I have a VERY difficult ex, my 9 year old boy (only child) spends Sundays with his dad from 9a until Monday when his dad takes him to school. His dad is the one who arranges playdates "convenient" to him, he mostly invites one of his friends who is a single dad and my son must play with a much younger boy, with a foul mouth , of course I'm not going to change this.
In my case I ask my son who he wants to have a playdate with, then I contact the parent, so I don't impose a friend on him; he has friend a boy who is his classmate and best friend, he could be a "handful" but when he comes home, I state my expectations and they have amazing playdates, when they are going out of line, I speak with both. My ex took this boy with my son on a fishing day trip, boys are boys and my son was a bit more "verbal" than he normally is, so my ex decide that my son can't invite his friend anymore. Like I said I have this boy mostly every week at home and I let them be boys, they play, have sleepovers, and clean after themselves etc. I have even taken this boy on a 2 day trip to the FL Keys.
My son is broken hearted, since they are having a playdate today and he would love to take him fishing tomorrow, but dad won't take it. Can someone share a word of wisdom please? Thanks!
I have no clue how to reply! My ex takes my son to school EVERY day, in the summer he takes him to camp EVERY DAY; he is with my son EVERY Wednesday from 3p when school ends until 7:30p, when I pick him up; they also speak on the phone EVERY day.
He is only with his dad for one day a week? Then I would tell him to let it go, enjoy his day with his dad, and he can see his friend at school on Monday.
Amen to what Jen said! I'm sure your ex has his reasons and all you can do is respect that no matter what.
What does "verbal" mean? Just chatty, talky 9 year old? Or mouthy, sassy, 9 year old?
If the later, your Ex may have gotten the impression that that the other boy is a bad influence on your son.
In either case, it is the Father's decision about who to have over. Just explain to your son that play dates with this child will be at your house and leave it at that.
It's really hard, I know. The thing is, when he is in his dad's care, these are his decisions and unless they harm your son, then you have no say in it.
I think you should go back and remind your son that his behavior was the cause of the grounding. Boys will be boys and you are right, but since dad only has him that one day a week, he doesn't see that like you do. He also hasn't maybe developed the skill set to handle two boys the same age being boys.
Tell him that if he is on his best behavior with his dad for the next few weeks you will try to intervene and very nicely request that he be given a second chance with an invite for his friend. Then, if dad says "OK" I would let both of the boys know in advance, just like you do when they are at your house, what will be expected of the for the day if they want to do it again. However, if dad says "no" that's dad's right and what he says on his time goes.
Sounds like your son is seeing his friend pretty often at school and in your care. If Dad isn't up to it, why push it?
I agree with the others.
His dad doesn't want to deal with babysitting another kid, sounds very reasonable to me. I think dad is right here. Just tell your son he can see his friend later, sounds like they see each other quite a lot. Your son is certainly old enough to learn that he doesn't have to see his friend all the time, especially on his outings with dad. Be lucky your son has such an active and caring father, I don't think you should be trying to enforce friends at dad's. And, is it still called 'playdates' at 9?.
