the crying when helping with school as well with my two oldest. We are also military and it is definatly worth being sure that they know how to express concerns when he is gone. As mentioned it could also be something at school. The other thing I found is that I also had to make sure they knew that I was there to help them, I am a good guy. They are learning and may not get it the first time and it is OK. I am here to help them get it. To practice until they are good at it. We talked about what I may be doing that starts the tears. I try to mostly listen. I hope you find answers it can take time and sometimes I have had to point out it is just not a crying about thing. Good luck

Probably something else is going on. Perhaps he is being bullied at school or experiencing some other emotional trauma that you don't even know about. I recommend you check out the book "Raising Cain: Protecting the emotional life of boys" by Michael Thompson and Dan Kindlon. Good luck.

I have a 10 year old son who has the same issue. He is a very sensitive boy and we have just learned to ride out his days when everything just seems too much. I think it's natural for boys to be like this and the most we can do is just hug them until they're done and then talk about it afterwards. Let them know it's ok to cry and get them to talk about their feelings. If he's doing well in school and doesn't have any other issues I don't think that bullying has anything to do with it. My son has ADHD so I know that it plays a part in it but I think it's just his nature as well. Good luck!

Think about the situation as if it were a daughter instead of your son to make sure you're not allowing any sexism into your mindset. It's hard to see a boy cry and not feel some twinge of "something's wrong with this". Boys can cry!

I'm not meaning to demean your situation, though. I understand he may have a legitimate problem pertaining to school work. I just think it's important to try to remove bias when dealing with the topic of boys crying.

My son is 9 and he seems to cry easily, too, especially when being punished, no matter how gentle I am about it. Makes me wonder if I'm being manipulated or if he really is that tenderhearted. I know other members of the family make fun of him when he cries about something.

Although it is late in the school year, I would suggest checking with the teacher to determine if he reacts to his assigments in the classroom. Ask the teacher to email to you homework assignments, (should the teacher appear unwilling to assist you, remind the teacher of your desire to help your child). I realize with a samll preschooler, your time to volunteer in the classroom maybebe limited, but offer to volunteer to assist the teacher with classroom ativities. (Please note there are activities wchich you may perform withut going to the the scool, such calling other parents, where permitted preparing food items. By the way, is him work an activites he normally does with his father? Is his father available t assist with homework? Good luck with your child.