7 Year Old Son Purposely Peeing on the Floor.

i get how frustrating this is, and how tempting it is to up the punishment. teach him a lesson. get it through his thick head. parent with parameters. stick to your guns.

i really do.

butwhat i'm reading here is that this is a very troubled young fellow. i'm sorry his mom isn't momming up, but it happens all the time. the parent who is parenting has to parent even harder.

and that means look away from punishing and find ways to help him. more attention is great, and no, i don't think you need to purposefully start leaving his sister out of things.

but what i'm not seeing in here is any sort of counseling. i'm sure you're coping very well with the pressures of single parenting, and of balancing time with his mom (or her parents, as it sounds), but he's only 7 and he needs more.

get him to a good child therapist, and get advice for ways to empathize with and support him. you can still have rules and consequences, but clearly you need more.

good luck!

khairete
S.

Sounds like your son has a lot of confused, pent-up emotions regarding what is going on with his mother, grandparents and you.

The difference is he feels safe enough to vent these emotions with you (peeing).

Margie is right. Getting upset when he does this reinforces the power he has of doing that (sense of control).

You need to detach from the incidents and help him find other, healthier ways for him to manage these feelings. Especially since it doesn’t sound like this situation with his mother will resolve soon.

So when he does it, don’t react, keep neutral face and tone. Give him supplies to clean up. See if he wants help from you, but do not talk about it. Then once it is done show him other ways to cope.....go for a walk with him, exercise together, throw a baseball, play checkers, color....

You can even talk, using phrases like...’you sure seem upset by something, I wonder what we can do to make you feel better’ in a nice supportive tone.
Or
Supportive, with humor ‘what did the cabinets (floor, wall)do to deserve that. Let me help you clean up’.

Honestly it sounds like there is a lot of confusing dynamics going on with your son right now. It sounds like he could benefit from a positive adult who is neutral to the dynamics to your family but can help guide him as he deals with these feelings. Maybe a therapist, coach, teacher, but someone outside of the family who can be neutral. Sometimes it’s hard for a parent to play counselor and parent roles, especially with other children involved.

Hope things get better for your son.

He's upset so getting upset at him is not the right reaction. If he was upset and reacting in another way, just telling you he was upset, (if he had the words) you wouldn't be getting mad. You'd be comforting him, being his safety net, and helping him problem solve so he could handle it - while taking steps yourself to make him feel secure.

So that's what you have to do. Sure it's causing problems/mess for you, but look at underlying issue. Solve/address that.

It obviously involves in some part the going back and forth between parents. Maybe he needs to see a therapist/you too to see what can be done to make situation better. That would be my suggestion. I have no idea what he needs/what would be helpful.

Just listen though - and stop getting angry. Just clean it up for now, don't punish, and just make light of it. Start there. I think it will get better - no attention for it.

Please read this....taking your child to see a therapist will be money spent wisely and the best investment you will ever make, not buying him expensive toys. Toys will not make him happy nor mentally in a better place. Professional guidance will. Save him from a grim future and/or even a short life if he doesn't get professional help soon. By no means accept to give him to his grandparents since they seem to be enablers and a toxic environment for a child.

Negative attention is better then no attention.
Your son is peeing everywhere to get the attention he desperately wants and needs from his mother. He is in emotional distress and this is his outlet. Take him to therapy. Go on a trip alone with him. Take a time out and really talk with him. I had a dog who was passive aggressive and would pee on my pillow when I would leave him home.

I can see you are being a great parent and are trying very hard. Good job with all you have done and for not giving up no him. My advice is to find a really great therapist who specializes in anger and acting out. Plan to have him see her/him long term and you meet occasionally one on one too. I do one on one things with both my kids. I don't make a big deal out of it but sometimes I plan for my son and I to go do something he likes together. Another time I take my daughter to do something she loves. I don't announce, I'm going to have one on one time with so and so...so you cannot come. I also will sit with my son and do something with him that he loves. It used to be him teaching me to play a video game. We still play occasionally today. Today we spent an hour together doing an art project on Photoshop...him taking the lead but he also teaches me things. We enjoy this, I praise his skills, he teaches me how to do something he likes, and I learn about his interests. I HIGHLY recommend this. You may have zero interest in Minecraft or whatever (I sure didn't), but you fake interest and sit there with your son having him show you how and you play together, laugh, make jokes, tell him wow, you know all this stuff! Crazy! It's just an idea. It really helped my relationship with my son. DEFINITELY start him in therapy. (We found an excellent psychiatrist who specialized in tweens, teens, anger, ODD, ADHD, ADD, and behavioral issues. I've heard other people on here recommend a psychologist. Don't be afraid to shop around and switch therapists if your son is not clicking with them). GOOD LUCK.

Get him to a therapist. And maybe a urologist. Put him in a diaper, make him clean it up take things away he likes. DO NOT GIVE IN. This is a battle of will power

He needs to be seen by the pediatrician/urologist to see if this is medical. If it's not, he needs a therapist with a specialty in family.

He needs one on one time. He needs to clean up his accidents.

Do something with him alone 2x a month (At least). You are done working by 3:30. Tell him that starting in May you two are going to be having time together 2x a month and use April for planning to see what he wants to do. He is at the age that he can help plan an outing (Not shooting) the beg and the middle of each month. Get a big paper calendar and give him that visual. Lots of things are free---Walks , riding bikes, the park, the library, etc,,,,,

Therapy is intervention and parenting is guiding and it is needed to help this situation. What if things get worse? If they do it will not be pretty! I know theraphy is not always acceptable for some....Theraphy before a vacation. He is 7 and should not be peeing on the floor. If he was 2, that would be different!

First, has he been seen by the doctor to rule out a physical reason?

Then, I suggest the consequence needs to be related to the offense. Cleaning it up is a consequence in it's self. No need for an additional consequence. Lectures/talking to him will not help. He already knows what you expect. I suggest trying an compassionate approach suggesting he feels bad about this. That he knows not to pee on the floor. Ask him to help you figure out how to stop it. Most important is to remain calm and respond with a more neutral
voice.

Saying he would have to wear diapers like a baby is also not helpful. You want him to be a big boy. Expect him to learn how to be a big boy. (Here is an experience that I remember when I was 3-4. I accidently wet my panties. Mom told me I'd have to wear a diaper like my baby brother. I can still see where I was, feel my Mom's anger, and how I felt humiliated. I cried and cried.)

I suggest he is needing more attention. Negative attention is better than not enough attention. How much time do you spend with him? Do you know what interests him? How much time do you spend time with him doing fun things?
Do you think he feels loved? Is this a reaction to change and/or stress in his life?

I suggest rewards work better than punishment. If he uses the toilet, you'll get ice cream, go to a movie, watch TV with you. Find out what he likes and make doing it a reword.

When you know or strongly suspect he's lying dom't ask if he's lying. In a matter of fact way, say I don't believe you or sure sounds like lie. If the lie is obvious and you can use humor. Humour distracts from the tense situation. "You really think I didn't see, then put fingers around eyes and in a joking manner say something like "I'm the great seer' I see everything in a dramatic way. Both of you laugh.

Sometimes it helps to just calmly stand with him while saying do you want to watch this show or go play? You can do that when you tell me the truth. This has to be said without anger. Be confident and use very few words. Expect him to eventually tell the truth or enough of the truth that you can add to what he says.

In some situations you can say, "that would be fun nevertheless you must do....."
My granddaughter at five, would tell tall tales. One was that her aunt lives in that house and points to it. Let's go see her. My response would be something like, that would be fun but she doesn't live there. If she continued the fantasy, I would say, you really want to see aunt..... then we could talk about the aunt and why we'd like to see her. She forgets about the house. Similar with "I didn't peel on floor." Your response could be, I wonder if you wish you hadn't peed on the floor.

Taking away somethin that's unrelated to the lie, does not teach him how to tell the truth. It's apt to make him mad instead.

I suggest you read How to Talk So kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Farber.