A little background first. I am a single mom of three kids. Not to get into details but its a free for all at dads house and only like going over there mainly for that reason they can do what they want. He is confusing them with putting them in middle of things, and laming me for things, and putting me down in front of them. When they come back from his house it takes a long time for them to get their not at dads. I expect them do some chores and help a little around that house. Nothing big. I dont' lilke them have any kinds of pop or junk they want to eat. My one daughter has to been on a special diet. So when they come home from free for all to structured and expect them to do things here I have a major power struggle and they disrespect me and do not think they have to listen cause dad will side with the kids to make me look bad. I can't get my kids to do anything for one without a big fight with even trying to make it fun. Then my 6 year old has said she hates showers she hates school. Wants to sit at home and do nothing all day. I take away tv cause i know she likes it. Yes they are in counsling for things going on. I just can't get my daughter into the shower. At times i give her baths but when she needs her hair washed I give her a shower cause their other kids that need to get in there and get done. What do I do so its not a battle same with getting up ready for school. She wants to lay around do nothing.
Does she watch tv? Play on the computer? You have a lot of power with those things. If she doesn't do what you ask, take those things away until she does.
Here is what my mom used to tell my sister when she used to pull these stunts..
That is your dads house.. This is my house. You will follow my rules when you are here or you will not get to (insert her favorite things). My sisters favorite thing was playing outside with her friends..
Hi T.,
I know it seems a little strange, but pick your daughter up, and put her in the tub--tell her she has the choice--shower or bath. Either way--she is getting clean. Do not leave the bathroom until she passes the clean check and start implimenting a chores chart and sticker/reward chart for your kids. When they do something they are asked to do without attitude etc, they get a point/sticker towards the goal----they get to pick the goal though. So it could be like going out for ice cream on friday night if they do what they are supposed to do for the week before. Make it positive and you will see changes in your kids. Be there for them, talk to them and empathize with them. Divorce is hard stuff and being pulled in all diff directions is hard on children- see through the lines and see what is REALLY going on with your kids. There is something more behind this to make them act this way. GL
M
I agree with Laurie A. I know it stinks, but if she is going to have a big deal about the shower tell her she will have to wake up an hour earlier or get in the tub an hour earlier or half-hour earlier and wash her hair, etc in the bathtub. I don't see how that would ever be impossible. A bath is better than stinking. Do what you would do with a toddler, Do you wanna take a bath or shower? I don't think this is one of those battles to pick :P Good luck :)
When mine refuse a shower or bath I pick them up and sit them in it and turn on the water. It is bath time and they can choose to take a bath/shower with their clothes off or on. It took one time with our 7 year old and the 4 year old got his clothes off before we got to the bathroom. I know it seems harsh but Love and Logic parenting is good. It is time to clean the body, how it is going to happen is up to the person it is time to get clean.
School and showers are not an option.
Kuddos to you as a single parent and the responsible one that is trying to keep your children on a routine and schedule. Your kids are defintely testing you since its a free for all at dads. They are probably getting to make choices at dads even though the options are not anything you would let them choose. So give them the option but where both are things you want done. For example brushing teeth and a shower. I did this with my own kids. I would say you can shower or brush your teeth before your favorite show, but the other has to be done after your favorite show if not tomorrow you lose the privilege to watch your show and both need to be done and off to bed. Both things get done, they are both what you need done, but kids feel like they had some choice of when it got done. Thats the trick because they both got done before you wanted time. As for school have the teacher help you come up with a behavior/reward system that can be specified to the child and tweak as needed until it works.
Whatever kind of special diet your daughter is on, you ex better follow it! If he doesn't, tell your lawyer and take him to court if necessary.
I don't understand why you can't bathe your daughter. You said "there are other people needing done." Not sure what that means. Can't you bathe all your kids and forget the shower? You can wash your daughter's hair in the tub. Forget that power struggle. Definately give in to no showers. Age 6 is a little young to be taking showers anyway.
My daughter, age 5, really dislikes showers. We stick with a bath, yes it takes longer but she gets in after everyone else is done in the evening. I do not see her changing her tune when she is 6, 7 or even 8 years old, so I try to make sure there is enough time for a bath at night. This seems like one of those things that is not a fight worth fighting, she has to be able to make some choices for herself.
I really like the suggestion that Laurie A gave for the rules/food "That is your dads house.. This is my house. You will follow my rules when you are here or you will not get to (insert her favorite things). My sisters favorite thing was playing outside with her friends.."
This may sound weird, but when I was that age, I didn't take showers. My mom washed my hair in the kitchen sink. She used it like a salon sink. She would roll up a hand towel to put under my neck, then use the sprayer to wet/rinse my hair. I used to love it. I think she did it because the only shower in our house at the time was in their bedroom and she was trying to preserve the sanctity of hers/my dad's bathroom as much as possible... :)
