I have a 6-year-old son who, as of lately, has problems controlling his frustrations at home. If something doesn't go his way (if he doesn't win a game or is told to eat his salad before he gets a treat) he gets so upset that he will literally scream at the top of his lungs for 10-15 minutes.
I try telling him to go somewhere close by and calm down or he has to go to his room. Well, he seems to not hear me, because he'll just get more and more upset. Then I send him to his room - which upsets him more - where he continues his fit.
I don't yell when he gets like this (even though I sure feel like it!) I am trying to ignore the behavior. Afterward, he is fine and will apologize, but I still follow through with the consequence.
His teacher says he doesn't do this at school, he just is a little hard on himself when he doesn't achieve what he thinks he should. His triggers seem to be very random.
The only thing I can think of is his new sister (9 months) and maybe the stress of being in kindergarten. But he definitely gets attention from me and my husband and he has many friends in the neighborhood.
Can anyone offer me some tips to try and stave off these incidents before they spiral out of control? Or things I can have him do when he's mad that will help blow off steam in a productive way? I'm sure he would like me to just give him whatever he wants, but of course, that won't happen. :-)
Does he get candy and cookies and stuff like that? Sugar caffeine and chocolate will make a kid act up like that. Also food allergies and intollerance.
Hello mom! I know how u feel. I have a 5 almost 6 year old. He also had the same problem and I found a solution. Have you ever watch Supernanny? I love that show and the stuff works. At first I laughed at the 'time-out' chair, until I tried it and kept him there until he sat there for his 5 minutes. Then he gave me a hug and said sorry and was great the rest of the day. It only took me 20 minutes before he really sat. Now, his behaior has diminished a lot. I also had told my Chiroprator about how my son didnt sit in Kindergarten and was very active and what can i do. He gave me 2 vitamins: Min-Tran, which is a mineral tranquilizer- it makes the body calm and less tense. And gave Cataplex- it gives the body good energy. The chrioprator also said its the C2 and C3 in the neck that needs adjusted. Maybe u should get ahold of a chiropractor in your area. It took a month or so to kick in but now he finishes his work and seems calmer according to his teacher. His teacher and I write in a notebook each day to see how my son is doing. Let me know what happens.
M.
I don't know how much this will help with a 6-yr-old but for a while my 2-yr-old would do things like that. Just throw herself into the worst of temper tantrums, and I found that when she would get into those kinds of fits, if I distracted her in some way physically she'd stop and realize what she was doing. For instance when she was screaming at the top of her voice I would blow in her face. Usually she would get mad at me blowing at her but she'd stop screaming which is the entire point of the operation anyway. And then of course we would deal with her consequences, which was usually the deprivation of a treat at dinner. In any case, perhaps you could use something similar with your son. (Note: I got the trick from Caesar Milan the Dog Whisperer. lol)
E.,
Keep an eye on him. It's most likely a temporary mood or phase. Some kids just build up and hold in frustration and then lose it. There are ways to cope. If it continues or gets worse, as has been our case with our 4 year old, get some guidance from a professional. I just started implementing some theories from "The Explosive Child" and it is helping, but there are still underlying issues that are cropping up that we need additional professional help with.
Best Wishes.
L.
Let him throw a fit, just walk away as long as he is safe. It looks like he is getting your attention. Don't allow the temper tantrums to get him his way though. Good luck.
Have you considered having him evaluated? Kids with Asperger's Syndrome and other PDD's often have random emotional meltdowns. Especially with stress or change.
I have an 8 yr old boy that does the same thing except instead of screaming he throws things around and gets mean to his little sister who is 2. What we have found when he goes through these tantrums is something happened to one his toys (either broken or lost it) and he will not tell my husband nor myself it's broken or gone until he goes through this fit. We talk to him about his actions but at this point it goes in one ear out the other(which is very frustrating).
Like your son he does not show this behavior in school and is an overachiever. He is very much into sports which helps with the anger but he is also very competitive in everything he does.
I probably haven't given you much advice but I understand what you are going through and like your son mine has a younger sister as well. The one suggestion I can make is try (if he's not already) some type of sport, T-Ball, soccer ect, it seems to help my son get his aggression out if he doesn't talk about it.
Do you and your husband model good anger control with each other and other people? Example is always the firt place to start.
I think trying to reason with a child who is angry like that is always fruitless. When I send my son to his room for getting mad I tell him he can read play or whatever because his anger is getting up and he neeeds to calm down. I tell him he can come down when he is ready. This way hopefully when he gets angry as an adult he will know what to do when he gets angry.
Wait to reason with him when he is calm or the incident has passed. He's at an age where he will still remember but he needs to know straight away that he has made a choice that isnt the best one. Have him come up with a game plan for hi9s anger.
You do well to look for triggers. Here are some triggers I ofund with my kids. Tired, hungry (missed a snack), thirsty, fought with friends at school, felt slighted somehow with something I did without thinking,we've spoiled them with toom uch stuff, didnt sleep well the night before, watched too much TV, played too long on the computer or didnt get enough attention.
Does he feel in control of his life within safe bounds? Sometimes he may feel like you are calling all the shots and he doesnt get to choose anything for himself.
Dinner time is a great time for us where we talk to our kids and ask them questions and about their day. It solidifies us a as a family and also gives us some insight into what is going on. Sometimes we ask theoretical questions like what would you do if . . . happened and so on.
Hopefully this gives you some ideas.
Obviously, there is conflicting advice regarding whether or not to ignore the behavior at all. Personally, I think that particular issue depends primarily on the child. For my son, who wants to Constantly be around others, sitting in time out as punishment is very nearly torture. However, I was a nanny for a little boy that practically enjoyed time outs. That child would sit on the steps and be quiet, but would entertain himself with anything ~ it didn't phase him in the least to have to sit. My son, on the other hand, absolutely HATES it! That being said, since you can't seem to find the triggers, be SURE that he does Not get whatever it is he's screaming about, as this will only teach him that he got what he wanted by screaming. Also, if he becomes in any way hurtful towards your daughter, he should be removed immediately, but without saying that you're concerned that he'll hurt her, as he could take this to mean that she is the child with home you are more concerned. (Learned this one the hard way.) Lastly, if you are a Christian, and are familiar with the Bible and attend church regularly, there are quite a few verses in Proverbs that are appropriate. Additionally, we taught our son Ephesians 6:1 ~ Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. We try to incorporate that his disobedience to us, means that he is also disobeying God. Hope this helps! I'll be praying for you.
Our son was like that around that age too. We signed him up for karate. They learn self control and constructive ways to channel their anger. It really worked wonders for him. If you are interested, I can refer you to who he went to. We're actually having some problems again, so we're thinking about getting him back in karate. His sensei is in the Manheim area. It's a smaller school in his basement. They get more personal attention and Sensei is VERY nice. Hope this helps!
My oldest son exhibited similar behaviors when he was around 4-5 years old...THEN we had his sister. In our home, the introduction of a new baby really did set him off kilter. He was angry a lot - most of it was directed at me. He started kindergarten the month before my daughter was born - in many ways, they both had the best of me, but he still resented her. The upside was he never took it out on her...the downside was he did take it out on me.
I spoke with our pediatrician and she recommended we have him seen by a psychologist. We did and it really did seem to help all of us. After a large handful of visits, he was in a much better place and we had isolated his main problem...what the psychologist called "little king syndrome." The other issue that came to light was that he truly did not know his place in our home - he knew he wasn't an adult, but he didn't fit into the same "kid zone" as his baby sister.
A few months after his last visit with the psychologist, I stumbled on the book 1-2-3 Magic. As helpful as the therapist was, this book helped us even more. It helped us learn to control the escalation of the problems by just removing our son from the situation if he did not respond to simple quiet warnings. We have used this book with all three of our children with great success when we use it consistently.
Kindergarten also takes its toll on kids - that's a lot of change in his life...big boy school and new sister. With both of my boys, when they really get frustrated they do direct it at us - we're safe, I guess. It doesn't make it any easier...but at least they keep the extra frustration at home.
Good luck...
