5Yo Lying

She doesn't get it yet, she's still learning the concept. There are nuances between white lies and jokes and outright lies and those moments like with the meatloaf when the truth changes. It's confusing, she's still pretty young. Try to be patient and instructive-- instead of calling her out on a lie and trying to get her to fess up to a motive, it may be more helpful to say "you are not telling me the truth about what happened. I always want you to tell me the truth..,"

At 5, she is still trying to figure out the difference between the truth and pretend. That is why her "lies" are not to get her out of trouble. She is learning about truth and what she would like it to be. (That is why children this age get frightened of ghosts.) In the situation with the vitamin, my response would be something like "so you wondered what would happen if you said you didn't get it?" I would not label it a lie. I would label it a fantasy or make believe. She will gradually learn the difference by your labeling it as make believe and talking about truth.

My granddaughter, during kindergarten, told me stories such as her aunt living across the street from school. She insisted it was true even after I said she lived in Vancouver. Then, I said that it sure would be fun if she lived across from the school. My granddaughter beamed and said that was true. She never said her aunt lived across the street again.

I know a mother who kept insisting that her daughter was lying to her at that age even tho, what she said made no sense as a lie. Iit was pretending. She labeled the daughter as someone who lies and the daughter does now lie as a 12 yo. Kids do live up to our expectations.

I urge you to go easy on labeling what she says as a lie. Help her to understand the difference between what she thinks or wants it to be and what is actual.

It is completely normal for children to experiment with lying and completely counter productive to punish them for it. Po Bronson has some interesting research on the topic.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1122...

Keep talking to her about it, be an honest person yourself, and eventually she will get it.
I was punished/spanked a LOT as a kid.
It made me lie and sneak around MORE, just to stay out of trouble.
Don't put your kids through this.
TALK to them.
Share your disappointment and tell them WHY you're disappointed, that gets through to them more than anything!
ETA: the article Dana K shared is excellent, read it, if you were ever a kid (lol) it makes total sense :-)

I do not think she completely understands yet.

Our daughter always did great with books that explained behaviors. Maybe check out some books about lying.

Compliment her when she tells the truth.

Let her know you know she knows how to tell the truth.

Soooooo, remember this when she comes for school with tales that some teacher did something or another that you may find odd...

be careful about labeling these circumstances as 'lying.' you want her to be clear about what lying is, with its deliberate nature being emphasized. most 5 year olds are still working that part out.
obviously the most important thing is to model scrupulous honesty yourself. the 'white lies' that most adults find not only acceptable but necessary really muddy the waters for little people.
keep working on it with her, pointing out examples of jokes and mistakes so that she begins to grasp the difference between them and deliberate lies.
when my niece was exactly this age she insisted that she had lived in front royal with her mom before her older brother was born, which not only wasn't the case but was clearly impossible. my MIL was very upset by this and kept getting angry with her for 'lying.' to me it was clear that she wasn't lying one little bit, that the scenario in her head that was coming out as 'mommy and i lived in front royal' was completely true, she just wasn't able to express it in adult terms so 'living in front royal' was how it translated. it really bugged me how much it bugged my MIL!
khairete
S.

Do all of the examples of your 5 yr old lying involve the younger sibling getting into trouble? If so, I would look in that direction for the 'reason', and not expect a 5 yr old to be able (or willing) to explain the "reason" for her lying.

aaahhh were in the same boat. my 4 yr old and 2 yr old (both jan and feb will be 5 and 3) and my son lies. Most of it is silly stuff. We also have calcium gummies. My son was getting them from me and then telling my husband that no he had not received any. The calcium bottle is kept on the top shelf where even if they stood on the counter they couldnt reach it nor open the child proof bottle. So he got busted by us. We told him he coulnt have any vitimans or gummies that night. Yesterday he tried to tell my husband his teacher said Santa was evil. Which my husband totally bought and I debunked right away. He has also lied about getting in time out at school saying his teacher was a lier. Later my husband told me if I had not spoke directly with the teacher he would have believed him. Our son is a "good lier" which is a horrible thing. We are daily explaining to him about being a good person or a bad person. What good ppl do and reminding him just like when he was little and would hit ppl. Reminding and breaking the habbit. When my son says it wasnt a lie it was a joke i come back with "no it was a lie and you know it". I think this making light of a situation hits a nerve from an abusive ex husband who would hurt me and say it was an accident or we would be playful and i would get hurt he would say he was just kidding. it was so strange and crule i kinda dont let ppl get away with any light hearted it was a joke or i was just kidding. "it wasnt funny" is another thing I say.

Did you set her straight? Tell her that wasn't a joke it was a lie? If not, you should have. Sounds like she not only is lying, but she doesn't accept personal responsibility either which is a problem. I would have sent her to bed for the night.