5Th Grader with Constant Math Difficulties

Have you had her evaluated for learning disabilities?
For some unknown reason she can't seem to retain this information.
It doesn't sound like she's being lazy and not doing the studying/work.
You need to search for what the problem is so you can find a more effective way to help her.

"Dyscalculia

Affects a person’s ability to understand numbers and learn math facts."

https://ldaamerica.org/types-of-learning-disabilities/dys...

https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/c...

Just because you know the material and are showing her how to do it doesn't mean that you are good at TEACHING it to her. Teachers have degrees for a reason, and it's not just about knowing the subject it's knowing how to actually teach.
OR,
maybe she's not a good test taker.
Don't let it become a control thing. Parents who expect no less than A's (B's and C's aren't acceptable to you?) often find themselves embroiled in difficult relationships with kids who act out in all kinds of negative ways, often self harm, so be careful. I've no doubt she's picking up on the frustration and disappointment that's coming through in this post.
Personally I prefer young (high school or college age) tutors to those awful, soul killing corporate centers.

G.

She may not test well - I don't test well - in college - my Anatomy professor called me back after a mid-term - we went through the test - he asked me things and what things were and low and behold - I got 2 things wrong out of 100 questions. On my written test? I about 50% right. When I "test" I choke.

I've had to learn how to not choke - and I'm 52 years old. I have to breathe and not think of it as a test or a quiz - but just every day homework. it's hard.

Remember - she's NOT YOU. Yes, you recognize that - she's still going to sense your frustration.

Talk with her teacher. Find out how she behaves in class during a test. Is she looking around or is she struggling? That will help.

Good luck!

You're tutoring her the way you know how. But maybe that's not the best way for her. Yes, you know how to do math. But do you know how to teach? They aren't the same thing, and different teaching styles are needed for kids with different learning styles. She seems to do okay with you talking her through it, but she cannot do it independently. So, maybe you are subtly cuing her when she sits with you, and without those prompts at each step, she can't do it in a new situation. Another possibility is test anxiety where she freezes up.

What's clear is that, for 3 years, she's had a problem. It's time to try another approach because what you are doing isn't working. She needs either a different kind of tutor, or perhaps some sort of stress management or thought organization techniques. I'd sit with the teacher, the guidance counselor (if they have one), a learning disability specialist (I'm shocked that they haven't provided some sort of support services by now - demand them!) and the school psychologist (there's certainly one in the district, even if that person floats from school to school) and work out a strategy with some sort of professional help besides her mom. That doesn't mean you're a failure. It means you aren't skilled in the areas she needs. You take her to a pediatrician and a dentist, right? You put her in school with professional teachers, right?

Go back to being her mom and let some fresh perspective help your daughter here.

you may think you're hiding your frustration from her. but you're her mom, she knows you well, and i'm betting she's reading you loud and clear.

your comprehension of the subject matter would seem to be a huge boon. but if it's not helping, it's not. you may be explaining it in a way that's just not computing for her. she may be one of the kids for whom tests just don't work.

does she test poorly in other subjects? what does her teacher suggest? Sylvan is very iffy in my book. what about a private tutor? will the school agree to a different method of measuring her progress?

i totally get the frustration. i had an old boyfriend who had dutifully learned that verbs are 'doing words' but couldn't pick one out of a sentence for love nor money. my explanations made perfect sense to me. why couldn't he get it?

i also had to get someone else to give my boys riding lessons. i'm a REALLY good riding teacher. and homeschooled my kids, so don't have a huge problem teaching them in general. but for some reason it just didn't click when they got in the saddle.

i don't know, but it sure sounds as if the mother/daughter bond, as invaluable as it is, might be getting in the way here. might be time to let someone else take on the tutoring.

but please don't jackhammer it. remember that if she basically understands the concepts but is just testing poorly, your Prime Directive is still being fulfilled. you want to raise an adult who understands mathematics, not an adult who is a whizbang test taker, right?

khairete
S.

I have a couple of thoughts - as my kids have varying degrees of math understanding/ability/test taking skills and we've been through this.

Some kids just don't do well under pressure, and take too long doing one question on tests - then rush through the rest. I have one like this.

Some kids are not thorough. They kind of rush through to get it done. As they mature, they get that this isn't a great practice.

Some kids don't really care - and have that attitude towards school work unfortunately. When they care about something, or it comes easily to them, they do super duper, but if they struggle, they just throw in the towel.

Some kids have an unrecognized learning disability - but you've had her tested and I'm guessing they would have picked up on this? Also I would think a teacher might have mentioned this too.

Here's my personal thought - I am strong in math (at least at that level) - I can't help my kids. They aren't interested in listening to mom, and I don't really get how they teach math now. Tutors are the way to go - and everyone I know will same the same thing. Find one. Find one that works well with your kid. Ask the teacher, or ask the guidance teacher at your school, or ask friends with kids your age. Sometimes teachers at your school tutor in their off hours.

We've done students at college for our high school age kids (that worked well) but we've also done retired teachers (also gone over very well - as they know the subject matter inside and out). The only thing you want to watch for is if they teach it the same way the teacher does. We let the tutor know ahead of time (before the session) what the will be covering at that week's session. That way they can kind of prepare for the lesson, and our kid prepares with questions and does some homework ahead of time so it's a worthwhile time together. It keeps them up to speed - and it's just good that I know they aren't slipping behind.

That's what I would personally recommend. You won't be getting frustrated. Your relationship with your child will be improved - they won't feel they are letting you down. You can remove that feeling of stress from their schooling experience.

Good for you also - just farm it out. I would. You will be glad you did. Then just parent and praise for progress. You will see results. Then keep in touch with the teacher. Also make use of any at lunch help they offer etc.

G. as much as you want to deny it, she's not you. She's picking up on your frustration and she doesn't learn like you do. Please hire a tutor. Ask her math teacher what is going on.

My oldest son has dyscalculia, he doesn't see numbers like I do so his brain doesn't compute the way that mine does. He has a totally different pattern. We hired a tutor and worked with his teachers and now he's a freshman at the Citadel.

Dyscalculia is just like dyslexia. Just with numbers.

Please stop trying to "work" with your daughter. Let someone else do it before you damage your relationship with your daughter.

I teach math, and my son sometimes struggles on tests. My son doesn't always read the directions. He had a worksheet of multiplying and dividing fractions, but he didn't pay attention and multiplied all of them. Sometimes he works to quickly or just doesn't check his work.

You definitely want to make sure you are explaining things the same way the teacher is. Recently our son had to divide fractions using models. He was frustrated that his dad and I weren't very helpful. I reminded him that I knew what the correct answer was but that I never learned how to use models in order to divide fractions.

Have you talked to her teacher about this? Being consistent and making sure you are using the same vocabulary and working the problems would definitely help, but maybe she (or he) would have some additional insight.

Remember, you won't be the first parent contacting the teacher with concerns about math. And the more you can make sure your daughter has a good foundation now, the better the next few years will go.

My dad is a civil engineer. He “helped” me with geometry. I passed with a low c. I have test anxiety. I always did extra credit in every subject because I wanted good grades. My daily work was stellar. A teacher in high school finally told my mom about test anxiety and it helped her to realize some people don’t test well no matter how well prepared they are.

From this side, please know it could be anxiety or just struggling to internalize math. I had a very poor self image when it came to math. I felt defeated, not because my dad said anything but because he “got it” so easily and I didn’t. Let someone else help your kiddo. It’s hard to feel like you’re disappointing your parents when you’re doing the best you can. As frustrated as you are, your kid feels worse.

Now I am helping my kids with algebra and geometry (they take classes online). I understand more now than I ever have.

Bless her heart.

There might be a different approach to try. Certainly, your math skills are strong, but as Diane B said so well, that doesn't mean you have the skills (not the knowledge, but the teaching skills) to teach someone whose math skills are different from your own.

Imagine, for a moment, that your child has cerebral palsy, or another serious mobility issue. You don't have any such disability - you walk, maybe you hike, you can run, and you can use your hands and all your other muscles with ease, without even thinking about it. Does that mean you are qualified to provide physical therapy to your child? Of course not. You, as any responsible parent would, get your child proper help from a qualified health professional who is trained to teach a physically disabled child how to use a walker, how to take steps, how to stand well, how to learn balance, how to achieve their potential in the best, safest method possible. There's a whole science devoted to muscle training, mobility aids, intervention, and all that goes into helping a child achieve mobility and physical independence.

So perhaps your daughter needs help with math from someone who is specially trained to help kids who aren't confident in a certain academic area, or who completely blank when faced with the pressure of a test, or who need a different way to learn. Sylvan, or another similar program, won't undermine your math skills, they will simply help her learn in her different way, or take tests in a different way. They may suggest a quiet private testing area, or their experts may realize that your daughter is approaching math in a different way from your gifted engineering way. It's not a bad thing, any more than the child with cerebral palsy must sit or stand in a different way, using different muscles or aids, from the person who can hop up out of a chair without any difficulty or conscious effort. I'm not saying your child has any disability, but obviously she's functioning differently (not less, not in a sub-standard way) than the way you approach math.

Could it be that she has an unrecognized learning disability? Or perhaps she is terrified of test-taking? Your frustration is something she feels, I promise. And I understand your frustration. School is easy for me. It isn't always for my kids, and my frustration has given my daughter terrible anxiety. I feel terrible for what I've done to her. I hope you're not on that same path. Sylvan is really expensive, so maybe that isn't the solution. But if you're feeling so antagonized by her inability to remember things, perhaps you're a bad solution for her, too. I'd talk to her school counselors to have her tested. There's nothing wrong with recognizing that someone learns differently and giving them the tools they need to succeed.

Having read your update, I would like to encourage you to write to the school system requesting formal testing from a learning specialist and school psychologist and classroom observations. It might be test anxiety, but it might be a learning glitch, which makes it easy for her to internalize math information, but difficult to express it on a test format. This is not unusual. But it is imperative that it be addressed. This testing is free and mandatory when requested in writing.

One of my kids gets 98-100% grades on his usual math work, then he bombs the tests. He ends up with a B- or C at the end of a grading period. This is with tutoring and extra study sessions. He *is* learning and he is using math skills in other areas of his life. Tests don't always reflect reality.

Some kids just don't test well. If that is the case with your daughter, you will need to make peace with it so that math doesn't turn into this big stress-ball of a deal for her for no reason.

When you help her, make sure you're low-key and relaxed about it. A bad test grade means you tell her, "You worked really hard and we both know it. Just keep doing your best." If she's upset about it, go get some ice cream or whatever.

If she knew how to do them the night before the test, but bombed the test, maybe she gets test anxiety.

Well, what your doing now isn’t working and never had so it makes more sense to try something new (a learning center) than to continue to do the same thing and expect a different result.

I recommend Kumon math tutoring. They work on levels, a student has to master a level before advancing to harder levels.

My son was going through something similar. By the time he started 5th grade (last year), he was crying over math homework nightly because he just couldn't get it. He struggled with it daily and his anxiety became an issue which affected his confidence and caused him to act out. His teacher, school counselor, my husband and I worked as a team to make him feel more confident and tried to reinforce that it's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes help us grow. It literally took all year and was frustrating for all involved. One of the things we did as parents was to enroll him in Mathnasium to get that extra help. It's not exactly the cheapest option unfortunately. It was a slow process. In time, it helped ease the nightly fights when it came to homework but it took a long time for the anxiety to get better. It's been exactly a year, and I'm proud to say my son loves going to Mathnasium. His barely passing grades are a thing of the past. He's now in middle school (sixth grade) and over the summer he was asked to join the 6th/ 7th grade accelerated math class which he's currently getting a B+ in. Last year was a horrible year for us. It's so much better now. Getting outside help was the best thing we did for him, his confidence, and our sanity. He's comfortable in math (one of his favorite classes this year) and his anxiety is much better now (still a work in progress). I wish you all best. I definitely understand how difficult it can be. My recommendation is to get help as quickly as possible, before it gets worse. Also, we're starting Mathnasium for my 3rd grader as well. Unfortunately he's not doing so great and we're trying to STOP the cycle! Math is definitely not an easy subject to learn. I think my kids enjoy Mathnasium because there's no homework, it's a group setting with other kids, there's a reward system for attending and doing your work, and the staff is really friendly and helpful. Their way of teaching was able to teach my boys something the school, my husband and I couldn't.

Do you have a local mother’s club or board? If so, try posting there for tutor references. A professional will have seen lots of kids over th years and may help identify some learning difference. A HS or college kid may be good at math but not any better at figuring out what style your child needs or if there is an issue. I would also have her eyes checked for any tracking issues. One of my kids had trouble learning to read and of course I can read well. But she needed an experienced tutor. Then it clicked and she’s totally fine ever since. What I was doing with her just didn’t work.