7 Year Old Daughter Having Issues at School

I think you should sit down and talk with her. Perhaps there is another issue and this is how she is acting out. Let her know tat if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you that's fine but she needs to talk with someone- perhaps the school counselor. She could be bullied or anything and you want to let her know that you are there for her no matter what!

Start by simply asking her why she is doing this. :) She may say, "I don't know" (and she really may not know), but it is a start.

Set up some simple rewards and consequences. Have her take an index card to school each day and her teacher can give her a smiley, straight or sad face for morning and afternoon. Then have something like "For each smiley face you get to watch one t.v. show/play on the computer fro 30 minutes, etc. If you get 2 sad faces, you need to go to bed a half hour early. Or whatever will work for her. I really would stay away from toys or candy as "rewards" as I think it just sets kids up for "what will you give me" attitudes.

Also, make sure that if she is NOT doing the work at school she must finish it at home. If you pick her up from school and are able to, a good option is also having her sit right then and do it. Or, take her to school before school begins and have her do it there. Just make sure it is YOU supervising, not her teacher (they need that time to prep their room and get ready for kids).

It sounds like her teacher is using appropriate consequences (you scribbled on the desk, you clean it), but see what the classroom plan it, too. Then maybe it is something you could mirror a bit at home, too so she sees that you and the teacher are on the same page.

Taking away gymnastics may make things worse, not better. She may not connect losing that with her behavior in school.

You do not say if you have asked HER what is going on or why she is suddenly behaving this way. You jumped straight to figuring out ways to punish her, but first, you need to find out what is behind this behavior. That's especially important because it's unusual for her compared to last year. You mention that she refused to work for the substitute, but has she also been refusing to work for her own teacher prior to the sub being in the classroom?

If she does not want to talk, go with her to the counselor and maybe the counselor -- rather than her teacher -- can get her to open up. Or see the counselor by yourself and ask for help with figuring this out. The behaviors you describe seem somewhat angry and resistant; if she was only like this starting this school year -- not at home, not elsewhere -- there is something going on with school, probably; could it be that she's being bullied but is afraid to tell you? That she dislikes the teacher for some reason that would seem small and silly to an adult but is huge to her, so she is "punishing" the teacher by acting out? That she, herself, is trying to look big or tough to other kids for some reason? At home, are there ANY changes that, again, might seem small to adults but loom large for her -- any at all?

I think this needs unpacking. Yes, you need to discipline her for the behavior, but discipline teaches, and taking away gymnastics really teaches her nothing. Scrubbing the desk is good but also have her write a letter of apology to the teacher and explain why she did what she did. She will protest and say "I don't know, I don't know" when asked why but you and the counselor need to work to get past that and find out the root of this change. Sudden change is not good and indicates something upsetting her. Keep the disciplines appropriate to the offense -- if she doesn't work, she has to do extra work; if she talks back, she loses something she values like recess (for talking back at school) or TV time/computer time (at home) and so on. But meanwhile -- you really need to get to the bottom of her anger and resistance.

So per your previous post, about your Ex's Bossy New Girlfriend, your daughter's behavioral problems... started when the new bossy girlfriend came into the picture.
It is BADLY affecting your daughter.
And when your daughter visit's her Dad, who knows... how his Girlfriend is treating your daughter and you do not know what this woman is saying to your daughter on a regular basis.

Being that, the new Bossy Girlfriend's entry into your daughter's life, has seemingly caused emotional problems in your daughter... I would really, do something about it. It seems like a bad environment for your daughter to be in, when she visits her Dad.

What does your custody and visitation papers say????

You need to also, tell the Teacher about how your daughter has problems, perhaps because of this. So that, your Teacher is informed about your daughter's family life because it is affecting her.

A young child like that, CANNOT cope or handle, all these things by themselves.
Do you know how your daughter is being treated when she visits her Dad????? I would hope that her Dad, is nice to her and the Girlfriend and that she is not treated like a 2nd class citizen when she is there.
Or that, your Ex does not allow, his bossy new Girlfriend, to control... your daughter. Inappropriately.

There are so many things, that is causing your daughter to act out.
Can the School Counselor, also help????
Your Daughter, probably needs a professional Therapist.

Things like this, needs to be problem solved... and improved, otherwise, your daughter's emotional health will be permanently affected as she gets older. Think about that.

Your daughter is exhibiting trouble, emotionally.
And it is up to the adults/parents... to make sure she is helped.

She is so young.

How close are you to your daughter?
Do you chat with her, let her express her feelings to you, are you bonded well with her? A child, needs to have at least ONE parent, that they can rely on and trust and you as the Mom can be her soft place to fall... whenever she is stressed or worried or has anxiety or problems.
Because, it seems she cannot rely on her Dad nor his bossy new girlfriend who seems to be making things hard, on your daughter.

Is it possible that she's just having a hard time understanding what they are teaching and is acting out because of it? Being picked on? Having a fight with a friend? Talk to the teacher and see if there's anything different you both notice going on and hopefully you can come up with something.

And i've been hearing a lot about making the "punishment, fit the crime" so if she's misbehaving at school and drawing on things etc then maybe she needs to stay after school a few times to clean things like washing the desks, washing the white board, or picking up whatever. Things like that.

If you can, go sit in on the class.

Have you talked to her about it? What does she say? If she just says, I don't know or I don't care or I don't like school/it's too hard then it's time to sit down with her teacher and make a plan.
I don't think she should be punished at home, I think there should be consequences AT SCHOOL because that's where the behavior is happening. Most teachers have a system in place. Usually there will be one or two warnings, followed by a consequence, such as missing recess to finish her work. If the behavior continues she may then get sent to the principal's office.
If these methods don't work you should probably have her meet with the school psychologist because there may be some deeper issues or problems.

Try a rewards jar. Put marbles in the jar when she has a good day at school. After a few days of earning marbles (don't wait too long), give her a reward. Take away marbles for bad days.

Think of what matters to her. Maybe it's a package of stickers, a trip to see a new movie, etc. Make it motivating to earn her reward.

Good luck!

Sudden misbehavior means that she wanting attention, good or bad, for some reason. She sounds like she is likely having trouble and doesn't know how to ask for help (bullies, difficulty with new material, hard time seeing, etc.) . You are going to have to have a good sit down talk with her and find out what wrong. Don't be accusatory, she'll likely shut down and not talk. Listen carefully to what she say, and doesn't say.
She still needs a punishment, but it may be tempered by what you find out.

Hi,
I agree with S.H...it seems like something is going on that is very upsetting and your daughter needs help, not punishment. Have a conference with the teacher and other school staff if necessary. If they're not useful, go to a professional. There's nothing stopping you from going to get advice even if there is something in the custody agreement about your daughter.
Are you friends with her friends' moms? See if anyone is giving her a hard time or if she's mentioned anything to her friends. I have a 7yo girl and am amazed to see how some of them have started interacting socially (emerging 'mean girls,' etc.). I know it's hard and stressful when they misbehave, but if she's getting pulled in all directions by adults, she may not know how to cope.
Don't take away the gymnastics...it may be her only happy refuge.

Please don't take away gymnastics. Group activities teach so much. I am a mom & grandma so I had this happen. Others depend on her in a group . With my daughter, sometimes she didn't know "why" she acted up. I would ask questions & try to figure out "why". I also started :good girl tickets" I made up stips pf paper with GOOD GIRL written on it. She earned these for being good & not breaking the rules. If she earned 10 good girl tickets we would do something like go get ice cream. My grandson is really good, but there are days! With him, I find a quiet place, just the 2 of us & we talk. I starts out about something simple & I slowly bring up what he has done. I usually can find out what is going on. He can not stand me to be disappointed in him. I wish you luck.