9 Month Old Not Sleeping Through the Night

I credit my child's independence to her learning to comfort herself. I'm always going to be there for her and she knows it but she also knows she can do it herself.

Hi T.,

My daughter did the same thing starting around 6 months. From then until around 9 months, I was getting up several times at night to help her back to sleep. I didn't like the crying it out solution and now I'm grateful I didn't do it as studies have shown brain bleedings and high stress indicators for children who are allowed to cry unattended for long periods of time.

But you still need sleep! I can't recommend a specific method because what works for one baby doesn't work for all, although my sister relies on the No Cry Sleep Solution book by Elizabeth Pantley.

My personal solution was to stop getting up and going to the crib all night, rather, I'd just pull her into bed with me and throughout the night when she awoke, it was either me nursing her back to sleep or a simple cuddle/hand rock thing that I could accomplish without waking too much.

People will say that this brings out terrible sleep habits. Not in my experience - in fact the opposite was true. We finally all slept better and eventually she grew out of this need. Now, at four and 1/2 she sleeps in her bed and gets up at night to go the bathroom if she needs to. If she's scared because of a nightmare or needs mom, she just walks into our room and wakes me up.

Children change SO much and one phase grows into another and so on. It's difficult to see this now, but it'll change and the only real advice I'd give is to trust your instincts and your knowledge of what your baby needs.

Get the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby. It is at Barnes and Noble and has come highly recommended.

I completely agree with Michelle. Stop doing the CIO and bring him into bed with you so you can both get some sleep and he can be comforted. It is totally normal for a 9 month old to still be waking at night. My 23 month old still does. The more sensitive you are to his night time (and daytime) needs, the more relaxed he will come and the better you guys will sleep!

Just want to let you know that you are not alone!! I have a 15 month old daughter who started waking up at night- once or twice for anywhere from 15 minutes to 3 hours. My doctor told us to let her cry it out- which I disagreed with. We halfheartedly tried to leave her in there one time and she was so terrified- after that she acted like your boy and was really afraid of her bed. It took us several weeks to get her used to her crib again after that one instance and she only cried for 10-15 minutes!
Well, her night waking had gone on for months and months and guess what? About 2 weeks ago, she slept all night from 7-7:00, we were in shock. Then she did it the next 2 nights!!! Then...she got sick and was up several times a night. She got better and went right back to sleeping all night again. I think kids do go through phases- I never thought she would work it out on her own!!!
We did decide to let her cry a few minutes before going in to get her and this has helped alot. Now, she will cry for a bit and then fall back asleep. I think it is so important to be there for your child when they need you and not leaving them scared and alone in the dark. It has also helped alot to leave a sippy cup of water, her doll, and her blankie right next to her at night for security. We still have a ways to go but I am positive that being there and responsive to her needs has been just what she needed to be able to sleep all night- we just have to be patient and allow them to develop at their own pace.
I know how hard it is being up at night but in the end you are doing what is best for your baby boy. GOOD LUCK!

PS There is a website called babywhisperer.com that has a section devoted to sleep issues- without cry it out, there are several methods to help if you want a game plan. It is a very good website!

When you took him to the doctor did they examine him to make sure there aren't any physical or medical reasons he is waking up? My younger child who would also get so worked up crying he would throw up so I didn't feel comfortable doing the cry it out method either. My older son had ear infections and asthma so he wasn't really a candidate for the CIO method either. My kids had a lot of sleep issues when they were babies to preschoolers, but are now 9 and 12 and sleep well. I never did cry it out and did many things that sleep experts probably wouldn't recommend because I was desperate to get some rest, but in my personal experience it hasn't caused long term sleep issues. If you do want to try the CIO method again there are modified ways of doing it where you check in on them without picking them up or giving them a bottle, etc. One method is the "Ferber method" that you could probably research on line or look for his book. The individual who was our sleep lifesaver was Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and her book, "Sleepless in America." I would recommend you check it out. Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon.

We had the exact same situation as you. And we tried a modified cry it out technique at 9 months. It didn't work. I could tell after a couple nights that he just wasn't ready. So we just dealt with our lack of sleep for another 6 weeks and tried again. Totally different experience and it worked.

Note: With a pure cry it out method you are not supposed to go to the child at all. I do think that is cruel. But modifying it with going in every 5-15 minutes and patting/rubbing their back (but not picking them up or talking) usually gives them the reassurance that they not abandoned.

My 2nd son was the same way. He used to fuss the moment we'd walk into his room. I don't think it's fear, they just know that it means they aren't going to be held and coddled. Letting them cry it out is always hard, but it's worth it and usually only takes one night of commitment. Every 20 minutes go in, give a nook (if you use one) and hush him. They say no touching, but that's your call. It can take all night in some cases, but it's worth it. Good luck!

this is what most people do or are told to do when there is any sleep issue at all. and naturally, baby will learn that the crib is a place where he is alone and scared crying.... thats in my opinion what causes babies and toddlers to have bedtime issues.

my son never cried anything out. what is "it" and where is "out" anyway? you are right that it is cruel and uncaring - those are your mommy instincts kicking in. the more you listen to them now, the more you will be able to understand and respond to your child later. its important that you listen to your instincts, and dont force yourself to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, no matter what it is.

sometime around a year old baby's cries will change and you will realize that they are less urgent than they were before.. and then it is possible that you can let him cry a little bit longer - not to teach him to cry, but if you are in the middle of something, you will be able to have a few minutes to get to him. however, keep listening to any cries and respond to the ones that you will just KNOW are important. my son is 28 months and ive listened to his cries all along, and im telling you, he only cries if something is serious. his tantrums are minimal, and usually i know whats wrong before the tantrum even starts, and we deal with the problem instead of punishing him for his behavior. its SUCH a blessing.

check www.askdrsears.com - sleep is a BIG issue for every child in one way or the other and at one time or another. however, we NEVER have to make our children cry in beds alone and scared, there is NO reason for it - its not helpful. it teaches babies that mom and dad dont respond when baby needs us to - only when we want to - which breaks down trust.
as a child care provider, i have learned that babies dont have the congnitive ability to manipulate adults. they have feelings, and they cry to get their needs met. before a year old, they dont really distinguish between a need and a want - they are all needs to them - thats when their cry changes - when they start realizing what the difference between a need and a want is - however, until the age of 8 kids do not have the ability to talk to themselves in their heads, so i assure you that they are not plotting how to get their way or manipulate anyone - for example, if you are on the phone - a child will interrupt you because even though they KNOW you are doing something - they cant tell themselves "moms on the phone now and she will listen when shes done talking" - they just cant do it.

anyway, theres many reasons why he might not be sleeping, developmental stages is one - learning to crawl, stand up, walk, etc - those will all interrupt sleep. also teething is a big one - you can try giving him tylenol before bedtimes..

also, remember that this is the ONLY time in his life that his weight will TRIPLE and his height will DOUBLE. this requires an immense amount of feedings. it is entirely possible that he is growing again and NEEDS to eat at night - its best not to ignore that - for fear that you will teach him not to listen to his own hunger cues. babies tummies are only the size of his fist - thats pretty tiny! solies dont necessarily help babies sleep better than formula or breastmilk, so feeding a solid right before bed isnt always the best choice either, digestion can wake us up. :D

anyway, good luck. i assre you that it wont be like this forever, but the lack of sleep pretty much will last the rest of your life. just do what you can, take naps when you can - choose sleep over chores for a while. my son woke at night until somewhere between 15-17 months - we were doing a lot of cosleeping and night nursing. cosleeping is safe and just fine - no, kids do NOT get so used to it that they never want to leave your bed. a fulfilled need goes away, an unfulfilled need is the one that doesnt go away - sometimes its replaced by some undesireable habit. example: not allowing baby's need to suck could mean they grind their teeth instead.

anyway. good luck. follow your instincts. they will NEVER be wrong. the doctor will be wrong. your family and friends will be wrong - you and dad are specifically given the intuition and instincts to deal with your specific child. do what you can and what you know your child needs. you will NOT regret doing what you know is best and what your child needs - you will regret it if you dont do what your instincts tell you.

Our first child did the same thing around 6 months. I then purchased the book Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. I didn't like the cry it out method because I felt it was cruel and I didn't really have a game plan. But the book is wonderful it got her sleeping through the night again after only three nights of her methods. The book is broken up by ages, and has sections in the back for routine busters and medical conditions. We then used the book from birth with our second and it has been wonderful. Her method is a very gentle approach and you won't have to let him cry it out. If you follow the book I promise you in less than 2 weeks you will be getting sleep!

Your DR gave you advice - do what he said. Its the only way to break that habit. Been there, done that. The longer you put it off the harder it will be (take longer to break). Just bit the bullet and go for it. Crying has never hurt a baby - remember that. :D

It's so easy for doctors to advise something that they are not going to have to do or live with the results of.

My 8-month-old was up so much and I was so desperate for sleep that I posted my request last week. The best advice I got was about checking more deeply into her needs, bringing her to bed with me, and hanging in there. You said that he got sick with a cough and a cold after 2 days--so did my baby. But I think that she may have actually been getting sick before I noticed it and something uncomfortable was waking her up. They can have ear infections before or after other observable symptoms. They can also have many other needs that we really cannot perceive. If we can't diagnose them and solve them, then we can be there to support the baby as he deals with them. I also got her a chiropractic adjustment (it seemed to help). One night I actually gave her Motrin just so I could sleep. I reasoned that she really may have an ear infection. (It made me feel better.) But I also knew that if I could get some sleep once, then I could keep hanging in there a little longer. And I would rather have her get the long-term effects of one dose of Motrin than the long-term effects of crying it out.

As for that, I just want to say that the effects of always responding to your baby (and child as he grows) are so incredible, you will never regret the sacrifice. We are so thrilled at the relationship we have with all of our children from age 18 (he even gets his girlfriend advice from his dad--talks to us about anything and we never worry about what he might be up to) to 2 (she is so easy to discipline and comfort because she is so connected to us) and everything in between (we have 10). We call it "having their hearts" and we guard it with everything. I think it starts here. I never turn my back on any of them when they have something to say to me, and I feel like that's what letting the baby cry it out is. I know it is so hard when you are so tired. Try to find coping ways to get through this (I went and got a massage, give her to the husband at night sometimes...)and remember that it will pass.

Is it possible to try to take a nap during the day to catch up on sleep? Your son will eventually go back to sleeping all night. My son just turned one, and he actually just started sleeping through the night regularly March 6 (His one year birthday was March 14)!! (Yeah, I'm a nighttime softie and toughed it out that long! Shame on me I guess, but he likes his bed, and takes naps!)

I have a friend that has a 16 mo old that hates his crib, and it continues to be a battle for her. If at all possible, I'd try to reverse his "scary bed" worries.

Your sweetie might just be teething and waking due to pain too. You could try giving him some motrin or something before bed and see if that helps.

*Chassidy

does she have something to comfort herself with like a lovey or a paci. If you are not against thse things i have had great success with them. My son has a monkey and a paci. He only uses the paci for napping and bedtime and as long as he has his monkey he will sleep almost anywhere. he stopped needing me at night at around 7 months but before then i would have to go to his room a few times a night to fetch a lost paci or a monkey that had been thrown across the room. i never reall spoke to him just gave him back his things and walked out he would fuss a bit then he would go to sleep. i am not against cosleeping once in a while either. Make sure that your little one gets lots of attention during the daytime, before bed and as soon as he wakes in the morn, so that he doesn't feel like he needs it all night. Sleep tight!

I just wanted to let you know that I can relate!!! My son started sleeping through the night at 2 months, then once he hit 4 months, he started waking up again! My doctor also told me to try the cry it out method, but we only have a 2 bedroom apartment, and he shares our room (my 7 year old stepson is in the other room), so it's hard to just let him cry it out because we want sleep! lol But we will be moving into a 3 bedroom apartment in a month, and we are going to try to just let him cry it out. he wakes up in the middle of the night too wanting a bottle, when i know he's had plenty to eat during the day. My son also cries when i take in the room with the crib, but he does it because he doesn't want to go to sleep! lol but once i put him in there, he cries a bit, then he turns on his ocean wonders aquarium, and he's usually sleep in like 2 to 3 minutes. Do you lay him down to go to sleep on his own, or do you rock him until he falls asleep? i just started putting him in his crib when he's awake, and then he goes to sleep in like 2 minutes. Sometimes he's so overtired, but he fights it. but usually once i put him in the crib, he falls asleep.
Well, i don't know if i really have any suggestions, because i need some myself! lol but i just wanted to let you know i sympathize, and i'm going through the same thing! :)

K.