9-Year Old and Boyfriends

At age 9, the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship consists largely of ignoring each other publicly to the point where everybody KNOWS they like each other.

I really wouldn't sweat it much.
Wait til she's 13, then you can sweat!

:)

My 9 year wouldnt have a boyfriend. Yes, I would ban it. I wouldnt go into detail about sex at that age. She also wouldnt be allowed to be having private phone conversations. Your her parents, what you say goes. I would get a handle on it now because in a couple years it could be out of control. She sounds like she has a lot of freedom at her age.

Are they ever alone together? You said your gut says they are not doing anything but these days you just don't know. I know my 12 year old is not doing anything with boys because she is still always supervised. I think 9 is way to young to date (it even sounds ridiculous) but if they are just BF / GF at school or text each other then I would not worry about it.

She is a 'Tween" now.
Tweens are from ages 9-12.

Do a Google Search on 'Tween Development" and many good articles will come up.

Just keep in mind, the human brain is not even fully developed until 26 years old.
But their genitals... are percolating.

Wow, you guys are way over reacting.

Boyfriend and girlfriends in elementary school has nothing to do with kissing, dating, probably not even hand holding.

It just usually means they have a little crush on the person or like the other person a lot. They will probably not be BF GF for very long. Usually not more than a week.

PLEASE do not make this a big deal, because it is not a big deal.
If you are concerned, speak with her homeroom teacher about it.

My 10 year old daughter has a crush on a boy at school. She told me that a lot of girls have boyfriends. I asked around and the "boyfriend" title is used lightly. She told me SHE wanted to ask this boy out and I told her no. I told her I felt she was too young. Then I asked her what she would do with a boyfriend. She said she did not know. I told her if it was really important to her, we could call his parents and invite him to a movie with all of us. She liked that idea. However, she never asked him and the whole talk of the BF has gone away.

I think it is natural for kids to do this. I would stick to your guns and tell her she is too young for a boyfriend.

Good luck!

I agree with Laurie A. on this , at that age its really not a big deal. ( unless you make it a big deal )
Our son is 8 and he has a little crush on a 9 yr old girl who lives just down the street. She seems to like him as well and yes we allow them to play together and hang out. They get along great. We don't discourage it just because they have a crush on one another. They're just kids. In elementary school for goodness sakes.
Its too soon for anything else.

My daughter is 11 and in middle school. We have spent a lot of time over the years talking about appropriate behavior in all aspects. She thinks that having a boyfriend at her age is rediculous (and so do we). We have closely guarded what she watches on TV and in movies. She hasn't seen the typical teen-age type movies that show a lot of BF/GF drama, kissing, flirting and attitude because that's not the type of behavior we'd like her to display. Kids are exposed to so much sex at such an early age these days. What ever happened to childhood?

We've had lots of conversations about what kind of husband she'd like to have some day. We dress modestly and expect her to have enough self-esteem from knowing she is special in our eyes and God's that she (hopefully) won't go looking for attention from boys. She has older cousins who are great examples of how a young lady should behave and how a young man should be respectful in all aspects of dating.

She is planning to start dating when she is much older than the "norm". She isn't interested in all the drama. She understands that dating isn't for fun so much as it should be engaged in when a young woman is ready to start thinking about marriage. Just my 2 cents.

I wouldn't freak out just yet. I think it's pretty normal elementary age, very normal crush stuff, for some kids more than others. I have a hunch the boy may not even know he is her "boyfriend" or if he does, all the communicating between them is done by way of their friends because they are too shy to speak to each other or hang out together at school. I would maybe discreetly make mention to the teacher about what you have heard your daughter say so they can keep an eye out at recess for anything beyond appropriate elementary kid play. Again, I would ask her what does that mean that he is your boyfriend? How did it come about that he became your boyfriend? What do you expect happens now between you two? You hold hands? You kiss him? And I would tell her these kinds of affectionate displays are very inappropriate at school and indeed inappropriate at all for her at her age. It is OK to like him. It is OK to be friends. It is even OK to call him your boyfriend. But at this age, it can really *mean* nothing more than a special friend. 9 year olds can have crushes on boys, but 9 year olds do not "go out" as that implies the couple go to dinner, a movie, or other kind of event, and kids ages 9-12 are not even allowed to "go out" with friends without adult supervision. She has all that to look forward to when she is older. I'd also watch and make sure she is supervised when out of your care, playdates, etc. But I wouldn't make too big a deal of it.

I feel you pain!!! My daughter is in 3rd grade and will be turning 9 in a couple of weeks. We had "the talk" a few months ago because she's starting to go through puberty already! She sometimes talks about kids in her class being boyfriend/girlfriend and said it means that you chase each other around the playground. I am not worried because I know the kids are very well supervised at school and my daughter never spends any time alone with any boys.

I would just try to keep the lines of communication open and reiterate that she is way too young to think about having a boyfriend. I would also make sure that she is not seeing any boys during play dates. You have to know the parents of the kids she's hanging out with and have open discussions with them about what they let their kids to at their house (do they let them go to the park alone? do they let other kids from the neighborhood come over and hang out? do they let the kids on the computer w/out supervision?) Be very on top of things. We want to be able to trust our kids, but they're not always capable of making reasonable, logical decisions. I think we must always be vigilant.

Lots of kids that age say they have "boyfriends" or "girlfriends" without truly understanding the concept since it's usually just puppy love. Generally, it doesn't lead to much beyond kissing, if that. I've had a kid her age tell me all about his "girlfriend".

I had my first boyfriend right before I turned twelve and it lasted over two years. We'd been best friends since we were newborns, so it was natural for us to take that step and I'd been anticipating it for years. However, with the exception of our first kiss shortly before turning thirteen (which I'd planned beforehand), we never went beyond hugging.

You guys have it all wrong. Some people were on the right track though. At that age, dating is pretty much all about the title of having a boyfriend or girlfriend. At the most, they will possibly hug. Other than that they might sit together at lunch or on the swings at recess. This has nothing to do with sex or kissing. The children want to feel somewhat like an adult and have a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you tell your child they are not allowed to date, it will only make the option more tempting. So don't sweat it. Feel free to talk to your child about this, but keep the conversation light. Don't mention sex or kissing because chances are, they will flee. So don't worry.

I told my girls (8 and 11) that a boy can be a friend, but a BOYFRIEND means you kiss, hug, hold hands and go out on dates to someplace. So if either of them says they or a friend has a boyfriend then I say "do they kiss? do they hold hands? did they go on a date someplace? NO? Then not a boyfriend, just a boy who is a friend"

All u have to tell her is that u may not have a boyfriend because it will lead to sex. When i was 12 my boyfriend almost pulled me into having sex with him. Trust me just tell her no. You should tell her teacher because he or she could be looking out for her. Remember, just let her down will a simple no. No ands, buts, or ors. Hope you find this help full

Wow! Is'nt this kind of amazing-scary as to how fast these kid's are growing up! I have a daughter thats in the 6th grade, I am very thankful that we can communicate and talk about anything, which is very important. And thats wonderful that you can talk to your daughter about things like this or anything, VERY important to communicate with eachother. I think that what your doing and how your handling it is good. She's still soo young, and I would keep telling her that yes, she has a friend and that its a boy, and you told her what it means to have a "boyfriend", you put it perfectly! I never went through that with my daughter yet, but my daughter is just trying to keep up with school, band, sports, etc.
I am sure that it's all still innocent and she really does'nt know the meaning which is fine. I also have a son who is 8 and he literally has NO intrest in girl's! lol..god only knows about how he is going to be next year! I would just preech to her that it's important to be a "kid" and that she should enjoy hanging out with her friends and palying outside. It's just really sad how this generation of children are in such a hurry to grow up. I just recently heard that at my daughters middle school, a little girl in the 6th grade is PREGNANT! So sad, but then again I don't know what is preeched at her home. I give you major prop's for being able to sit down and communicate with your daughter, we sometimes as parents may feel or think that our children are'nt listening but believe me, they truely are! Thank you for posting your question, I have just gained more info on how I can handle a situation like this..

9 year olds here sneak behind the building to kiss and be boyfriend/girlfriend.
They even have a new rule because of it.