So my daughter has hit the age where sleep overs are the best thing in the world :) She had one a few weeks ago with a good friend and the mom told me that her behavior was terrible. Both girls were acting up to the degree that it was embarassing for the mom in public. We've known this family for some time and I'm glad that the mom was honest with me. She was not blaming my daughter at all, just wanted to let me know. She spoke to both girls about their behavior.
It seems that she gets so excited to spend time with friends outside of school that she loses control (and any semblance of manners). How do I handle that? We've had talks with her about her age, embarassing herself, being embarassing for our family or the person watching her, that she won't continue to be invited if she acts that way but nothing seems to sink in. She is usually well mannered and respectful until she gets around other girls her age and just acts out of control. Is this a normal stage? She has been testing us a little at home by talking back (occasionally) and not listening the first time we say something. I expected this as she gets close to the "tween" years but the behavior when she's at someone else's house is just not acceptable. I'm looking for any suggestions from mom's who've been thru this. Thanks!!
I agree with J.T.'s line of thinking. It shouldn't necessarily all fall under the "you won't get invited back" realm. A good deal of it should fall under the "I won't let you go to start with" if I get bad reports regarding your behavior. And tell the other mom IN YOUR DAUGHTER's presence, that you would like her to call you if your daughter misbehaves, SO THAT you can come get her and take her home.
warn the mothers that this has been the behavior in the past and if she is acting out to give you a call to talk with your daughter. if the behavior continues or is too hard for the mom go pick up your daughter and tell her the sleep over is cancelled because she was being so naughty and out of controll the mother could no longer welcome you for the fun day. she ruined the fun times with her bad behavior.
8 is like a mini adolescence. It's a wacky age.
I would tell the parents that if they have trouble with DD, they can call you and you will pick her up. And make sure that DD knows you mean business and you WILL come get her or you will not allow her to do sleepovers until she can behave with others. Before she goes, remind her how she is to act and how bad behavior will not be tolerated and what will happen.
When my SD was 8 or 9, we had one really bad day where she was misbehaving and it was so bad (in our home!) that we called the other girl's dad and had her go home. SD never let it get that bad again.
My SD, and to some extend DD now, too, is the type of kid that is just larger than life. Other kids walk. SD dances. Other kids wear jeans and tshirts to school. SD wears tutus and knee high socks and colorful shoes. Etc. It was a long struggle to get her to realize time and place and how to rein in some of her natural tendencies. It was not just one thing, but working with her over time. No talking in class. No running in the hall. Chorus and theatre did her good - an appropriate outlet for this. Heck, even taking your DD to the park to run off steam before seeing a friend might be a good idea.
You might also invite the friend to YOUR home to see how they interact and work on DD's behavior around friends.
The next time she's invited for a sleepover, the answer is no. And tell her it's because she didn't behave at the last sleepover. And she cannot have a sleepover for a month.
No matter how excited she gets, she needs to control her behavior. If she can't do that, she's not ready for that type of situation.
I make it quite clear that when my kid is at someone else's house, I have no problem with those parents enforcing their rules!
Sounds like she couldn't control her own kid either.
She should have taken them both home immediately!
How is she overall, generally?
Is she a bit, immature? Emotionally?
You said she is 8, and she gets SO excited to spend time with friends outside of school that she loses control.... and is out of control around other girls.
Does she have her own play dates? Or activities & socializing aside from school?
She doesn't seem socially... mature?
I think the beginning of the school year makes them all act a little crazy. It will settle down soon.
