5 Yr Old, 7 Mo Old and Now Preggo with TWINS!!! HELP!!

B.,
The biggest thing is a support system. Do you have that? If not, get one!! I know of playgroups, MOPS groups and Mommy & Me groups if you want information. MOPS was invaluable to me. You get Mommy time while the kids have quality childcare and social time. PLUS you make life-long friends with other women who know what you are going through, are non-judgmental and there to support you.

Feel free to contact me if you want more information.
Blessings -
C.

My advice to you is to, first and foremost, take care of yourself! With everything you have on your plate, you need to make YOU a priority whenever humanly possible. Since your husband is away on business on a regular basis and you have to carry the load yourself, please schedule time for yourself when your husband is in town - go to lunch with a friend, take a workshop, have a pedicure, have your husband take the kids out for a few hours so you can take a quiet bath, read a book, whatever...do something that you love whenever you can. This time away from the children will give you the replenishment you need, your husband time to bond with the children, and your children a break from the routine. It is crucial that you take time on a regular basis doing things that are important to you so you don't lose yourself in motherhood. Self-centered has such a negative connotation in our world today, however, we as women need to learn to be more self-centered (centered in self) and devote time to ourselves and our needs so we have enough to share with others.

When you are taking gentle care of yourself, you are much happier, calmer and better able to cope with whatever comes your way. Challenges don't seem so huge, and everyone in more peaceful because you are in a peaceful place. Good luck to you, and congratulations on your twins!

T.

My only suggestion would be to make sure you have some help! Do you live near family who can pitch in? If not, how about a moms' group or people from a church? Friends, neighbors, anybody who can lend a hand - enlist them now, if possible, and find out if they can help once the twins are born. Be sure to give your daughter special attention, since she's still a baby, too, and spend time just with your son and make him feel important as the "big brother." I think the most important thing is to make sure you're not feeling alone and overwhelmed in all of this. Ultimately, it is a blessing, and I hope all goes well for all of you!

Hi B.,
OMG girl! Bless your heart! I would like to suggest a new form of birth control: The aspirin method. Place an aspirin between your knees, and hold it there, and never let it drop EVER!!! (teeheehee!!)
My husband is a Paramedic/Firefighter, so I understand the feeling like a single parent thing. I can't relate to the having kids so close in age, but my first reaction is that you need help when those twins come! Do you have family nearby? Friends who can lend a hand?
As far as your 5 year old goes, kids are very resilient. She will adjust to having more siblings. I would suggest including her in the care of the younger kids, to help her feel important, and then be sure to carve out time for JUST her.
I'll keep you in my prayers!
Good luck!

B., i have pasted in the info on the FLYLADY.NET. As you get bigger and bigger you will need to be able to still clean house and do laundry, but the Flylady has broken it down to 15 minute increments. It is free to join and you will find so much info and time saving ways that will help you during the next 5 months. Here is the paste up:

Are YOU living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) like Franny in the pink sweats? Do you feel overwhelmed, overextended, and overdrawn? Hopeless and you don't know where to start? Don't worry friend, we've been there, too.

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Our home page is long. You need to scroll to the bottom to see it all. We use it as a bulletin board to showcase the activities we are currently working on. If today's date is not at the top of this home page, you have an old page on your computer, simply refresh your browser. The links (the underlined words) under FlyLady's feet (along the left hand side) are the permanent parts of the website. Also check the Table of Contents if you are looking for something particular. Welcome to FlyLady.net! Are you ready to FLY?

I have the same amount of kids but in a different order. It seems very overwhelming right now but you'll do just fine. For some reason you were meant to have 4 kids (if not more) & also meant to have them this quick. Feel free to email me off list if you'd like to talk more. My easiest advice would be to hook up with a local twins club, also TWINS Magazine has an awesome message board that is very valuable.
Hope to hear from you soon!
L.
Twin girls now 8, boy 6, boy 2

Try to relax a little and take one day at a time. Always include your five year in activties and helping with her siblings. Let her feel important and needed as part of this growing family. Give her special tasks to do directly related to the care of her siblings. You don't want her to feel like she has to do these things but like she is extra special in assisting you. Talk to her and maybe let her help pick names and items for the new family members. Always encourage her by recognizing good behavior and if it isn"t all that bad try in ignore the little infractions. I am a single mother of 4 ages 2,5,8,&10. Best wishes with family. :)

I have heard tremendous results with a book by Michael and Debi Pearl called "To Train Up A Child". I hope it might help. It is a very short book but very powerful. As for her allergies check out www.myhexagonalwater.com.

Dear B.,
Congratulations!!! While this is a difficult time for you, you will undoubtedly look back on this later with a smile on your face. You can get through it!
I found that when I was having another child I would be as inclusive as I could be with the "older" sibling. I would have them help me choose the clothes, dress baby etc. Even choosing names later will help her adjust.

The drama queen has a lot to do with your reaction. Get some counsel on how best to handle it, but not reacting may be the best, or making her aware of her selfishness. Reality is sometimes the best even with small children. I make my youngest of nine aware of his whining and it makes all the difference in his behavior. Sometimes we just need to be very clear about what is expected of them. They need boundaries to make them feel safe. If they don't know the rules, how will they be expected to understand? Clarity will help so much as you approach your new additions.

YOU CAN DO IT! Having your husband gone so much, must be very hard. I had my husband gone to school and work while my children were little. Yes it is very hard. Are there some things you can eliminate so you won't be quite so burdened?

My friends have a set of twins and triplets with two single deliveries between. They have 7 children with the oldest twins just turning 8. They have accepted help from family and friends. It has been such a help. The father is our local head Physician so he too is very busy. She has managed with help and loves being such a busy mom and the children are wonderful. Can your or your husband's family help you out after you have the twins? Can he take a leave around the time they think you will deliver?

Just take great care of yourself...really! Take great Prenatal Vitamins- usually they are better from the Health food store, and EAT GREAT FOODS and exercise. I used to take my children with me in the stroller. I had at least two in the stroller in one in the backpack. Walks will be good for all of you now and after you deliver. You want to get as close to term as you can with your twins, it will make it so much better for your whole family!

Probably the little one you have now and the twins will get along just wonderfully. The older sibling needs to be more of a helper and it will probably smooth out. Don't feel sorry for her! That is what I have found has been one of my biggest traps. Feeling sorry for your children makes you the "bad guy". Don't fall for it. You will have to become very savvy and let her know who "MOM" is! Even though you are very distraught right now be as consistent with your 5 year old daughter as possible.

You can do it. Call in reinforcements...you probably have a church affiliation, if not, get one and ask for help from them, from friends and family. Don't be too proud, EVERYONE around you will want to help. Be specific about your needs and ask!
I wish I was there to help you. My best friend in the Billings area is Kathleen Press...look her up. She was my midwife with my ninth. She will do everything in the world to help you. You can call me, H. ###-###-####. I will try to get you connected with help.
God Bless you and yours!
H. B. MOM (mother of many-9)

OMG. I love Fly Lady. After you click into her, you will love her. I was an only child. My children are 13 months apart. I have learned to pick my battles. If no one is bleeding, the house isn't burning down, and you're still breathing, it's all good.
Don't get too stressed out. With being the mommy to 4 children, just admit right now, they are going to fight, argue and drive you crazy. Accept this as your life, and welcome it. And remember to accept help when ANYONE offers.