9 Year Old Needs Vision Therapy, and Is REFUSING to Go.

Mom- it is not her decision. take her to her appointment adn drga her in if you have to, Youare ht emom this is for her health and it is not an option period don;t threaten her, ust take her and if you need dad to go with you to help you carry her in fine. it may take one or two times of this infantil;e control issue behavior but once she knows youa re serious and dad is on bord with you , it will stop. It ireally is because she is feeling out of control but you still have to parent

First of all you are the adult so you have to somehow get
control of the situation. Has she been to therapy yet, would
you be able to get her to try it once or twice, maybe she
thinks there will be pain involved, also you could try letting
her look all the frames and then ask her which ones she would
pick out to wear. I hope I helped you out alittle bit.

K.

My daughter is 8 yrs old and has been attending vision therapy for a year now. She doesn't always want to go, but I try to make the outings about one on one time. Only she and I go, her brother and sister do not come along. Then occassionally after the session we will stop for an ice cream cone. We take books or read the ones that are there when we get there. It is hardest when the weather is nice to get her to go, since she would rather be with her friends. Those are the days I say I have something special for us to do afterwards. My daughter seems to be happy to have me one on one at this point, no one to compete with for my attention, so maybe that approach would help. Good Luck!

Ok, it is my understanding that you left your husband 3 years ago and your girls stay with their father on a regular basis? Is the problem with your daughter stemming from dad saying things (to her, about her, her over hearing, others repeating to her) about the eye therapy being a bad idea or dad bribing her to be at his house? Personally, I think your 9yo might also bennifit from individual counseling. It sounds like she has a lot to deal with, her body is changing (I have a 9yo girl), you have a man in your life who has a child, and of course the divorse.
As for eye therapy, I would not mention it for a week, and then take her. Don't tell her you are going to the eye therapy. As parents we are required to do what is best for our children, not what they want. I would take her (without her sister) and either participate in the therapy or wait with a good book in the waiting room. As a mom, we took our kids to get shots, and they hated them and screamed and cried, and we cried too, but we did it b.c they needed them and need them to be healthy. Hope that helps, best of luck!

I think you and your ex need to decide to decide. Of course, she's going to want to hang out with her friends at her dad's, but we're talking about her vision here, which is a quality of life issue. Once you and her dad are on the same page, she will see that you mean business. It may be helpful to make this therapy worth her while with rewards like a later bedtime, outings, fun activities with you, etc. This experience will teach her that sometimes we have to do what we don't want to because its necessary, a good life lesson.

I definitely agree with the previous two posts. You are her mother and although you both clearly have a LOT on your plates, when did she get to decide what medical treatments are best for her? Would she be allowed to decline a physical for middle school entrance? Follow up immunizations? Physical therapy after an accident? This is no different, yet vastly more important. If I had to guess, she has spent the better part of four or five years trying to enjoy reading but only becoming more frustrated and resistant. This therapy is related and she knows it. She doesn't want to be taken some place just to look like an idiot like she probably feels every day of her life (IF she's a struggling reader - which I know is presumptuous of me). Be the mom. Take her for therapy. She doesn't get to refuse to go. It doesn't matter if you have to drag her in there, you can't let her make this choice. It will be detrimental for the long term and mom's like us don't let our kids do that.

Hi L.,
Thanks for making my day! I am glad to read that I am not the only one with a 9-year (boy in my case) that yells everytime we want him to do something. In our case, it is karate. Just so you know I get the same reasoning: it cuts into his play time. I have worked with negotiation because once he is there he is having fun and I see that the 'before-act' is just a ploy to see I will give in. He doesn't get the negotiation if he doesn't do the 'whole event' with good behavior. I also feel some day he will appreciate it. We've done the explaining as well have told him as parents sometimes we make the choices for him because he cannot see the whole picture.
Why don't you sit her down and ask if you can give her one last negotiate by offering to her moving into the new room? Explain that each time (once a week) she goes to the therapy you will paint, move a dresser, move closet clothes, get something for the room. Come up with the 8 things making the moving of the bed last. You don't want her to be sleeping in there to her end of the bargain is done. :)
If she disagrees with this offer, then remind her that you are her parent you have made the choice for her because her eyesight is one of the most important senses she has. Take her kicking and screaming and remind her she is 9 years-old and if that is the way she wants others to see her behave, it's ok with you because in your heart you know you are a good (no great) mother looking out for her best interest and have taught her better manners. See how fast she will get over it when others are looking at her behaving this way. It's tough the first time, but when she realizes you mean business and are not going to apoligize for her behavior she should come around.
My advice might not be the best, but it's worked for me on more than one occasion. Good Luck! I hope the therapy works for her!

I know this is a late response, and possibly a repeat of advice you may have already gotten, but... It sounds to me like your daughter is taking control of an area of her life that she CAN control, since she CAN'T control your divorce and all of the change that comes with it. You should give her the choice of glasses OR therapy and then let her live with the decision. If you ask the doctor, I would bet that you could revisit the idea of therapy in 6 months or a year and still expect similar results.

Until then, it might be a good idea to look for some other areas of her life (big or small) where you might safely be able to allow her more of a sense of control.

Hope this makes sense. Good luck.

I'd keep on it, without presenting it as a decision already made, and made by you alone. Keep asking her to do it, keep asking her why she wouldn't do it, keep accommodating (as much as it's possible for your schedule)to move the therapy time to when she's not hanging out with friends, keep asking her to try at least once. Present it as something inevitable, but ask her to be involved in the decision about the details/conditions. She needs to be involved in the decision. It may take a longer time, than just forcing the issue and disciplining, but she also needs to learn to be responsible for her own body.

There is lots of good advice on this page already regarding the therapy. If I understand you correctly, if she goes to the therapy she won't need the glasses right? If that's kind of the issue try telling her that the therapy will help her with the double vision/pain but she is still going to need glasses - next year, let her pick out some frames but tell her she can't get the glasses until she goes through the therapy to make sure they get the right kind. Try to get the opt to buy into this plan in case he talks to her about it. Then when next year comes and she doesn't need them, just "wait and see" what happens at next years appt. :-) Good Luck.

Hi L.,
I don't have many suggestions, but had to tell you I laughed at your "7 cents"! congrats on making what must have been a tough decision .
Have you asked your daughter's teacher if he/she has any insights as to why this might be happening? did they read a story about someone who got therapy for something and DD thinks she might turn out like that? I know that sounds wacko.....but you never know.....
(Sorry I haven't read any other posts, my computer took me straight to the "Reply" screen). Good luck!

K. Z.

Ahhh little girls~ little women!!!!

L. if her arm were broke would you let the doctor fix it? Of course you would - because if you didn't her arm would be an issue for the rest of her life. Sometimes being a good mom is hard - right now for the betterment (is that a word?) of your little girl don't worry about being her friend. This is necessary for her future. Tell her she's going to therapy and take her. Don't threaten her with things that are too time consuming to follow thru with... Ask God to give you the strenght to stay strong and in the end she will thank you later! Peace!

Hugs to you L.! You are definitely going through alot. Extended divorces are draining enough without adding in everything else.

Do you keep a calendar out to note family appointments, dad weekends, etc? If so, just mark the therapy times on there with everything else. When it's time to go, just load the kids into the car and go. If she flips out tell her she has no choice, you have to correct her vision and save her from potential bigger problems caused by not correcting it. Whether she's embarrassed or just upset cause she wants to go play with her friends, she needs to go. Let her know that if she does her exercises religiously, the therapy will be over much quicker, and not drag out for years and years.

Yes, you could just correct the farsightedness and ignore the double vision, but that will add to future problems, especially in the reading department...so that will affect all her schooling and even future careers. You have the opportunity to correct it, and should. My son had to do several different exercises daily, including one they called eye pushups. They literally made him ill the first week or so, which you can imagine did not make him want to do them. But we pushed through it and were done in under a year. He still goes to a weekly tutoring program to help with other issues like crossing midline, and after 5 years, it is getting old for him (and me). But hey, that's what we moms do!

I'm sure dad is doing his best to just be Mr. Good Time Charlie. He wants to be the popular one, so he's not going to push the issue with her. If you have to do it on your own, you just have to be more clever, and find ways to submarine his efforts which are not helping your daughter. If it helps, say you'll pick up a friend or two to bring back to your place.

Hang in there L.! And good luck with your divorce.

I hope you are also looking into family therapy. It sounds like a lot is happening at your house and it may be overwhelming for your daughter. Remember she is only 9. I would also suggest taking her just to visit the therapist to calm any anxiety. My son has double vision and we haven't done any therapy. The dr just did an MRI to rule out a condition in the brain. He never recommended therapy but I have researched and had an OT do some work with him and she thinks therapy would be good for him.

put a blind fold on her and make her wear it. Tell her if she doesn't go to therapy in a few yrs. this is what she'll see.....nothing.

my daughter went thru therapy also. she had some sort of crossing of the eyes that was impairing her vision enough to not make out the words on the page correctly, so as a result she was not comprehending the story. they fitted her with bifocals that at first she had to wear all the time, then he said she only had the wear them when reading. this was two years ago and now she doesn't wear them, it seems her eyes have improved. she still has trouble with comprehension though and hates to read. also for the first three months she used a computer program at home that i paid like 300.00 for...it was lots of games that she had to wear special 3-D glasses with and she did it for 1/2 hour 5x a week. i have poor vision, but never anything like she's gone thru. i think someday she will have to actually wear glasses or contacts, but she seems better from the program. we went to a place in maumee for all of this and they were the nicest people.
as on leaving your ex...i was going thru divorce also at the time my daughter was going thru this and i think it was doubly hard on her because of it. i think you just have to make her do this therapy. there are lots of other kids who have the same problems out there, and actually they will do a lot of computer games and such with them which all kids like. you don't want her eyes to get worse.

M.

This sounds like a very difficult situation. The first thing to do is get Dad to present a united front. He would not use a "wait and see" attitude if she needed her toncills (sp?) removed, you would schedule the surgery. This is the same thing. She needs medical treatement for a condition that can affect the rest of her life. Step two, cut a deal. For every time she goes to thearapy, you give in to something she wants, (maybe the way her room gets decorated). Then try to schedule it for a time when she won't feel like her time is taken away from her friends. If all of that doesn't work, remember you are the parent, you made the decision and you CAN make her go. Don't allow a temper tantrum to interfere with what you know is best for her.

my second daughter needed vision therapy at around age 10, she wasn't happy about it but did not throw a fit about it. I do know that the younger something like this is caught and dealt with the better--especially so she will enjoy reading more. I think the advice of the other Mom was good --just take her for the appt just like you would any other appt-do not give her a choice! It does no good to argue with children--as Dr Rosemund says you need to take control! Most 9 yr olds are old enough to not want to look like a baby in public--so hopefully she will do okay once she is there! But if she does throw a fit or refuse to co-operate with the dr then do take away all priviliges--esp tv and video, after all they are not good for vision. You could offer some kind of reward for doing it also.

If she needs it, she needs it. Vision therapy works wonders, and she will enjoy reading much more if it is not a chore to do so. Don't expect for her to like it, and it is not necessarily fun to exercise muscles that have not developed typically, so she may also resist doing the homework, which will be your biggest problem. Offer a reward for cooperation, and then take away privalages if she pitches a fit. Children with choices feel empowered, and she is not old enough to make the choice not to go. Make her choice cooperating and earing something she wants, or misbehaving and loosing things that she likes. That is her choice, not "to go or not to go." The sooner you get it, the better, they do improve vastly, three of our children have needed this, and it works, and if Dad won't pay, find a way to do it anyway, a need is a need.

M.

L. has your daughter been to therapy? My dear friends daughter had the same sounding issues and she worked with her daughter at home on some of thr therapy. It was games and even her friends would come and take part. Can Dad take her when he has her. Reminder her when she is older she may be able to have surergy to correct her trouble and not have to wear glasses after that but they don't do the surgery until your older and done growing. If the therapy is not done mighten her eyes get worse. Ask what she enjoys seeing. Like her friends, presents, Chirstmas trees, Grandma and Grandpa.
Put a blind fold on her and ask her to walk around. She will of course not be able to do it with out bumping into things. Tell her if she doesn't get the therapy and glasses how much fun will it be to play with her friends then. She's not to young to be frank with her.

My daughter also went to Vision Therapy (VT). I must say, after two years of patching with no improvement, it was the best money ever spent! We were with another Doctor, but then switched to Thomas Cable for the VT. Talk about thoroughness and professionalism!! Our treatment plan was for 36 weeks (if I remember correctly) and we have done about a year of maintenance up to this point. The change has been phenomenal! She was 7.5 when we started and she is 9 now.

It is a lot of fun games, but also hard work for the kids, due to their eye constraints. It is not only the weekly appointment, but eye exercises at home everyday. Every child is obviously different, but we found that positive reinforcement vs. negative worked best for us. Because our treatment was so long, we did a variety of activities. We allowed her to set her own reward schedule. You can provide some guidelines based upon what you think is reasonable. Things like going to dinner after each weekly session, providing she attends her appointment and does her daily program with no complaints and she gets to pick the place!... Earning a trip to Chuck E. Cheese's at the end... A piece of clothing or toy or game that she wants. Based upon the value of the item, you can assign points and expectations. For example, if she wants a $25.00 item, she might have to earn 21 points (1 point for each day of doing her VT with no complaints = 3 weeks). Sometimes we also spelled out things that she wanted with magnetic letters; one letter for each day that she did her VT with no complaints. When the word was spelled, she earned the reward. Another time, I cut a picture of an ice cream cone into pieces. For each day that she cooperated, she got a piece of the puzzle. When it was together, we went for ice cream. Just a variety of things. Again, your daughter is old enough to participate in setting the rewards. Ones that are meaningful to her, will work best. You may think, I am not going to reward my daughter for doing something that she should be doing for her own good, but in her mind it is one more thing to do, hard work, takes away from play time... basically a bunch of negative things. If we as parents can put a positive spin to it, it makes it easier on all of us! Hope this helps.

Hi L.,
It sounds like you have alot on your plate. Here is a hug for you. Ok...Now, first of all aside from her wanting to play with her friends, shes probably scared. My professional back ground is in optometry. So, with this being said lets look at some options here. First. Does she need prism in her rx? If not...then find out,if she is willing to attend visual therapy,if she would be considered for contact lenses. I know this sounds crazy because shes only nine. But the main objective is her vision. Also, it sounds like your a frame rep. If so you know about the new technology thats out there to help with the appearance of the lenses. If not some great choices for her lenses would be anti-reflective coating this will reduce the "buggy eye " look. Also there are some other lenses that can make the lenses thinner. I would try a reward strategy with her. I know you other moms are out there yelling thats shes the mom and to take control and not let her walk all over her but this is a scary thing for a "little" girl to go through. Maybe tell her if shes willing to go to therapy with out any trouble the first time you and she will have a date night at a movie and dinner or maybe tell her that if she completes therapy ( all 8 weeks of it) she can have a big slumber party bash at your house with #? of friends and pizza. You are a very brave strong women and you can make it through all of this. I know this is a hard time for you. I'm praying for you and your family. I hope this helps. I have a 10 year old daughter and it doesnt get any easier from here so we have to be more creative and just be the best moms we can be.Good luck!

L., I dont have any advice for your daughter, I do want to give you huge kudos for getting out of the abusive relationship! Sometimes the hardest part is just getting out. My ex husband was verbally and metally abusive and used drugs. I am a completely differnet person and its always good to hear another woman get out of that situation. Its not good for you or your girls!! Good Luck with your divorce! C.

Many of the exercises can be done at home and are required to be done a minimum of 5 to 6 times a week. They started out telling me (single grandparent raising 10 GS who has eye problems and we went into the therapy) it would take approximately 15 minutes a day and within three sessions it was up to 35 minutes a day and by the end of session 6 it was taking me 25 minutes to set up for theray and 45 minutes to do the therapy and he rebeled and refused to do it.
I would find out the actual diagnosis, look up the therapies, and do them on my own and take her in for check ups every six months.
Result, she is getting therapy for her condition, the cost has been cut by 80%, she isn't being forced to lose time by trips to and from and the actual therapy during what she considers play time with friends since the therapy can all be done in the evening after it is dark and homework is done and you will have more time to work with her and see the problem start to resolve.