5 Year Old Potty Problems - Help!!

My daughter, who just turned 18, had much of the same issues that you are experiences. I finally took her to her pediatrician when she was about 5 - fully exasperated after visiting doctors, changing diet, dealing with constipation, rashes, you name it. Her pediatrician sat me down and told me "she isn't going to graduate from high school with diapers on - get over it." It was the very best advice I received. I put her in goodnights around the clock and forgot about it. Once all of the stress, prompting, rewards, etc. went away, most of the potty training issues went away. She still wet the bed at night for a number of years, but we didn't make a big deal about it and she took care of it herself when she had an accident (starting at like 8 or 9). The only thing we did do is if there was an activity that she needed to be potty trained to go on, we simply said "when you are dry all day for two weeks, we can talk about it." Not in a mean or shaming way, it was just a fact of life.

Today, she is full potty trained :) The pediatrician was right - she graduates in two weeks and nary a diaper in sight. I think she was just the most sensitive to stress surrounding potty training of all of my kids.

So, the best advice I can give was the advice I got - let it go!

Best of luck no matter what you decide is right for you and your family :)

Look up a condition called encopresis and see if that might be causing the poop problem. Our son had that off and on for years. It's a tough one to beat, but we found that by having him poop on a set schedule once a day, he got on track. He was afraid to poop at first, so we poured on the big rewards at first. Like, "Wow, you can earn that $20 Lego set if you go!" He was so blinded by the huge reward in his mind that he went without resistance. We decreased the size of the rewards as we went along, but that got the ball rolling. That worked better than the stool softeners and other tricks recommended by the pediatrician.

The pee accidents may just go along with that. If she can't control one, the other may just fall in line as a problem, too. Our son took years to get potty training fully mastered. Not to be discouraging, but he had accidents well into first grade. We sent him to school with extra clothes.

Good luck!

I had a student who had significant encopresis. So you need to rule that out.

I also had a son who was potty trained much much later than everyone else. In fact, he wasn't dry at night until 12. He actually had to use medication to control this. It's more common in boys, but it's definitely a factor for many girls as well. Our pediatrician sent us to a pediatric urologist, and at 7 our son went on medication (DDAVP). It was a breeze. He went off at 10, the problem came back, and he went back on until 12.

We did the alarms and felt they were pointless. They only went off after he was already wet, so what the hell was the point? It was just mental torture for everyone.

He was about 5.5 before he was reliably dry/clean during the day. I think some of it was developmental/physical, and some of it behavioral. Years later, knowing what I know about food science, I look back and wish I'd had the knowledge then to supplement appropriately to reduce the constipation. I would do that over Miralax and things like that which are less effective and don't have nutritional value.

However, beyond that, I think you're in a power struggle that you can't possibly win. I think Starr B. has some great points you should consider. There are much better products now for kids who aren't yet in control. Really, wouldn't this be better than cleaning up poop, changing and washing pee-soaked undies, and having her embarrassed and possibly made fun of in school? Cut back your expenses somewhere else, put her in appropriate garments, and let her live her life. She'll get on board faster if you take the competition out of it. No more stickers, no more prizes, no more nagging to please sit on the potty. Tell each child that it's up to them to do it when they're ready. Like walking, talking, riding a bike - it's on their schedule. We finally did the medication because we were way beyond the normal window, and he was old enough for sleepovers but couldn't' go.

Give your daughter a special bag with a fresh pull-up in it to take into the bathroom to change herself. That way, she doesn't have to take her full backpack and no one will know what she's doing. Or she can go to the nurse to use the bathroom and clean up. She and you can work out a silent signal with the teacher that says "I need to leave and go change."

Put a waterproof pad on the mattresses. We used a flat crib pad that could be washed. We put the mattress in plastic, then a fitted sheet, then the crib pad, then a 2nd fitted sheet. If our son wet through, we just stripped the top sheet and the crib pad, and were left with a dry sheet below that. So there was no middle-of-the-night bed changing. Just a pack of wipes and a plastic wastebasket for a quick wipe.

If your daughter gets a rash, try Balmex cream - we found it more effective.

Good luck!

I would rule out other factors, as others have said. It may be behavioral, or what you see with your son may also indicate a physical problem manifest in both children.

Also, I wouldn't use a timer. I would take her to the potty or tell her to try at times one might reasonably try - when you get up, when you go to bed, before/after bath, before going out, etc. That way you're also training her to look for toilets. If she gets distracted, then you need to perhaps limit TV time so that she doesn't get sucked into a show and not go to the bathroom. I would also make it her problem to clean up, very matter of factly. If she hides from you, then she knows she's made a mess. I've told my DD that I did not want my house to smell like pee. Did she? No? then we must take time to clean up. Teach her to take the time to clean it up and remind her that going to the toilet takes less time. I once made my DD rinse her own underpants. She wailed it was gross. I said, "Sure is. But I do it all the time. How do you think I feel?" I also told her very calmly that x milestone required her to be dry. She wanted to go to VBS with her friend? She needed to be able to use a restroom by herself and be dry the rest of the time.

I would also pay no mind to nighttime wetness at this time. Put her in a pull up or underjam and focus on the days.

My mom taught Kindergarten for years and this was more common than you would think. Her approach was very laid back - whereas of course most parents are pretty upset (understandably) because they want the best for their kids.

She used to say let's let it go for a month without stickers, rewards or even talking about it. So she would just help clean them up and made no mention of it. The kids visibly relaxed and often times the messes would at least be less frequent. If they weren't, it was more obvious that it pointed a medical problem.

My kids saw pediatric specialists - once for frequent urination (just had an ultrasound done to rule out problems) - it was non-invasive and then we just could let that go - and he outgrew it. If her constipation is not something you can control through diet or otherwise, then you might want to see a pediatric GI specialist.

The compacted stool in rectum very often causes pee problems as well as leakage. The muscles that control pee and elimination are tied in together - so if one is dysfunctional, the other process can be affected too. It's often why kids bed wet at night (who have chronic constipation).

I think Starr's advice is super. Put her back into pullups/goodnights (if she's not already). And explain that her body just isn't ready to keep dry yet - so she's not thinking this is something she is doing wrong. We all know kids in later grades who still have the odd mishap.

Good luck :)

** when mine were little and I was getting them off diapers (potty training) - we had special places for them to sit (but they thought of them as their special chairs). Could you do something similar? Instead of getting upset about couches and mattresses (I get it, it's hard to deal with) - do the plastic sheet protectors, and give her her own princess chair or something, and throw a cute blanket over it.

Go see gastrointestinal specialist. Our daughter had slightly different issues for over a year and many pediatrician visits later we saw a specialist. Our daughter was completely impacted meaning a hard column of poop was stuck in her intestines. She still pooped around it a bit but it was either hard pellets or diahrrea. The specialist put her on a 2 day clean out routine like you do before a colonoscopy. After that on full dose Miralax for several months. Then decreasing the dose over the next months with frequent check ups by the specialist. Problem solved that the pediatrician mis diagnosed for over a year. All kinds of tests were run to rule out Crohns disease, lactose intolerance, allergies, etc. Dehydration was the original cause. Hopefully a specialist can give you a diagnosis and treatment path. Good luck.

Sounds like food allergies! ..I would see a specialist to find out if it could be due to food related issues