I am desperate for suggestions. My 9 month old son is so attached to me or has abandonment issues or something to the point that I can't walk out of the room anymore. For example, the family sat down for dinner tonight and when I got up to get a drink and he started screaming as if someone was stabbing him. I cannot leave him with anyone anymore as everyone refuses to watch him - he screams, cries, vomits from the crying,etc., from the time I leave until I return home, whether it's 5 minutes or 5 hours. It even happens with my husband. When the baby is with me, he is such a sweet, happy, little guy. I don't understand where we went wrong- I have left him with extended family as babysitters since he was a baby and he stays home with my husband while I have some "me" time at least 3 times a week. Everyone loves him and treats him well, but he wants nothing to do with it unless it's me. This started about a month ago and now I am at my wit's end. My husband looks like he wants to cry too when I leave! Everyone has tried assorted ways to calm the baby down. He won't eat, he won't drink, he won't sleep, refuses to be held, will not play - even with his sisters whom he adores. We've tried music, videos, blankets, favorite toys, an unlaundered shirt of mine (weird, but the pediatrician suggested it), and more.
HELP!!!
K. E.
it's just a phase...he maybe more needy then other babies because of the fact he doesnt have his birth mother....my son went through it...and I work full time too....once he started walking - he really gained a ton of independence...he still gets funny sometimes, especially when he is tired....suck it up as much as you can, cause before you know it, he'll be wiggling out of your arms!!
take care!
Hugs! I can't really offer any solutions other than to tell you that this is normal. Most healthy babies go through a "separation anxiety" period at around this age--just most not so severe. The good news has two parts:
-your son is well attached to you. Good job Mom!
-your son will get through this...its just the getting there that is hard.
I know as a mom myself that it is impossible to ALWAYS have your son with you...but I'd encourage you to keep him with you as much as possible. Meeting his need to be with you will help him to move past this stage the quickest. So I'd encourage you to use a sling or carrier of some type.
Hugs & good luck!
First of all, I don't think you have gone wrong anywhere! This is the age when separation anxiety begins. The only thing that I can suggest, because I have seen this in our own family, is to make sure that YOU are not giving off any signals of apprehension on your part. As hard as it may be, you have to smile and be extra happy when handing him over to a family member. Some children take SO many of their cues for how to respond to others directly from us. You know how they say that dogs can sense fear, I have found that babies can do the same. My very good friend went through this with both of her children and is still going through this 10 years later! She has made it painfully obvious that she doen NOT like to leave her children and they know it. It is SO hard to let go of our babies! Afterall, we know what is best for them at all times and sometimes you have doubts about whether someone else will care for them as well as we can. I know, I have felt the same! You just have to be a good actor and give that child the courage to be away from you by being courageous yourself.
That's about the age my kids went thru separation anxiety. This too shall pass. Maybe try spending a little more one on one with him, but I'm sure you did nothing wrong.
Good luck and God Bless.
L.
.
K.,
I agree that playing peekaboo and hide and seek are excellent suggestions. This helps your little guy to continually "practice" mom leaves, mom comes back. Also some other ideas for transitional objects might be a t shirt or crib sheets with your picture printed on it (check out a tshirt printing shop) or a tape recording of your voice.
Good luck.
I'm sorry your little guy his having such a hard time. That must by difficult for all of you. Although your son's reaction is a little more extreme than I have seen among my kids and my neices/nephews here are a few suggestions we have tried with some success:
Don't make a big scene when you are leaving the house. Just give him a simple kiss good-bye and say "I love you". When you return home give him a big smile and a hug.
Play peek-a-boo games. Hide around the corner and then jump back into his view. Hide toys under blankets and help him find them.
When together in a room with him, gradually work your way across the room to put some distance between you. Go a little farther each day, even going into other rooms where you are still in his view. Work up to being out of sight. Praise him for being able to play by himself.
Good luck!
