7 Year Old School mate...not Really Friends and Here's Why.....

well, i guess it's nice that you and the other mom tried to make it work.
but it seems as if you're really overthinking this. the two boys don't like each other, aren't compatible, and aren't going to be friends. i think the escalating to scratching really underscores this.
it sounds as if the other mom, the principal, the school and the camp all agree.
so why not just let them not be friends?
it's not like it's the last time this will ever happen. kids need to learn to distance themselves quietly from people they don't like. drama over it is unnecessary,.
khairete
S.

I get that they tried some conflict resolution but these two were kept together I think WAY longer than they should have been and I think instead of the adults all trying to make/force them to get along that someone should have separated them long before a physical confrontation came to the forefront.
Yes no one should have injured anyone BUT I think all the adults involved pretty much failed these two kids.
My Mom always use to say "If you can't play together nicely then don't play together at all".
Sometimes old advice is the best.
No one HAS to be friends with everyone!
It's ok and preferable for kids that don't get along that they don't get together.
Go over the basics with your child but the next time he says he doesn't get along with someone - believe him.

Why is everyone so insistent that these two be "friends"?
Look, NO kid is going to like every. Single. Kid. He. Meets!

I tell mine (and have since K):
You're going to meet a LOT of kids.
Some will remain friends for life, others will be friends for the school year, others in the sports fields, or sport season, and MANY you may not like as friends. AT ALL.
You don't have to like everyone but you DO have to respect everyone.

Healthy adults don't try to form and maintain friendships with people that mistreat them yet the adults in your son's world expect him to do just that.

I give this social experiment an F. All your son needs to do is to be polite and respectful but he definitely doesn't need to be friends. I would get him into martial arts classes or some other kind of physical activity that can help him with his confidence.

I was buillied in school. It didn't change until I changed. Your son may need to change slightly.

I think you can let the school know there is no reason for the 'friendship circle'

I agree these boys should not be forced to be friends. Maybe one day (5th grade or something) they change their minds and find a common interest, but for now avoids each other.

Not sure what you're asking either - but my take on situations like this - it's ok to intervene if your child is being bullied or is so upset that he doesn't want to go to school. I get why you contacted the school.

But forcing friendships in general - I don't find it a good idea. So I don't.

I think your child will be relieved next year to not have to try with this child, and I would just have him focus on being friendly with kids he genuinely likes who treat him well.

It sounds like you meant well and had his best interests at heart, but it didn't work out - so you let it go and move on. Next time, I wouldn't try so hard :) I don't think if you ever have to try that hard it's a good thing - kind of a sign it wasn't meant to be.

Good luck and I hope he has a much better year :)

I think you need to encourage the powers that be at your son's school to take some classes on how to deal with bullying. Not that your son bullied or was bullied, but this "friendship group" is ridiculous and that is the first thing they will learn. You can't make kids like each other and you shouldn't try to do that. There are many other things that can be done that actually do work. Your school is way behind the times in this regard.

Why do they need to be friends?

Do you push people to be your friend even if you don't like them or get along?

I just cant figure out this type of parenting. Not everyone gets along and not everyone needs to be friends. I'm not saying they need to be mean to each other, but why force something that's never going to be.

It's great that the teacher and school tried to give the boys a chance to get to know each other and become friends, but you gave it a shot and it just wasn't in the cards. That's ok.

At this point, let it go. The boys have let you know time and time again that they are not friends. Again, that's ok. The vast majority of us were not friends with all of our classmates growing up. It would be great if they could learn to tolerate and, dare I say, be polite to each other. But if you continue to push them together, that's not likely to happen.

Let them be. Encourage your son to get to know his other classmates, explore other activities - sports, Cub scouts, martial arts, etc. Let him know that it's important for him to be polite and kind to this boy, but let him know that he does not need to be friends with him.

Um, this is just a part of life. Kids don't get along with everyone they meet, just like adults.
I hope you are able to get used to this and move on, you have MANY years of parenting ahead of you, and this kind of thing is barely a blip compared to the real challenges and struggles ahead...mean kids, bullying/gossip/peer pressure, hard teachers and schoolwork, unfair advantages, puberty, love/sex, drugs/alcohol, academic, social and athletic competition, discipline, maintaining balance and values, all this and much, much more.
You need to get stronger mama, parenting is NOT for the weak :-(

You did try. And you're not placing blame - as you said, oil and water. That's it. They just don't mesh well together. It's ok - as some of the other responders already said, as adults we do not force ourselves to be in close contact and be "friends" with people we don't get along with - why expect a 7 year old to? Chalk this up to a good effort and move on. It's ok.

Hi. I read your entire post and didn't see a question. Maybe you can edit your post and ask it there?

I am trying to imagine a similar scenario in our house. The discussion would be how to stay away from this kid not try harder to bond. Some people don't get along, learning how to politely navigate a "forced relationship" like at school, work or social circle is a life skill. Start 'em early, the world is full of people they won't much like.

Strategize with him on how to get along at school without getting too close to this kid. Role play situations where the kid approaches him or follows him around.

Finally have a talk with the school expressing that you do not want your child put in the "friendship circle" with that kid ever again. If it were me I'd tell them I don't want my child in the "friendship circle" with any child EVER. Can you tell how much I hate the way many schools deal with this sort of thing? Sometimes little Billy and little Bobby are never going to share a friendship, and that should be just fine.

It's obvious that we can't all like every single person we meet. Sometimes we meet someone and our hackles rise for no apparent reason. So we just don't like them and might not ever figure out why.

I've had this happen a couple of times in my life. I still work with a lady that I took an instant dislike to. I am respectful to her and we get along but I just do not like her. I finally found a reason and it's nuts but it's all I have. I worked with her mother many years ago and that woman, I did not like and gave her every chance to do right by me but she, over and over, did things that were not in my families best interest. I never went to her office where I might have seen a photo of this lady that I work with now and I never looked at photos on a phone or anything. Nothing. I just figure there is something there.

I think that your boy has taken all he can from this boy. He has been held down in a position where he might not have been able to breathe well and that makes a person feel deeply threatened. He's been bullied by this boy over and over. I'm sure he's had enough and even if he did the scratch on purpose he has had enough.

Please think about what happened and what happens to kids who fight back against their assailants. They get caught and THEY get in trouble. Then they learn that fighting back and defending themselves gets them in trouble.

So they get bullied and feel bad then they do something to stop it and they get in trouble. It's not uncommon for them to give up and just stand there and allow it. Please go to Stand For The Silent and read their boys story.

He took it and took it and took it. Then the one time he fought back he got in trouble. Then he shot himself.

I'm not saying that learning scratching others isn't a needed resolution and getting in trouble isn't needed. What I'm saying is that kids can only take so much and he might be at the end of his rope if he's starting to fight back.