6Yr Old Son Acting Out Since His Dad Moved

You need to get your son talking, either to you or to a counsler. He either thinks it is his fault daddy left or it's yours. If you don't get him talkind about how he feels and why mommy and daddy aren't together anymore, it will get worse and you'll have bigger problems down the road.

Good luck!!
S.

I know exactly how you fill, my son is 5
I don't know what to do with him, I know that he misses his dad. I try to give him all the support that I can.
I dont know the exact circistances to your situation but my sons are not allowed to have contact with their dad. I saw that it was doing more harm then good.
Give him lots of Hugs, it seems to work some what with my son.

An understanding friend

I am not in your position and may not have the right to give advice. May I ask if his father ever calls or keeps in touch with your son at all since the move? Maybe some of the stress your son is feeling is that 1) it is his fault that his daddy moved away; 2) he didn't do his chores the right way; 3) he got a bad grade in school and feels he let his father down; 4) that since his father moved out that he will forget him all together. I would suggest getting some sound advice from a therapist and maybe try to talking to his daddy so that he can back you up and play as a team member and not leave it up to you. Your son feels like he is losing control of his environment and doesn't know how to expell the frustation other than bad behavior or hanging out with less influential peers. Let your son know that there is a lot of love that both of you feel for him and reassure him his father will always be there for him. My heart goes out to him because he is crying out to a father who is no longer around! No wonder he is confused and afraid! Just let him know that you aren't going anywhere either! Best of luck in your unfortunate situation, but know there is hope for all things if there is love!

April

Your son is simply displaying his anger about his dad leaving. I don't really know how to control his anger. The best thing you can do is be firm with him that his behavior is not acceptable, but give him these constant reminders: You love him no matter what, his dad loves him, and it is okay to be angry. Tell him to draw what he feels. Or tell him to tell you how he feels and you write it down. He might not do that, but he needs an outlet for his anger. Show him you love him with constant affection and spend one on one time with him. Remind him that you will always be there to take care of him and never talk bad about dad leaving in front of him. Hang in there, you will be just fine.

I haven't gone through that, but I really feel for you. I found this booklet online. It is called "Three Simple Ways to Become a Happier Family." It has a lot of really useful suggestions and helps that could be great for you and your son. It's free, and it certainly couldn't hurt. Just click on the link below and scroll to the bottom. The booklet is in the bottom right corner. Good luck! http://mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/the-restora...

I am military spouse and often have to deal with behavioral problems with my children when my husband has been deployed (4 times - 6 months to 14 months; children now 8, 5, & 1). Its not the same thing, but the kids are greatly affected by it. Its important to try to set a standard of acceptible behavior with consequences. Good behavior gets extra rewards (whatever you choose: movie time, stickers, special outings, etc.) undesirable behavior does not get rewarded with attention. If it is just whining or verbal I usually ignore it or opt in quiet time/alone time where I keep them alone in their room or other space with a book. Sometimes this is all they need to regain composure or adjust from home to school. Sometime we enact busy time if they are not misbehaving but a little wild (running/wrestling in the house, jumping off furniture) where we give them special chores (age appropriate) for them to get exercise and work off energy in an indoor environment, or take a walk for a change of scenery. We have a list with words and visuals (for sone who has yet to learn to read) on the fridge for "crime and punishment" (the specific consequence for specific problem behaviors. We also have a chart with daily responsiblilities that should be done (brushing teeth, getting dressed, eating meals, clearing place at table, keeping room clean, etc.) I always try to make a point of talking to the kids alot. They understand more than they let on, and if you can explain things to them in simple terms, especially the reasoning for things, then seem to accept and cooperate more. It helps to find reason why it is in their best interest to cooperate, which seems to help them more willing to go along with things they would like to otherwise if they find a reason thats makes it to their advantage to cooperate. I explain to my kids that even grown-ups have rules to follow and conwequences for their actions. You dont pay your bills, you dont get teh service. you speed while driving, you get a ticket. You do something really bad, you get grown-up time out (JAIL), etc. I have also learned that kids will follow your behavior faster than they do what you tell them. It helps to be a good role model. If you throw a fit when you get angry, so will they. Parenting is a difficult undertaking and there are many different parenting styles. You have to find what works for you and your child and go with it. Your doc can help with specific issues, recommend certain books, or if all else fails, look to professional help. My brother in law went to counseling for years for "oppositional defiance disorder" starting in elementary school. He would do things like "screaming out the window "my mom is beating me", while she was on the front porch taking time out for herself, and calling the operator and asking for help, threatening his sister with a bat if she didnt do his chores, etc. The counseling helped him cope with his anger issues and now the man is a priest, helping others.

I don't really have any advice because I have never had to deal with this. The only advice I could offer really would be to talk to a counselor and if it's not in your budget to have a counselor talk to the one at his school or even a member of the church. Possibly the big brothers program at the Y? Does he talk to his father a lot? Maybe talk to his Dad and see if maybe he could arrange a nightly phone call around bed time? Something predictable that he could look forward to. Like I said I really don't know. I just want you to know that I am here to support you and I hope that will help a little.

Sweetie, your little one is simply angry. He doesn't know what to do with his anger so he lashes out at the people who love him because he knows he can. Let him know that you realize he is angry, tell him he has every right to be angry because his world has been turned upside down. Most importantly, make sure he understands that he did nothing to cause this and that both of his parents love him very much.
The best advice I have is to help him find an outlet for his anger, get him involved in something he loves to do and help him focus on other things.
Make sure that he has some kind of positive male role model in his world that is close by. Be it Granpa, uncle,your best friends husband. It might be a good idea to find a Boy Scout troop in your area so that he can spend time with other boys his age.
Know that he will be just fine as long as you hold it together and find ways to a positive force for him.
Good luck.

When my ex and I divorced 5 years ago, my son was 4. We went through the same behavior. The best thing you can do for your child is to find a child therapist who will help channel his anger in the right way. Right now he is angry that his world is changing and he cannot do anything about it. He is at an age that emotionally he does not know how to appropriately express his feelings, let alone put a name to them. That is where a good child therapist comes into play. Through dolls, art, clay, bopping bags, etc., the therapist helps the child to understand why they feel the way they do and hope to cope. It also is great for mom! You learn alot on how your child thinks so you can help him. Best of luck!