9 Mo Old Only Sleeps on Boob

I had a similar problem with my first baby. She seemed to be terrified of her crib and would cry and shake whenever we put her in it. When she was 9 months old, I was 7 months pregnant with my second baby and I decided it was time to get her to sleep in her crib. I dedicated about two weeks to sleep training, and I put comforting items in her crib like really soft blankets that she liked to snuggle and her binkie. I would sit with her at nap time and bed time while she was awake in her crib and pat her to sleep. I also used classical music to help put her to sleep, and once the patting started to work, I stopped patting her to sleep and instead moved to a chair in her room where she knew I was there but couldn't see me. I would read my book while waiting for her to fall asleep. She would occasionally look over to see if I was still there. Once I thought she was about asleep I would crawl out of her room, so she did not see me leave. After about two weeks, she began to see her crib as her safe and comfy place, and would lay down with her binkie, blanket and music and fall asleep on her own without me in the room! She is now 21 months old, and she points at the stairs when she gets tired and says "night-night" and goes right into her crib, lays down, and listens to her music and falls asleep. It took some patience and time, but it was well worth it for the ease of naptime and bedtime now! I hope this helps! I should mention that before I became a SAHM I taught daycare for babies and toddlers, so I had some experience with restless sleepers, and have seen things like this work for other babies too!

I have a friend who sleep trained both of her babies (second and third kids) while the big kids were away at Grandma's for several days. If this is an option I recommend sending the tot for a 3 day sleep over and then start boot camp with the baby. Your baby is at a huge developmental milestone period anyway so has much less interest in sleep because she's so excited by all the things her body can do now and wants to spend her time doing that instead of sleeping. And yes, who can resist a 24 hour Dairy Queen that doesn't even require getting out of bed?!?

Can you put a pack-n-play in your room and start there? Then at least she'll have some distance from the boob. Perhaps your tot won't wake up if the screaming is from your room and not her own. What it's going to come down to is a power struggle and eventually (and I predict it will not be easy with this one) you need to win if you want your nights back. You're not damaging her by training her, but you are selling her short if you don't teach her how to sleep. Stay the course - this is for the good of the household.

Good luck!
E.

Well, it looks like I've got lots of company. My nine-month old does almost exactly the same thing. While I am not at all against co-sleeping, I would really like the option of putting him down for a nap, or for the night, in his crib (which I was able to up until he was 8 months old!). I am currently reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, but it is taking me forever because I have little free time and am usually too tired to read when I do! Anyway, this book is supposed to be, and so far seems to be, full of good advice, but like the other moms who've replied to you have said, each child is different and I think that some children are just extra-resistant to sleeping alone. I would recommend this book, and in the meantime, hang in there, and take comfort in knowing that you have plenty of company!

I have 2 daughters, they share a room, are the same ages apart as yours, and I breastfed both (first daughter until 15 months old & second daughter until 18 months old). And I was in your EXACT shoes (your story could be mine), just 10 months ago....so you are not alone. Same thing as you...my first daughter was a breeze when it came to bedtime/naptime...second daughter, not so much....had to get a "challenging one" :) When DD#2 was 9 months old I was at the end of my rope...with sleep deprivation, frustration, trying to care for 2 kids, house, etc. I HAD to do something, I was miserable. I went to the library and checked out 7 books by different authors on "Sleep Training." Came home and thumbed through each of them to find the "perfect" fit for me (what I agreed with etc.)...the solution that worked for me was the book "The Sleep Easy Solution" by Jennifer Waldburger & Jill Spivack. This book was a "life saver" for me. I like you, was still nursing her throughout the night...not because she needed it, but because it's what would calm her & get her to sleep (and in turn get me sleep too). So, I needed to not only sleep train her, but also wean her from nighttime feedings. This book does both of those things. I followed this book to the "T" and within 6 nights my daugher was totally weaned from night feedings...within 10 nights she was sleeping through the night, and within 14 days going down for naps with no problems. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book to any and all mothers out there going through this very difficult situation. Since your daughters share a room too, it can be a bit of a challenge with the two of them.....here's what I did during the "sleep training." I put my youngest in her crib in THEIR room...I felt it would be easiest to "train" her where I want her to sleep. Then I got a "little bed" (a twin blow up air mattress) and put it in our bedroom (in the corner...not by our bed) for my oldest to sleep on for bedtime/naptime (only during the training process). I know you are probably thinking...yeah, right...I will never get her to go back to her own room when the training is done?!? For me it was SO simple. I just explained to my oldest (2 1/2 at the time) that we are "teaching" Sissy to sleep in her own crib and room and that for right now she has a special bed for a little while. BUT as soon as Sissy learns how to sleep, that she will go back to her "big girl bed" and share a room with Sissy. Worked wonders for her...she slept fine in our room (of course) :) but when it was time to move her back to her bedroom...just 14 days after starting the "training" she went back in there with no problems, she loves sharing a room with her sister.
They are now 3 & 19 months....and both sleep wonderfully throughout the night in their bedroom together. So there IS a light at the end of the tunnel...but believe me, I can totally relate to you and how you are feeling (like a prisoner...I was there). Give this book a try though...I do not think you will be disappointed & I believe that you too will have your bed/sleep back within 14 nights.
Hope this helps & if not, hope you find something that does.
Good Luck!

Hi there!
I don't have any advice for you, I just wanted to say that you're not alone! My daughter is 9 months and acts the same way yours does. And I completely understand just giving in because you're so tired. Good luck, and I hope you get some real sleep soon!
:-)

This is typical separation anxiety, which is a cognitive development phase, not strong will or a behavior problem. It will go away probably by 18 months. Problem is that the baby has now registered that their beloved mamma, or transitional object (blankie/boobie, whatever) is a separate being and unfortunately one that isn't retrievable as a constant memory in a baby's mind. So if you/it go away and are out of sight it it really is as if you were dead forever. The good news is that she's attached which is an important achievement.

This is why peek-a-boo is so entertaining. The little buggers are always shocked when you re-appear. Seems like it varies how emotional babies get over it and when they come into or out of it.

Over time, memory develops and they believe you still exist and will return. Using peek a boo helps. Leaving and returning for a short period of time helps reinforce that you come back reliably. My son hit it later and truly freaked out. My daughter was less attached as a baby :( and wasn't very upset when I left until she was verbal - Although I did leave once for a week when she was 2 1/2 and she didn't look at me for days when I returned. then I was the one who was heartbroken. That taught me that even if the books tell you what kids can take when, your own instinct is better info.

That is totally my life also!!!! I thought i was the only one. I have no advice, because I am living the same thing, so help!!!!!
S.

Do you have a co-sleeper? The arm's reach one has saved my life. I transitioned my DS from there at 4 months...he slept well until the teething began and now he wants the boobie too. As you can tell...I've been up all night too!

Dr. Sears believes co-sleeping is ok. I've read all the sleep lit, and I must say, it's WAY different for mommies who still nurse.

We live in a world where BFing is not as common b/c of all the formula marketing in hospitals and moms without maternity leave.

Do what you have to get sleep...
1.)Follow your instincts...I stuffed my DS with solids only to bring on constipation...my ma was telling me to start...he doesn't even have teeth yet, but is interested in food. Have you slowly introduced solids? Bananas, applesauce and rice cereal stopped my babe up for 10 days...YIKES>>>

2.) Nursing isn't only for nourishment, but comfort too. Your babe may be telling you something. All kids have different temperments.

Slinging in the day makes night easier for me. Run some experiments for yourself...see what works...read all the books, then make up your OWN mind.

What works for me, and the other responders may not work for you!

Also, sleep "trainers" are also bottlefeeders...if you are still BFing...your situation is MUCH different.

Check out momsrising.org...if you can't sleep.

In my humble opinion I think you should stop being hard on yourself b/c your 9mo won't sleep in the crib. Put your mattress on the floor (worry of falling), and let both of you get some sleep by letting her sleep beside you. Keep her "boobie" easily accessible so she can find it w/o you needing to wake up. It sound like she needs you right now, and by ripping her security away you could make things worse. She will let go when she is ready, and be more secure b/c of you being there when she needed you. S

I feel for you. It's so awsome to hear that my daughter isn't the only boob addict out there-lol! I always tell people that she would be thrilled if I had her lips surgically attached to my breast!

I was experiencing the same exact thing with her but I started to deal with it a bit sooner. I remember feeling like a prisoner, too. My baby was reattatching every hour or two!!! I feel bad for you because you now have the added frustration of dealing with a baby who is in the throws of that typical attatched-to-mommy phase that begins around 9mo.

I would recommend two things. 1)Get the book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hog and 2)once you come up with a game plan, you can have your daughter sleep in your bed for the first few nights until you get your baby calm (it may take an hour or 2 at first) or it may not be an issue because you'll be in there with them while the baby is screaming. After a while you'll be able to leave when she is just calmly fussing herself to sleep and that shouldn't bother your daughter much.

I can't express enough how patting my daughter on the back or bottom while sssshhh-ing her helped to calm her. The trick is to stop the soothing as soon as she is quiet and then start again only if she begins to cry/fuss again. This teaches her that she needs to sleep on her own but that you are there for her. That way she won't become afraid of her crib.

By the way, I feel the need to touch on another point. You may already know this, this being your second, but I'll point it out just in case. I needed it pointed out to me! Obviously your baby is dependant on suckling to fall asleep. Hard enough for you and baby. But, because your baby is waking up every few hours and latching on for comfort, she isn't learning the skill of being able to fall BACK asleep once she wakes up in the middle of the night. This has huge implications. I found out that when she would wake up, she thought she was up. She didn't understand that because she was still tired and it wasn't time to waken that she could just go back to sleep. My breast wasn't there to reassure her and so now she was stuck awake w/o her normal soothing method. I had to teach her that skill. Unfortunately, I didn't have the book I recommended at the time and used the cry-it-out method with her to establish these good habits. I then realized she was afraid of her crib and didn't want to be put down. That was when I turned to Tracy Hog.

I, too, have a stong-willed and quite spirited little girl and I have learned that because of her particular temprament, if I allow her to fall asleep at the boob AND STAY THERE twice in a row we have to go back through the process again with it taking longer to comfort her to sleep when I put her back in the crib. So just know that that is a reality with children like ours--give them an inch...!

WARNING: I would not use music or binkies or anything with babies like ours. When they awaken in the night or during a nap, they need to recreate the same atmosphere they fell asleep with. If that included music or a now out of reach binkie, that ain't gonna happen! They must learn to fall asleep w/o any props.

I, too, loved the romantic idea of attatchment parenting but after a while I realized that not ALL aspects of it were going to be compatable or realistic. If it's not working, change it. Don't feel bad. I hope this ends up helping. God bless you!!! I'd love to know how it went...

My 13 month old son is a high need baby too. I've resolved myself to nurturing him at night with the boob. As he gets older, he needs it less and less. It's just his personality and I'm fine with that even though it can be inconvenient. As he becomes more and more secure, he is becoming more and more independent all because I am meeting his need for reassurance now. If I have a 2nd baby, I'm hoping he/she will be like your first...sleeping through the night at 6 months. But who knows? Every baby is soooo different!!

You might want to try "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I can't find mine but I remember it addressed your situation.

Hello,

I went through this with my second one, he would only sleep when I nursed him. And he would scream and cry when I put him in his crib. I happend to be watching "Supernanny" one night, I followed her steps. It was so upsetting to hear him cry and scream for me. It took a few days to complete the entire process, but each time the crying got less and less. And then before I knew it I put him to bed on the 3rd or 4th night and it was like he never had a problem going to bed! Wow what a relief it was, I looked up on www.youtube.com and if you type in "supernanny bedtime" it will bring up a bunch of her clips from the show, so you can see exactly what to do....good luck. And remember you are doing this for you and your child, the guilt will only stay as long as you let it. Who's the boss in your house, mommy or child? I'm the boss so I had to be firm.

Hi. Sounds like you can use a good night sleep. I have 3 boys and never had this problem with breast feeding as I never breast feed, so I don't know if she's getting enough. ect. But as far as her crying not sleeping you really need to stick to a bed time that she understands. Right now it sounds like you lay her down, she crys and you are taking her to your bed to have her sleep with you. You basicly telling her that if she crys mommy will be there to take you in the room and feed you. This might even be a good time to start transfering her to a bottle more verse the breast. But maybe someone who has breast feed can give you advice in this area.

All I know is that what you describe must be exausting. You have to be firm, and I know as to how hard this must and will be for you . You said that she shares a room with a 2-1/2 yr old who sleeps. How about inviting the 2-1/2 yr old to camp out in your room. Maybe not in your bed as you don't want her to start sharing your bed, but maybe on the floor in your room. Just for a few nights until you can get the 9mo back into a bed time.

I always tried new things with my boys on Fridays and over weekends as it help since my husband really did not need his sleep. As my husband starts work at 2:30 am M-F and so needs his sleep durning the week. But if I needed to transfer my sons from crib to big bed I did this on friday nights as this way no one feels stress and it always worked out good for all of us.

As for a seperation you might even think about looking into a little daycare or babysitter right now for her. Just something for a few hours while you run to the store or maybe out to dinner with your husband. Otherwise you might have bigger problems down the road when it's time to send her to school.

I hope I helped and good luck in finding your sleep.

Take care,
L.

ONe thing sthat many books say to help with the BFing attachment is to have Dad or someone else tend to them at night. Then they know they can't Breastfeed from them. Of course you have to get baby into her own bed first. Try a pack and play or let your 2 1/2 year old have a slumber party with you in another room in your house while your hubby attends to baby. that might help to keep everyone sane during the training phase.

Good luck...I know it's not easy.

Well, I think you could be making the separation anxiety worse by not breaking this habit NOW. If you do not, it will continue and get worse. It will be tough at first, but should not last too long. Children really need to learn that they are separate from their mothers and she does not seem to have had that opportunity. I would break the bed habit, too. My sister in law couldn't get her son out of their bed until he was almost 5. YOU need the time away from her as much as she needs it, too. Plus, you have others in your family that need you, too.

D.

I let my son sleep on me. You sound like you feel like a prisoner, but I just do it. My husband is getting frustrated, and I tell him that we decided to have another baby, so we have to deal with it. I know its hard. My 9 almost 10 year old still wants to sleep with me. I have to make him stay in his room, he'll even sleep on the floor if I let him, which sometimes I do. But try to put her down after she falls asleep, when she wakes up to nurse, nurse her and put her back down. And keep up this cycle. Maybe you can have someone keep your 2 year old for a couple of nights so that you can get the baby started on sleeping by herself. Don't let her scream for hours, that's just cruel, but put her down and then rub her back. See what happens. My daughter just turned 16 and she doesn't want me anywhere near her room and we co-slept until she was 4. It will pass. Just hug the baby as much as you can. It may seem like a burden, but just start thinking of it as a privilege instead. Maybe that will help.

You have to get the baby out of your room. She knows if she cries that you will be there for her. Move the older one into the frontroom on the sofa or somewhere temporarily and explain to her it's just till baby stops the crying. People have written to Mamasource that still have 5 year olds sleeping with them. It's not too late for you. You'll suffer and maybe cry because it hurts us as moms to hear them cry but you know she's o.k. and she will be fine in a few nights if you don't continue to break down and pick her up. I feel for you.