6Th Grader Struggling ALREADY

Updated on September 27, 2008
M.H. asks from Crown Point, IN
5 answers

Hi Moms~

Okay, I have a dilemma. My son is in 6th grade this year and for the past couple of years he has been struggling in school. In the past his teachers thought it was more laziness and organization problems instead of having a hard time learning or picking things up. I have a tutor that comes to our house once a week and spends an hour to two hours with him. I don't know if I want to punish him because I don't know if he is truly struggling or if he is lazy. I have been told in the past that it is a boy thing, but I don't buy that. He knows how important academics are. He only seems to care about sports and friends. I cannot get him to help around the house without getting angry. My main thing is school. Do you have any advise on how to get your child to really care about school instead of being popular and the best at sports? I don't know if grounding him or punishing him is the answer. And bribing him with incentives have not worked in the past either. HELP!

Thanks mom, I have thought of that as well, and yes, I took him last week to check his eyes....

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N.G.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter always had trouble in school too. She is also in 6th grade. By chance we got her eyes checked this summer and found out she has a convergence insufficency (or a problem focusing on the words on a page). She didn't complain about it because she thought this is how everyone sees. This is not something that is picked up by the eye tests at school. With vision training it can be corrected.

It may be a long shot, but it can't hurt to get his eyes checked to make sure he can see to read ok.

Good luck!

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E.R.

answers from Chicago on

Hi Mom,

I had the same problems with my 11yr old that is in 6th grade. The same thing all he cared about is sports and friends. I got him tested for everything there is out there. He past with no problem, so me and the school staff came up with the solution that he was to lazy, and he was not focusing in school. So my next step was taking him out from baseball (which that is all he lives for) and I told him that if he doesn’t start getting good grades. I was going to transfer him out from that school and put him in a new school. It seems to be working because he has been getting very good scores on most of his quizzes. He has made a total change. Before he goes to bed he reads every night to his sister his homework is done everyday when I get home from work. The more that he reads and studies the more he likes it. I hope that this keeps up for the rest of his school years.

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E.P.

answers from Chicago on

Sorry, I need to ask....have you ever had him tested for ADD? (Not ADHD) Do you notice that he will start a project and not finish? Does he follow directions well - can you give him 2 or 3 directions at a time and have him complete them? It's good that you are NOT buying "it's a boy thing!" because, if he's getting tutored and you are not getting results, it's a red flag. ADD can look like laziness. Grounding or punishing him isn't the answer until you know if he is in control of this behavior.

Have you talked to his teachers and gotten their feed-back? Trust me, I hate to "label" a child, but, in my experience, I would rather see a child with ADD get the help that they need, rather than believe that it's laziness. If it truly is laziness....you already know that the sports or extracurricular activities should be curtailed. And, I agree with you about incentives; we don't do an incentive program in my home either - we've tried to instill in our kids that everyone of us is a Representative of our family....everything each person does, reflects back to the family - every morning when they walk out that door - good or bad!

I hope you get an attitude adjustment with your child, soon. Best of luck.

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M.J.

answers from Chicago on

being the mom of two boys that are 6 years apart, and both are athletes..the best thing you have going for you is that you can't play sports with bad grades! the coaches start stressing the importance of the grades when the kids start playing in middle school(7th grade). They want kids who are on the honor roll! there is nothing worse than having a kid who is a key player from a team, benched because their grades were bad and made them ineligible! Just tell him that school is his job and if he doesn't perform to the standards,that the extras of sports, games, etc become very limited.

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K.K.

answers from Chicago on

Hi there! As a teacher of middle school, I can offer the academinc and parent advice! I can agree with other posters about taking away what he likes- if it's football he loves, he can't play unless his grades imrpove, if it's video games, same thing. Limit his time with is freinds. While being social is important at this age, so are academics. This is the time where they need to figure out the balance between school & other aspects of life. What does the tutor think? Does he/she see your son struggle with academics, or does he seem to do ok. Talking with his teachers at school, having them pay attention to his behaviors within the classroom may give insight into if he could have a condition such as ADHD (not the first to jump on that wagon...just using it as an example.... I exhaust all other routes before going that route). Maybe there is someone he could talk with at school (counselor, coach, etc.) to work out some sort of reward system. It could also be the age...there's more to being a teenager...sometimes it just takes adjustment. A simple conversation about what is working for him at school and what isn't, what is difficult as far as subject matter and what isn't may give insight as well. Teeneagers, especially boys (aren't we lucky), are not always quick to share if there is something going on. Hope this helps in some way.

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