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I don't know the age of the in laws but you might consider that someday maybe not too far off they won't be here and you'll have all the time in the world to do things how you want and not make an effort. My dad is gone, both of my husbands parents are gone and we would drive anywhere now to see them.

It sounds like you like it the way you like it and don't want to change for anything...because you're not used to it and your way is very important to you...

I can't imagine having parents who would drive 16 hours both ways to see me on both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Wow. I think it's your turn.

If they can make it this year, eventually they won't be able to. Start talking with your husband now about options.

This is happening to a lot of us as our relatives get older. Complicate it all with Alzheimer's (as is true in my family), and daily life, not just the holidays, gets complicated.

I'd bite the bullet this year and go to his folks' house given the time frame for decision making. Then spend the year trying to figure out how to handle next year.

I hate to point this out, but at some point our parents need their adult kids to drop by the house and assess how they are living at home. Are they able to take care of themselves? What kinds of things need to be put into place so they can stay in their homes for as long as possible. Driving may be the least of your worries. For instance, did dad go to the doctor after this illness? What was that all about?

It's a good thing MIL has stopped cooking. Many elderly people stop when they realize their memory isn't as sharp and their reflexes weaken. Cooking takes timing, measurements, etc.

Spend one of the days hanging out with them doing their normal routine. Find out who their friends are at the restaurant they eat at, etc.

Basically, it will be the best gift you can give them--a "check up" on how they are getting along.

And cook at their house. Make decorations. Go caroling. Figure out what Christmas is like there.

And don't think they are so old-fashioned! My parents don't own a computer. :)

I think it is a wonderful idea to go up there, plus it makes a lot of sense. I know how you feel, I really do, but it sounds like you know you are being slightly persnickety :)

I'm sure you can find a nice church service in the area when you go, even if your in-laws do not go with you! If you go with little expectations, a willingness to experience something new and a big heart, the holiday can be very much worth it. Good luck, focus on creating happy memories :)

So, they're old school. Most older people I know are that way. Just because they don't get into modern technology doesn't mean their way of doing things is wrong, just as your way of doing things isn't wrong, either. It's personal preference, and to be honest, I don't really see what it has to do with this particular situation.

Also, aren't we all really set in our ways, though? You are refusing to drive to see them. You are refusing to get on a plane, even though you admit to not having been to visit them for the holidays for 15 years. Pot, meet kettle.

It sounds like they love you all very much & if they want to drive, then where's the harm in that (unless their health is ailing, of course). Not many people would do that for someone, including their own kids or parents.

DH & I were discussing this the other day. Now that our parents are older, we feel that it's OUR turn to make the effort, to go out of our comfort zones more & make their lives easier. Our parents did for us for so many years, don't they deserve that same courtesy?

There's nothing wrong with your in laws not having a cell phone or high speed internet. Just be happy they even have internet at all! I'm not sure how that plays into your problem with them coming for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I don't blame them for wanting to drive back home instead of staying a month at your house. That is a long time to be a guest and I would want to be in my own home. If they don't want to fly, that's fine. Air travel is not all it's cracked up to be. Why don't you try to split the difference and consider meeting halfway for the Christmas weekend and getting a hotel?

Okay, youre trying to PREDICT.
Stop it.
Christmas is on Sunday this year and if you are planning on spending it at church rather than with your husbands family.... which do you feel God would rather you do?
I say pray on it, you have time to come up with the correct answer, plenty of time.
We often want to do what WE want to do. It's easy to be selfish and hard to be selfless.
I'd talk to them and ask them what they are doing for Christmas, feel them out... they might not give a hoot at all, once you find that out you will feel a lot better. I ALWAYS let my kids off the hook at holidays, I think the worst thing you can do is force family gatherings for holidays. I like my kids to visit when they WANT to and not when they HAVE to because it's a holiday. I loathe that pressure and feel it ruins the holiday.
Just remember, the season lasts from Dec 1 to New Years Day.... pick a weekend to go have a Christmas with them between now and then, it does not have to be on THAT ONE DAY. Only Santa can hit all the homes in a day ;)

Well it sounds like things have changed now, life doesn't stay the same. Go to your in-laws for Christmas. They won't be around forever. In the big picture what is more important? You getting your way or spending the holidays with part of the family that cannot travel anymore. You have to make concessions or you will regret it...

It sounds as if your in-laws are getting elderly or are elderly and your FIL's health may be taking a turn for the worse. How could you possibly have expected these people who "like things the way they like them" and are entitled to be that way to just hang out for a month so that they can spend Christmas at your house without having to drive back and forth again? I hope that was a joke on your part and that you never actually suggested that.

Holidays aren't just about the family we've created. They're also about our families of origin. Holidays are a time to show how much we appreciate each other and care about each other, and to show consideration. I think in this case it means planning to visit your in-laws so that they don't have to risk their health. Especially if you haven't visited there in 15 years.