5 Year Old Won't Behave in School

Hi L.,

I, Too, am an adoptive mother of an active little girl. I adopted her from foster care so I know some of her background. I am fortunate ienough toknow that there is a history of mental illness in her birth family so I have something to work with. If you know any of her birth history, that may be a good place for you to start too.

Also, I would ask for a conference with her teacher and see if there is something helpful your daughter can do if she chooses not to participate in Circle time. If it is important to you that she be part of that large-group time; maybe she can assist the teacher by holding the book, passing out instruments, manipulating the calendar pieces; whatever they are doing. As a teacher, I can tell you that there are many things she can be doing to be drawn into the group so that she won't be disruptive. That is not to say she will be a perfect angel, but she can be more engaged if the teacher is willing to work at it a little.

Good Luck
L. M.

Sounds like you have and are going to have your hands full. I often say Motherhood the gift that keeps on giving. I usually say that when I am cleaning up after someone has thrown up.

Sounds like you have a good handle on your daughters needs. Let me throw out an idea. Last year my son was in a at home preschool. The teacher was getting her degree in nueropsychology. My son was diagnosed by her with what ever she was studying that week. She thought he was bi-polar, had oppositional defiance disorder, ADD. He spent a lot of time in time out.

He had to come home one day because he hit someone in the face. He still talks about getting kicked out of school. She swears that she was watching the whole interaction and the hit was unprovoked. Well almost a year has gone by since he was in that school and he still talks about the day he was kicked out of school. He asks why the little boy he hit wasn't kicked out too. When I asked he said he hit me in the eye that is why I hit him back. That doesn't make it okay that our son hit someone but it does give some explination for his behavior. Before my son was in time out all the time I realized there was always a black sheep at this school that the teacher would slowly weed out. She would do this by make the boundaries smaller and smaller and nearly impossible for anyone to achieve.

This year he is in a new preschool, he loves it and they love him. He told the teacher about being kicked out of his old preschool and she asked me if that was true. I explained that he had to leave early one day but he was not kicked out of the school. She also said is it true he had to sit in time out all the time I said that is true. She could not believe it. He is very well behaved in his new preschool. What we have noticed at home is that he is very sensitive and wants to be the good kid. Once he has done something wrong he needs to punished then let it go. If it is harped on he will continue to misbehave. I understand, he lives up to your expectations of him. My mom likes to keep mentioning the bad deed all day even after the incident is over and punishment has been served. I have pointed out to her she has to let it go. Once he does his time in time out we need not bring it up again.

I am in no way saying your school is not good. I had no idea my son was so miserable were he was. Interestingly enough his older sisters have come forward with stories that happened when hey were there too. I keep saying why didn't you tell me when this was going on. I knew something was up when the reports I was getting was so different from what I was seeing at home. I do know my son was not ready to be away from me for as many hours as he was. I changed my schedule so I spend with him.

Good bless you for taking care of your special little girl.
J.

Your daughters issues may have nothing at all to do with her medical history and more to do with the simple fact that she is very intelligent. How does she do in school? I have a similar problem with my daughter and there is no medical history there. She is just quite intelligent and finds a lot of things in school mediocre and easy. She gets bored and then becomes distracted and starts talking or playing when she shouldn't. I can't tell you what the problem is and all I can do is offer another theory to your dilemma. Just keep in mind there may be nothing wrong with her except a higher IQ.

It sounds like she handles home very well because she is use to it and you can intervene quickly when you see changes occuring. At school on the other hand, they don't always have that opportunity. If she could be redircted or given something more active to do it would probably help her learning. I know that this is a hard thing to accomplish in a school setting. Keeping open communication with the teacher is the best thing you can do, maybe together the two of you can come up with solutions so that she isn't in time out so much and is participating more in a good learning enviornment....