9 Month Old Breastfed Daughter Will NOT Take a Bottle from the Babysitter

at 9 months.. she can eat baby food... fruits and veggies.. baby cereal.. drink water and juice and eat table food such as cheerios.. and most other foods cut up small.

there is no reason for her to starve all day.. she can eat other things.. my son never took a bottle of milk from anyone.. but he would eat baby food and drink juice while I was gone..

My sister had this problem when she went back to work, but her daughter was younger (4 mos old). After a week or so of my sis having to leave work on her lunch to go bf at daycare, the daycare suggested giving her formula in a sippy cup instead of a bottle. It worked! For whatever reason, she would take the sippy cup but not the bottle.

You have a problem which is not uncommon for babies who did not get enough bottle practice, period.

I want to share a story with you which, I hope, will stop the blame game between you and the sitter because if it continues, you could very well lose it and lose a good sitter as well.

A few years ago, my husband's coworker was desperate to get some time in at work and dropped off her daughter to me. The daughter had been 'mostly' breastfed and wasn't taking a bottle with regularity because, like you, mom wanted to keep her supply up.

I spent four excruciating hours with a baby who simply would NOT take the bottle her mom left her. I called the mom and asked if, after an hour of unsuccessful attempts, I could modify the nipple so more milk could come out. (Bear in mind, I came to that moment having helped raise up nearly an entire generation of babies-- without having earlier encountered this problem.) This little girl refused to take the bottle and I finally called the mom to come pick up her kid. Imagine my surprise when she seemed upset with me, nursed her baby and took off in a huff. While, at the time, I was somewhat floored that the mom had such an attitude with me, later she admitted that her baby hadn't been taking bottles with any real success to begin with and that she'd hoped that maybe the baby would with me because she really had wanted to work. I got stuck in a situation which that mother created entirely on her own.

This has nothing to do with these babies 'trusting' us- hungry babies WILL eat. I don't think I've ever seen a hungry child turn down food from anyone because of the person presenting it. Ever. This has everything to do with the fact that the baby didn't get enough regular practice with the bottle, and that is something babysitters cannot control. She can't go back in time and undo all the times you did nurse when you and your husband should have had the bottle in play. We started our son on a bottle at about 9 or 10 weeks because I didn't want him to only be able to nurse; and you know, it took us a few days of me leaving the house and letting my husband feed our son so that they were able to get their own rhythm. For a breastfed baby, bottle-feeding has to be a skill which gets regular use as, even with a 'breast' nipple, it's a different level of nursing/suckling action.

So, stop with the blame game. My suggestion at this point would be to try a cup. As for not being able to hold a baby constantly-- that's reasonable. I carried babies a LOT and needed to go to physical therapy for my back. You have two other children who need her attention as well; at some point, we do need to put the baby down and tend to other things. It's a reasonable comment. It's hard, because I understand how much we love our babies... mine slept on ME a lot during his infancy, but I can also tell you that when I was a nanny, I did ask parents to let me start helping their child learn to sleep *off* mom and dad, because when we have caregivers, we have to remember that they need to be able to do their jobs with all the kids in their care, including our older ones.

So, back up from "baby doesn't trust you", start using bottles or cups as often as possible, and try to see the reality of your care situation. Maybe you do have a higher-needs kid and may need to hire a nanny who will be willing to pack her around? Maybe you want to let go of some of the expectations about how much the sitter is supposed to hold an endlessly-crying baby. But the fact that this has gone on for six months... I don't know what to tell you. You may have developed too many bad feelings between each other. Personally, when I was working as a nanny, I wouldn't have stayed that long with someone who was blaming me and 'trust issues' for their kid not taking a bottle. It doesn't ring true for me.

If she is 9 months old, she should be eating solids when the others eat. She can have either breastmilk, formula or water to drink if she is thirsty from a sippy cup. A 9 month old can usually use a straw! This seems solvable.

That way you won't have a starving baby. She may want to cluster feed but that would be a bonding issue with you and not so much of nutrition.

I am concerned that your baby sitter has too many other children and the 9 month old is not getting a lot of attention. If your sitter needs a "device" in order to be able to hold the 9 month old more - than she needs an Ergo or wrap or something. There should also be appropriate toys for a 9 month old! Our daycare has tons of exersaucers. There should also be lots of floor play for the 9 month old.

Good luck!

It's a blame game because that's what you've turned it into. Instead of turning this into a situation where you are holding it against the sitter for everything she's not doing try looking at it as her being part of the team that cares for your child. Your daughter is 9 months old. She can drink out of a sippy cup and eat solid food. Instead of nursing her at home trade off sippy cups and solid food during the day so that's what she's use to. It's not the sitter's fault that you didn't bottle feed before going back to work and since you don't have a time machine to change it you just need to let it go and deal with what you currently have.

Some children accept change very easily and they go with the flow. Some don't. I remember when my twins were toddlers. I'd throw water in a sippy cup for each. My son was ok with whatever but my daughter needed it in a particular color of sippy with the 'right' lid on it. He was go with the flow and she wasn't.

At this point, I think you should give up on the bottles at daycare. It's a huge source of frustration for everyone. I can think of a few options, which you may be able to try all at the same time.

1) Go to a sippy cup. She won't know how to use it right away, so take the valve out so that when it's tipped up, the pumped milk will drip out without any sucking. You'll have to tip it up for her the first few times until she figures out that there is something good in there. Don't hold her in a nursing position to do this. Have her sitting in her high chair, so that for her, it seems to have NOTHING in common with nursing except for the milk. That way she won't associate the sippy cup with you, and that will make it easier for the daycare provider.

2) Does your baby do any solids yet? If so, have the sitter feed the baby rice or oatmeal cereal during the day so that the baby isn't starving. She can make it with breastmilk so it's nutritious, and make it very thin so that she's taking in quite a bit of breastmilk with the cereal. It won't totally make up for not taking a bottle, but maybe it can take the edge off so that the baby is not starving when you pick up.

3) Accept that she is going to reverse cycle. And check out the info on reverse cycling on Kellymom.com This is actually pretty common, and there are tips out there to make it more manageable. Here is one link from the website, and there are more if you do a search: http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/reverse-cycling/

I wouldn't give another bottle at home. I don't think it is going to make a difference. I think the problem is not that she won't take a bottle, because she will. The problem is that she associates the bottle with you, and giving another bottle at home won't fix that.

Good luck.

I am a childcare provider and this is what I have done in the past. I had a little guy that just did not want to take that bottle so I would either wait until he was just almost asleep and slip the bottle in his mouth or I would watch him closely while napping and when he started to stir and looked like he might wake up soon I'd quickly pick him up and get that bottle in his mouth. This is not a great long term fix, but it would keep your little one fed during the day.

M

I was going to suggest the same thing as Mom B- try a cup instead of a bottle. My little sister was the same way when she was a baby, just so you know it is not just your kid :) There was only one sitter who could get her to take a bottle, she wouldn't even take one from our dad. When she was about 8 months, she started using a sippy and that worked well.
Another option is mixing breast milk with a little cereal and spoon-feeding her- though that will not get her the volume she needs, it will get at least some into her!

Some babies just don't take to a bottle. How many have you tried? My daughter absolutely REFUSED to take any of he "breast feeder" bottles, but did just fine on the old-school cheap regular ones.

Also, make sure you are using a nipple with a faster flow. Maybe the easier access will make it more appealing to her. This could backfire though, if your daughter decides she prefers the bottle to the breast...

Maybe try playing with the temperature too. My dd would not take expressed milk if we heated it up. She wanted it room temperature. Lol. (Breastmilk is good at room temp for 6-8 hours, so when she finished one bottle, my husband would get another bottle out so it was ready to go by the time she was hungry again. It was a pretty safe bet she would eat within 6 hours. Lol.)

If all else fails, try a sippy cup or a dropper. I introduced a cup to my dd when she started solids around 6 months, so it's not unreasonable for a 9 month old.

Or, even though I am a HUGE advocate for breastmilk being the main source of nutrition for the first year, I would ask the baby sitter to give her more solid food. Maybe have her mix some breastmilk into that. It's better than baby going hungry.

Also... It sounds weird... But breastmilk Popsicles. I used to get those mesh feeders, drop some fruit in it, then put it in a little Popsicle mold I had and fill it up with breastmilk. My daughter LOVED them. Especially when she was teething. :)

It sounds like you're blaming the babysitter for not holding your baby all day and trying to get her to take a bottle. She can't do that. That's not what happens in child care. If you want that method of child care you need to find a little old lady who has no other kids in the home that has nothing to do all day. They can sit and hold kids like that.

I don't want to sound mean but you know this isn't working. At 9 months kiddo could be taking some solids and starting to get interested in a sippy cup.

She shouldn't be this hungry. She sounds stubborn for sure. That's not a bad trait to have as you grow up, it keeps from being followers and they grow into good leaders. But as an infant that's hard.

I'd either put kiddo in a regular child care facility where they'd be only with other babies. She'd see the other kiddo's taking a bottle, eating in the highchairs or at a table, she'd see what the others were doing and learn. She'd also have only baby things to play with and other baby's to interact with.

If you are totally breast feeding her at home, all evening and all weekend, then she's winning. Not that you want to wean of course but have you offered her a bottle? Have you offered her a tippy cup? Are you totally leaving the babysitter to do this and basically hanging her out to dry? She is doing something totally different than you so she's never going to succeed.

You're not being fair to the babysitter. This is NOT her fault. It's your fault. That baby KNOWS you will feed her when you come home. She is a strong little personality and she is doing this because she CAN.

My niece did the same thing. My SIL thought she was going to have to quit her job. It was awful because that baby was SO stubborn and losing weight. The ONLY thing that worked was my FIL putting cereal in the bottle and the baby deciding it was worth drinking because it was different.

What my SIL decided to do was stop nursing. She needed that job and that baby was just NOT going to take both bottle and breast.

You might have the babysitter try the cereal trick. You need a different nipple for that, one with a bigger hole. You also might try giving her a bottle yourself instead of nursing. You must have a lot of pumped milk in the freezer by now.

That really isn't that uncommon.... my breastfed babies never would take a bottle! Fortunately, I didn't work full-time outside the home, so that wasn't as big an issue for me.

Since she is 9 months old, why not transition her to a sippy cup for breastmilk or formula? That way she is getting the appropriate nutrition, anyway. She will continue to nurse from you in the evenings and weekends.

I would just skip the bottle all together. At 9 months old, she can drink from a cup. It can be a sippy cup or a regular, open cup. Personally, I would try a sippy cup, as pumped breast milk is liquid gold, and I would be so upset if I wasted it. But you could also try an open cup with just a small amount in it at a time.

Also, she can have solid foods. I know that many will tell you that she should be getting her calories from breast milk or formula and solid foods are just to practice with. There is truth to that, but solid foods do provide nutrition and would definitely help so that she isn't as hungry when you pick her up.

For future reference (if you have another baby), both my boys took a bottle very early (my oldest when he was just an hour old and my youngest when he was a few days old) and neither had nipple confusion. In fact, Daddy would give them a bottle when he got home from work. It was there special time together. I understand wanting a good supply (been there), so one bottle a day would be a really good way to get baby used to a bottle without hurting your supply.

ETA - Straw cups! I forgot about those until I read Christine's post. Some kids like those better than sippy cups, and they are just as "spill proof."

Does your baby ever get bottles at home? Does dad feed her with a bottle of breast milk at least once daily? Please start establishing that. It's not only good for helping her get used to a bottle but it is a great way for dad to bond with baby. If the only time the baby gets a bottle is at the sitter's, and the sitter is stressed and rushed trying to feed her, the baby is going to associate the bottle with stress (stressed adult creates a stressed infant!) and will refuse the bottle. Give her very positive associations with the bottle and have both you and dad bottle-feeding her every day at home.

I have to second the person who posted that you can try different bottle styles, different nipple styles, and be sure the flow is fast enough. That can make a big difference, as can nipple shape.

Yes, she can possibly move to a sippy cup or cup with straw but not all kids as young as nine months are ready for that, and it's another transition that could also be stressful -- many kids tend to just throw down the cup when they first start being given it and I wonder how your sitter will handle that if the sitter is already not keen on giving a lot of individual attention? I would focus first on giving the baby positive experiences with the bottle by using breastmilk in the bottle at home, and also trying a different bottle and nipple.

Unfortunately, reverse cycling may be her way to handle feedings during the day. I would try a sippy cup and if she still doesn't want that, then try keeping the sitter with some frozen stash for an emergency and use the reset of your pumping stash at night so you and your DH can tag team. If she won't take a bottle from him, either, then unfortunately you have a few more months of cluster feeding to contend with, I think. I would also encourage her to eat more solids during the day, and use some of your milk in her cereal so that she gets it, just not in a bottle.

Secondarily, if the sitter is not working well for the baby can you 1. consider someone else for the baby or 2. consider alternate care? I get that the sitter has a lot of kids to care for, but has she realistically exceeded her abilities, especially given the ages she cares for? What is the caregiver to child ratio in your state and especially, what is the infant to caregiver ratio? My understanding is that the ratios for care are from the youngest child, so if your child is the youngest, then that is what it is based on.

Sometimes babies just don't take a bottle. Try kellymom.com for alternate feeding tips. If the sitter won't try those, then I would look for a new sitter. Hang in there.

Some kids don't like bottles or don't like that kind of bottle. 6 months ago she was 12 weeks old, which my LC said was an age where they often got picky about what they took to suck on, but before that they would take almost anything. So I wouldn't even blame that. My DD got few bottles before I returned to work and I was fortunate I found a brand she liked. There are brands of sippy cup with soft spouts. Maybe one like that will appeal to her.

I have seen many BF babies do that including my granddaughter. Cluster feeding is fine for her maybe not you, but nothing you can really do. Try dippy cup. As long as she is growing she will be fine. My GD stopped the cluster feeds at 14 months when she finally took a sippy cup.

A nine month old should be able to use a sippy cup with breast milk in it, and start eating food. Also the babysitter seems overwhelmed and needs to hire a grandma to feed and hold the baby.

in February I started a 2 month old that refused the bottle, that first 10 days was horrid, I tried so many different things
One thing I tried was using a dropper, syringe, like you give liquid medicine to infants in. That was ok if she wasn't screaming but if she was screaming then it can go into her lungs and liquid in lungs is not good.
I tried different temperatures, this baby liked hers warm and if the temp dropped at all she refused the rest so I did smaller amounts warming often.
We tried every single size, shape and type of bottle nipple we could. The one that ended up working doesn't matter, because she is not your daughter and your daughter will end up liking a different one.
You can teach your daughter to hold her own bottle, that may help. The provider can try propping the bottle with a blanket while the baby is in a bouncy seat and the provider is out of sight behind the baby. The provider can try having the baby distracted while watching some TV while she tries to give the bottle. If your daughter naps at a regular interval for regular amounts the provider can try feeding your daughter as the baby is basically sleeping, waking her up with a bottle in her mouth the baby may not even realize she is drinking from the bottle.

I hate to tell you this but what you most probably have to do is NOT feed at night at all. I know it will suck, oops, pun not meant, but if you feed at night then your daughter won't want to have it during the day, if your daughter is hungry at night she will want to, have to, eat during the day. So, put on some headphones, sleep on the couch in the farthest corner away from the baby and do not feed at night anymore.

Your provider should not be holding her at all really, or hardly ever, tell her to stop doing that and to let the baby down and play with toys. Is the baby getting two solid two hour long naps during the day? She may be so overtired at daycare that she can't think about eating.

Have as many other people give the baby a bottle as you can, so it doesn't matter who is feeding her.
Good luck! Honestly I think your provider just needs to suck it up, put a cup in front of the baby and walk away, your baby knows how to drink from that and will if she wants to, but you can't force her.

By the way my daughter was breastfed while in daycare and the MOST she EVER took from a bottle at daycare was 12 oz in one day. I think it was too loud and busy there for her partly because like you she would be fine at home. So I know what you are going through. All night feedings are so hard on mommy!!