5 Year Old and School Discipline

What medical condition are you dealing with for the IEP? Is it ADHD? Our son was just as defiant before we started medication for his ADHD and I can easily see him doing exactly the same thing as your son. He was just as strong-willed and didn't respond to punishments or positive reinforcement.

Is your child seeing a behavioral therapist at all? Ours is a great resource in situations like this. Definitely call your son's therapist if he has one. You might also contact the district psychologist who authorized the IEP for advice.

The only other thought I have is perhaps trying a different way of him apologizing. Our son was not good at doing this on a verbal level, but could in other ways, like drawing a nice picture to the people involved instead. I think keeping your son in the office indefinitely isn't accomplishing anything, so it's time to rethink strategies (on the part of the school). You might contact the principal and ask if you can help your son apologize in a different way, given his medical condition (whatever it is).

Best of luck to you!

I really think that you need to get someone else involved here. There are issues or reasons why your son won't talk to the principal that go beyond his simple defiance. You should work with his behavior specialist or psychologist, or whom ever he sees for the work on the IEP. I know that sometimes these things seem like simple behavior problems and that we are quick to punish for a failure to cooperate. I'm not saying that he doesn't have to face the consequences or have boundaries, because he does. However, he needs help from an expert on this. I have 4 children, one of whom has psychological problems that appear as defiance and 2 with IEP's due to physical delays. I know it is a thin between adapting discipline for a child and giving in. Get some help from an expert. Good luck!:)

He is probably afraid of the principal--that he or she is big and mean. Don't you remember being afraid of the "PRINCIPAL"? I do. Your son is only 5 and the principal is tall and in a secret special room. No wonder your son is afraid. And his twin isn't there to help him. So you help him.

Talk to the principal in advance and let him or her know that you are going to show up at school to talk to your child and the principal, to creat an atmosphere where an apology can happen. Because I do think than an apology needs to be followed through.

Let the principal know that you are going to begin by talking about other fun things to show that the principal is not a big mean person. Ask the principal to join you in not the principal's office, but in the exterior office. Make sure you relaxed and calm, because that will help your son be relaxed and calm. Make sure the principal sits down to so he or she doesn't look so big too.

Make the principal a friend, rather than a bad guy. Talk about the good things in the class. Ease in to what happened in line, and how he got out of control.

Then, ease your son into the apology. Talk about what happened. Have the principal talk about what happened.... in the past tense. It was a small matter in the long run, right? Small apology. Help him feel it was a small deal. Help him feel like the principal is his friend at the end of the visit.

And help him feel it is not an "APOLOGY TO THE PRINCIPAL" but a visit.

Have you tried just taking him into the Principal's office and helping to get the conversation started. He may be feeling like he just doesn't know where to begin. I did this with my daughter on occasion. She would start talking after a few minutes. It is just sad that learning time is being wasted by sitting out of the classroom. The longer it goes on, the more difficult it will become for him to return to class. He may also decide that it is easier to avoid class.

Just my opinion, do whatever it takes to help him return to his normal routine as soon as possible.

I would really consider putting them in an alternative school such as portland free school or waldorf, there your kid will be given more compassion for his behavioral differences & I think you
ll be amazed at the results that can be acomplished. Please just check into these programs, they work really well for kids who are different, not problems.

Updated

I would really consider putting them in an alternative school such as portland free school or waldorf, there your kid will be given more compassion for his behavioral differences & I think you
ll be amazed at the results that can be acomplished. Please just check into these programs, they work really well for kids who are different, not problems.

Can he draw the principal a picture?
Does he even have the words for the principal? What I mean is principals are big scary people and he is probably very intimidated and now does he really know why he is in there?
I would have the behavior teacher come in and work with him to get him back to class. No way should a developementally delayed in any way child have to sit in the office, he is learning now to hate school at 5.
Plus teacher could have said something like if anyone has anything to leave please go put it away now, like that truck Johnny.
My son is also a collector and always had something form school in his hands. He grew out of it by the middle of first grade, we were just consistent at sending it back, checking backpacks, and chocolate milk at dinner for leaving things at school.

It sounds like he doesn't have the verbal skills to defend himself. He only knows how to defend himself by acting out or by an impasse. It all started over a plastic gripper worth maybe 2 cents. The other kid tattled on him. He may have felt as if he were being treated as a criminal.

This kind of sounds like my son. His brain was not wired for verbal or social skills; but he is in the 99th percentile for mechanical skills. We eventually took my son out of public school and home-schooled him. We also found a child psychologist who could test him and work with behavioral problems. We found out he has Aspergers syndrome which changes the greater overall picture of the situation. The brain cannot be re-wired.

Ultimately, your relationship with your child is more important than with the school. Like us, you may not always understand your child. But just love him anyway.

Well, until he can find the words, life can be pretty boring, no TV, video games, friends over to play, etc. If he is scared, you can role play with him a mock conversation, so he will know somewhat to expect. I think for that age, it can be kept simple. One sentence, such as "I am very sorry I behaved badly in line and hurt Mrs. X" I would be willing to bet your son understands what he did was wrong, but the idea of talking to the principal and writing an apology seems overwhelming. Let him know you understand this is very difficult and you will help him with it. Good luck!