My daughter is a very smart and intelligent child, that being said she is driving me nuts! When she gets in trouble its like the end of the world: Tonight she had one of her big story books and she kept throwing it down I told her if she did it one more time she was going to get in trouble and she did I said okay time for time out, she went into one of her "I am not getting my way so I am going to scream and yell" raging fits! I have done EVERYTHING, she has NO toys in her room at this point some went in the trash, I have spanked, I have ignored and the fit will go on and on and on. NOTHING fazes her, she tells me to call someone and tell them how she is acting, she tells me to go ahead and give away her toys. At night if she doesn't wanna go to sleep she starts making things up, like I miss everyone in Heaven, and I am scared of the (randomly looking around the room to tell me she is scared of it) carpet, closet, blanket, anything.......she doesn't know anyone that is in Heaven so not sure where that comes from so I tell her to tell me the truth, she says I am crying because I don't wanna go to bed, and I tell her thats too bad that she has to go to bed because she has to go to school, well then she will jump up and down on the bed yelling that she will not go to sleep sometimes there will be tears sometimes none......this whole thing is putting a ton of stress on my relationship with her and my fiance' I am at my wits end!!!
this thing keeps messing up and won't let me type everything. anyway, she had been throwing fits at bed time a while back and those ended. There haven't been any changes in her life, nothing out of the ordinary, she goes to pre school and is doing pretty well there. Teacher says she is great!
She goes to her dads every other weekend and he lives 3 hours away, nothing has changed there either. I am at a loss.
He and I have been together for 3 years and we have all been living together for one year. She is crazy about him, he doesn't have any kids of his own so this is all new to him and he has no idea what to do when she is having one of these fits.
Well, if it's any consolation my 5 year old son still has tantrums too. He procrastinates at bedtime as much as he can get away with. Usually one parent has to sit with him until he is asleep or almost asleep. I sometimes will read a book by his nightlights if he keeps trying to get me to talk after lights out.
Hey...this worked for some friends of mine...but I'm not sure I'd do it. Sit her down and tell her that she either goes to bed quietly or her door is gonna be shut and locked with no light on. It really did work. But that's up to you what you do. She is trying to control you....don't let her see that it's working!
How long have you been living with your fiance? If it hasn't been long, then this sounds like a really big attempt to keep your attention, and not lose it to the new man (important person) in your life.
I moved in with the man that I would eventually marry when his daughter was 18 months old. We dealt with her behavioral issues for about a year before she accepted me into the family. Now, we're very close - she's 26!
My youngest daughter often HATES going to bed. She is 9 now, and has always been this way. She is a night owl by nature, and loves to sleep in like a teenager on days she doesn't have school. I honestly think some kids are just wired this way. She says she's bored in her bed. Sleep is boring, etc. She has gone through phases where she wants to sleep anyplace else but in her room or in her bed. Some nights there is just minor complaining, some nights (not as much in recent years) have been full out tantrums. The thing we have found that works for her is an incentive system. If she goes to bed nicely after doing her bedtime reading on school nights, on Friday and/or Sat, she can have special weekend privileges such as watching a movie before bed, sleeping in the basement family room after watching a movie, building a fort in her bedroom to sleep in, having sister-time hanging out in bed reading a magazine or something with her big sister before bed, playing with her Ipod touch in bed for awhile before falling asleep, listening to a book on CD in bed, listening to the radio in bed, sometimes having a sleepover with a friend, etc. If she throws fits, there are no weekend night privileges. Also, I don't threaten in the moment, I just wait and see how she chooses to act, and then reward or don't reward accordingly.
Boyfriend has to realize, she is a child.
This happens.
Does he have kids himself? Does he understand child development?
Your darling 5 year old, needs you.
And this age is not easy.
Talk 'with' her.
They do get fears at this age, of things and the dark and night time.
They have imaginations.
Some of this is developmental based. So it is not just her.
And their cognition is changing too.
Many things going on in a child, at this age.
And yes, little girls are dramatic.
Like little women.
I have a girl. Too.
Fill her cup with what she needs.
get her into see a therapist.... you say its putting stress on you and your soon to be hubby. sounds like an attention thing. letting her talk to a therapist might be a huge help
I'm sure you have heard about all the buzz lately over food additives (dyes) causing poor behavior. While I don't think that all bad behavior is caused by food additives and the things that the rest of responders said are great advice, you may want to check your pantry. My children all had behavioral issues (some similar to what you have described) which were substantially helped by removing synthetic additives from their diet. We used the Feingold program (www.feingold.org).
As far as behaving well at school, some kids are able to hold things together at school and then let it all out on you - leading you to think that you have some sort of issue at home.
It sounds like you are doing everything you can so I must say that I feel for you! My daughter is much younger so I wouldnt know from experience, but maybe try sitting her down on one of her good moods and talking to her. Ask her if anything is bothering her. You could also ask her why she throws fits even though it doesnt get her what she wants. Tell her how proud you are when she behaves and occasionly reward her (Not too much I know bc then she will always expect it). If all else fails, maybe you could have her talk to a counselor at school or a therapist..? Does she have any siblings? Is your fiance' close with her? Maybe he could have a go at it since you are getting overwhelmed! Good Luck!! I hope you can work it out!
