5 Weeks Til Due date...is This Rational?

Tell him that if he doesn't do it this weekend you'll be paying to have it done while he's gone. And then follow through. He'll never refuse to take you seriously again.

Hire someone to do the work and see how he likes spending money on something he should have and could have done himself.

OK there are probably nice, loving, constructive, diplomatic ways to solve your problem. I'll leave those answers to the other wise women here because that's not how I roll. What I would do will set a match to whatever tension is simmering and will blow things to bits, but that's how things work in my marriage anyway. If I'm already fired up about something, I don't care if I then make him mad too. Why should I be the only miserable one?

I would tell you husband that his choice is to get it done or hire someone, but you are not living with a non-functioning house for another week. Then tell him that the money you spend hiring someone will come out of something that's important to him. When I was at a similar impasse with my husband, I told him that I would hire someone and then I would sell his dirtbike without his permission to cover the cost. Passive-aggressive? Yes. Would I have done it? Absolutely? Did he do the work? You bet. I would also let him know that to hire someone quickly, you'll put the word out on FB or through friends and family that his 35-week pregnant wife needs someone ASAP to finish some work because he will be out of town for the weekend and unavailable. Maybe the humiliation of looking like a total d-bag to the whole world will work. I remember being 8 months pregnant and my husband refused to hang the Christmas lights just one stinking year for me. I told him that I would either get on a ladder and do it and have all the neighbors think he's an a-hole and come over and "rescue" me or would have my dad come over, who would gladly do it and how much of a jerk would that make my husband look that his retired FIL had to drive 90 minutes to help out with a task that he could do but didn't want to? So he did them.

Can you hire a handy man to finish up the kitchen?
If Hubby won't get it done, get it done without him.
Use paper plates and throw them away instead of washing dishes - that only leaves pots/pans and utensils that need to be washed.
When nursing school is finished and you are working you'll have the means to be more independent from Hubby.
It sounds like you and the kids and home are very low on his list of priorities and I'd have a hard time living like that.

Wow, just want to say sorry.
This is a train wreck.
It will get worse once you have the baby.

Counseling.
Therapy.

At least you told your Mom.
You have to vent, to someone.
Good thing she is coming to help you.

Counseling.

Because you two have WILDLY different priorities.

What BOTH of you want is rational, but they're also mutually exclusive. The compromise that needs to be made, in my experience, isn't ONE person "winning", but BOTH of you. Which means figuring out how to make what each of you want NOT mutually exclusive. Which means a counselor. Who can call dude on his 'always tomorrow, never today' stuff, and can give you some backup... And conversely, on toning down hormones & new mom exhaustion, and tone up his understanding.

Because right now... It sounds as if each of you is making life harder on the other person.

ALSO from experience ... ONE person changing that isn't enough. What happens there is the fighting stops, Nd the breaking hearts start. While the person getti g their way is clueless as to what's wrong.

So, again... Counseling.

I would absolutely tell him what you've told us. Going away to watch school wrestling is NOT a priority when the kitchen needs to be reassembled (and you're SO close!). I'll bet that if he got a few buddies over to help it could be completed in a morning.

I'd honestly pitch a fit if I were in your shoes. A big one. It's time for your husband to step up and act like the man in your home, not another kid.

Hire a handyman to finish it this weekend while he's away. Totally. I wouldn't hesitate.

Money talks. If my husband doesn't do things around the house, I threaten to hire someone else and he ends up getting it done. Even small things like trimming our cat's nails. She is super opposed to having her nails trimmed so I can't do it by myself. He promised me when we got her that he would trim them instead of getting her declawed. He always lets it go reeeallly long in between because it's such a pain. As soon as I say I'm going to take her to the vet so they can do it, he'll suddenly decide to take care of it.

Well, unfortunately none of us can speak for your husband. He is the only one that can explain his priorities. We can all take a guess, or say he's just being a guy, or empathize with your situation...but only talking with your husband is going to give you the answer to "why isn't that important?"

If it were me...I would take your mother up on the offer. A baby AND a toddler is ALOT of work. Getting the kitchen done before the baby...probably not a huge deal. As a newborn, it won't really make a difference...once baby starts moving around, then it will be a bigger deal.

With your mom's help, it can hopefully take some of the stress off of both of you for a while, and just work on your relationship. If you think your marriage is strained now...wait until that baby comes and you're yelling at him because he wasn't watching the toddler while you were feeding the baby, etc. It's ALOT more work than one kid and you too will need to learn how to communicate so you can help eachother out when you really need it.

Congrats on the new baby, and best of luck to you.

ETA: Just saw your SWH...when you said kitchen remodel I was thinking new cabinets or something...didn't realize you didn't have water. Tell him he's not going ANYWHERE until your at least have X and Y done lol. Maybe give smaller goals. So silly that some men can't just do things without being told.

When I was pregnant, my husband when left on his own would get things done, however, when I would ask for certain things to be done right that second, he wouldn't. So I completely understand where you are coming from. I am sorry.

My vote is that the kitchen comes first. Not just so that you have a safe place to bring baby home to, but that you have a safe place for the rest of the pregnancy. Even if you go away, you still come back to a mess of a kitchen. That stress is still there.

You need to take care of yourself. Passing out is not a good thing. Especially when you are pregnant.

Maybe this snow storm will be a blessing in disguise. If you can't leave the house, then he'll have time to finish the kitchen...

I wouldn't push the whole 'bonding with us before baby'. That would actually push my hubby further away.

Again, your hubby has a list of what he wants/needs to do. You have a list.
Sit down, with the calendar, and mark on the calendar all of the days that he is working late, gone, etc. and then compare 'priority before baby' lists, and write the days that they will be worked on, on the calendar. Sometimes seeing it all written out on the calendar helps them realize that time is getting short, instead of you just harping about it getting done.

Well being married 38 years, I can say this. He is a guy! You are probably better off letting him to and have your Mom come. You will probably get more done. However sounds like there is a lot left to do. Could you afford to have so done finish it. Over the years I have just learned to go with the flow because he always does things to save himself. Like the other day, I was admitted to the hospital pretty sick. We babysit our granddaughter whims 7 12 months. Her Mom and Dad had to be at work yesterday, so I said, well it is you and Pinkalicious. Now it has been a long time, since he was on his own with a baby. They did just fine. She adores him, he is beyond in love with her, plus she is a very easy going baby. I was very proud of him, but other times, it is like he gets nothing done. So I pick and chose. Maybe if you can get other things done, the kitchen will not be as overwhelming. Or just tell him he has the stay home. That nesting instinct at the end of pregnancy is not helping either lol.

Just realized you are in NY. He should have plenty of time during the storm to get things done.

Can you compromise? You go away for the weekend, but he skips the wrestling and finishes the kitchen. If the kitchen doesn't get done, you order takeout until it is.

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After your SWH: so the weekend get away he is talking about is for you BOTH to go to the wrestling thing?! Oh heck no!
I think I might hire somebody. And I love the idea of taking the funds to pay for it out of something HE values. If you absolutely do not have the money anywhere, then making it a party and telling him you are inviting his friends over for pizza and a power tools lunch gets my vote. The beer is only allowed AFTER the kitchen is done.

I remember the moment my OB-GYN told me it could be any time now. You are basically there.

short term plan

paper plates and /or no cooking-- take out only

hire someone if possible

invite buddies with beer and pizza otherwise. Send invites if necessary. Then let hubby take the responsibility and don't think about it again. It is all on him.

do what you can do safely

have mom come and let her do what she can do safely

breathe deeply

go to the doctor and tell her you have passed out twice

Long term

finish nursing school

get more independent

re-evaluate the relationship

I remember how our marriage strained when I felt the same way. My husband didn't seem to realize that there were more responsibilities involved. It took a few all-out scream sessions (me screaming, not him) explaining how I can't do it all, but more needs to get done. It definitely has taken some time.

I also remember him not realizing that free time now is something to be discussed jointly about how it is spent. He'd make decisions to play sports, not understanding that I needed to check papers, and as a result I couldn't because he was the babysitter. It took a long time to figure out a schedule that allowed me to get my work done.

I hope you can reach a point of balance in your relationship as well.

Hire someone to come in and finish the work. Your sanity is more important than the $$ you will spend.

Clearly he doesn't have the same priorities as you, nor does he seem to understand how much stress you're under with school, toddler and pregnancy. He likely sees your "reminding" as nagging which just complicates things, and probably makes him want to be around less and less..
I'm not sure why you chose to take on so much at once but what's done is done.
Please just hire someone to finish the work so you can have one less thing to to worry about!
And don't assume anything when it comes to expectations. While you think husbands "should" be doing one thing chances are he is assuming wives "should" be doing something else. He may see nursing school and a second child as something YOU wanted, you know? I'm not sure, but I do wish you guys luck, you are about to be even more tired and stressed with a newborn to look after 24/7.

Take the weekend off - go away together, Sounds like the two of you need a break from the hectic pace of your lives right now.

Get your mom to your house-stat-and start hiring people to do the work-he'll come around!

ETA: Hire someone to finish the job.

I went through this too. Had a baby November 30. Look, in ten years are you going to remember how you got the kitchen done before the baby was born? Or are you going to remember that last trip you took together before your second child came along? Sounds like you two need time to bond. Life will always have challenges. If not this one, then another. Take a break, because with a newborn, it's about to getmuch more challenging. TRUST ME.

Sounds about right to me. I'm due in about three weeks and you should see the list of things hubby has yet to do. We remodeled our bathroom right before Xmas. It took forever, but at least that is done.

My hubby has been much better with my third pregnancy than with my second. T be honest, having kids close together is great for the kids, but it take its toll on the parents.

A lot of it is hormonal too. I feel totally overwhelmed frequently.

You might want to remember that he is probably feeling overwhelmed too. Newborns are wonderful but they can make life a living hell.

Maybe the cabinets can wait but no running water?? No friggin' way. I like people's answers of paying someone to do it. And I agree - sell something of his if you can't afford to pay someone otherwise. Could him getting the sink in be a compromise? He does that, you let the cabinets go and you do something fun in the "spare" time? To encourage you though, my husband and I had different priorities too when our kids were young and it caused so many fights. It's gotten so much better so don't lose hope. Here's a good one. I was a few weeks away from my due date, the primary breadwinner and my first child was 15 mos old and a big kid and wanted to be carried a lot. My husband was working all the time. I asked him to please please come home "early" meaning 6pm just for a couple of weeks till I delivered. Do his work from home later if he had to. He didn't. He put his job first when again - I was the primary breadwinner and made enough to support us both easily so money wasn't a huge issue - and then that job ended anyway so it was for nothing! One of those things - I've forgiven but not forgotten? Or maybe neither forgiven or forgotten but like I said, things are just way better so I overlook it now. Those early years can be very tough when you have a pigheaded husband. :) Eventually you learn to do what you need to do for yourself (ie: hire someone to put in the sink) and the kids are easier and I think husbands learn and evolve. So hang in there. And - of course have your mother come if she can!!