5 Year Old with Anger Issues

Updated on March 03, 2008
D.B. asks from Minneapolis, MN
10 answers

My son is 5 years old turning 6 next month. Since November 2007 he has been showing alot of anger. In school and day care and some at home. At school he has melt downs. Not dailey every once in a while. i been told he will snap back at people, attempt to hit, act like he is going to hit. kicks the walls, won't let any one near him. even tossing a chair at a wall. if he don't want to do something. i was very surprised at what i heard. when he acts like that at home he does get mad and stomps around. but that is it. and i give him time outs a couple of time. i say time out if you don't behave. he quits. I am told that in school he is a very likeable and loving child. He wears glasses. he gets to bed about 8 - 8:30 the lastest. Maybe its the winter months. not being able to spend as much outside. I don't know. I didn't get a chance to talk with him yet about why he is acting out. tonight i will. but i just need some feed back on some possibilities. He is my only child. I give him lots of love and show it, knows i love him. I thought i was doing a great job with him being a single mother. He is a lovable child. shows lots of love. Might be a rut we are going thru?

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E.M.

answers from Bismarck on

My son acted very similar, thankfully his teacher told us she thought he was retarded, I had a person tell me to take him to a pediatrician, that is not spelled right. We did and he recommended that we take him to Sioux Falls, to what was then called the Crippled Children's hospital and school for an evaluation, that the school system would be required to pay for it in S.D. We did and found he actually had several problems that we learned from them how to deal with, in fact they came out and visited us once a month with more ideas.

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L.G.

answers from Iowa City on

My son was the same way and at 8-years-old has just been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. He has always had a very difficult time expressing how he feels so most of his frustration came out in anger and agression. He has been seeing a therapist who is helping with social skills training and has attended a social skills training class as well with other kids his age. His father and I divorced when he was 3. I know it helps him if I help him figure out what he wants to say. Maybe something is bothering him but he doesn't know how to tell you. And, you are right about winter being a downer for many. I hope some of this helps.

3 moms found this helpful
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P.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

My son has melt downs occasionally. He is also on the autism spectrum. I've learned that melt downs are a means of communicating, not a means of being naughty. Its important to learn why your son is melting down so that you can address the cause rather than punishing the reaction. There are so many things that can cause a melt down... hunger, fatigue, frustration... You said your son goes to bed at 8 or 8:30, but is he falling asleep right away? Does he wake up frequently? If the melt downs are more frequent at school, has he changed teachers or had a fight with a friend?

But please don't blame yourself or believe you are doing a bad job parenting. A bad parent would brush off the behavior as just being a boy or other nonsense. Just keep showing him love and ask him what's bothering him and really listen to him. If things get worse, you can ask the school for an evaluation or go to a place like Fraser.

Good Luck.

2 moms found this helpful
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D.S.

answers from Omaha on

You poor thing. I have a daughter with a tendency to be "spicy" as we say. She can be bossy, mean and push her brother around. But we know that's not her real nature since most times she is a great kid. I always take her behavior as a sign that something is going on emotionally for her that I am missing/she can't otherwise express (she is 5). I dont really say anything to her but I make a special effort to do more quality time with her in the next few days. We will watch movies together and I turn of the phone instead of answering it in the middle of the movie. I wait until the kids are in bed to get on the computer....ask her for help making dinner. This kind of small, daily routine kind of stuff. It has always helped her turn around. Having said that, I dont announce that she "deserves" special time since I dont want it to seem like a I rewarding her anger or bad behavior. Also, I agree with the other moms who suggest you might want to ask your pediatrician just to make sure it's not a developmental problem. If your doc clears him, then I would assume he has some emotions that his age/cognitive skills just aren't letting him work out. Talk to his teachers too. Sometimes a reward system can really help (Stars for behaving good and then when you get 10 stars you get a trip to the dollar store, or to pick a desert or something). Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

I would really seek help for your son. If he's doing this at 5 almost 6 what is he gonna be like in 10 years?

If I had to guess there is something going on at school. You did say he doesn't behave that way at home. Talk to his teacher, talk to your doctor. I would really just cover all bases.
I can only imagine the inner battle he must be feeling and how frustrating it's gotta be for him.
Good Luck!

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C.F.

answers from Milwaukee on

Most schools have a psychologist that can talk to your child and it's free. My daughter was acting out because of a learning disability and now gets the help she needs. When she first started school she was picked on alot because she wears glasses. Kids at that age can be very mean. Try to talk to your child explaining they can tell you anything and you won't be mad.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Milwaukee on

Hi D.,

I don't know where you live but we live in Wisconsin and it has been one of the worst winters ever!

Very cold and a lot of snow!!!!! I think we are all feeling a little penned up right now. I know I am! I normally see kids out playing in the neighborhood, but I haven't seen too many outside lately.

Our son grew up with adults. We didn't have a lot of children in the neighborhood where we used to live in when the kids were younger. Is he lonely?

Is there something going on at school?

Does he have a playmate? Does he have any friends at home?
Does he have playdates? How does he react around them?

Did something happen recently that might have started this behavior?

There are so many possibilities that could be setting him off.

Just ask him lots of questions. When I needed to find things out from my kids, I sat down and got the crayons out and did something with them. Then just would pop a question in and keep going from there.

Give it a try.

J.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.J.

answers from Eau Claire on

hi D.,have you had him tested for adhd? Another suggestion for my oldest showed exactly same characteristics at that age, is have more of a structured schedule at home such as he has at school. Biggest thing is dont blame yourself or your parenting for i did and started feeling discouraged,we eventually got through it-and i recieved the best reward for all my blood,sweat,and tears-he was a 2006 New Auburn graduate one of my proudest moments in life. If dad isnt involved consistantly i recommend finding him a mentor, for it takes a village to raise a child, your a great mom keep it up..... ~M.~

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N.P.

answers from Lincoln on

Hi D.
I study natural healing.I have a 13,4 and 2 year old. If there has been no changes in his life or yours,like a move,new job,or anything like that,it can even be some thing little,getting off schedule. Children also can sense stress in us if you are having any emotionsal distress or changes in your life. The bigges thing I feel with moods is food,I would keep a food journal,I tend to stay away from medication and this is the first thing people always suggest. Food is a big thing that can alter moods and cause allergies,headaches etc.The best way to do this is to take him off of one thing at a time for about a week. Dairy and sugar are the biggest ones that change moods and cause allergic reactions. Any food that causes negative responses in the body is an allergy,this does not always mean he has to break out,mood is a big part of it. A little sun shine wouldnt hurt either,alot of us are getting spring fever! I hope this helps!
N.

2 moms found this helpful
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V.O.

answers from Milwaukee on

I would be looking for an anger management theraptist to possibly help him because if you donot attack it now you will have a bigger problem later.Mines is turning 16 on Monday.

1 mom found this helpful
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