5-Year Old Daughter Is Suddenly "SHY"

Hi L., Well, you know the parable about how the sun and wind were in a contest over who could be first to take the coat off of a man. The wind blew and blew, but the harder it blew on the man the tighter he held on to the coat. Then the sun just shone on the man's back and he grew hot and took the coat off. Her "little shy" is her coat right now. She's wearing it for some reason. Who knows really? Just let her wear it. Shine your love on her and she will take it off when she's ready. No need to be frustrated by it or to get angry. We all do what we can to cope with life. Isn't it wonderful that, even at 5, your daughter has coping mechanisms too? Be curious, not annoyed. Good luck!

Don't punish her. she can't help how she feels. I would give her lots of encouragement. You can also try to ignore the behavior as much as possible. Have you asked her why she is shy? Having a new brother, she may just want more time with mommy. Try to find some time each day just for the 2 of you.

well, i'd look at it this way. you've got a little girl who is always wonderful with her baby brother. should she be punished? a touch of shyness has always been her way so at least to some degree it's an inherent part of her personality. is that a reason to be punished? it could be that she is feeling a little left out and in need of some attention. would any reasonable parent punish a child for that? she communicates her feelings to you clearly and openly. should that be discouraged? it inconveniences you a little at certain times. is a little inconvenience really a reason to get angry with an obviously sweet child who is letting you know to the best of her ability that she has an issue or an unmet need? rather than ignoring, punishing or getting angry, how about just quietly giving her a little one-on-one extra attention, a little more time to adjust when walking into new situations, some very careful listening and mirroring back to her what she says so she knows she has been heard. there are plenty of occasions where punishment is appropriate. i would give this little girl plenty of love, understanding and a safe place to express her confusion or need to develop more mature coping techniques. she sounds like a star.
khairete
S.

It's definitely not an offense to be punished. My son acts like that sometimes. He calls himself shy, but I try to avoid that label because I don't want to make it a lifelong self-fulfilling prophecy. I think it's normal for anyone to act shy sometimes, especially us introverts. I think you just have to let her warm up in her own time.

If she's always nice to her brother, Sarah could be one of the tender ones; those sensitive, serious children who think a lot and feel everything deeply. It seems quite reasonable that your daughter could be feeling a little less certain about her place in the family, and by by extension, her place in the world. She might be a little overwhelmed by the new responsibility and independence that is expected of her as a big sister.

Even if there were no new sibling, she could still be feeling more self-conscious because of changes in her body or something somebody said to her. A sensitive child can make quite a big emotional deal out of some little comment by a teacher or classmate.

There's nothing wrong with being shy. It's just the way some of us are put together. I was always shy, and still am, though I have a rich inner life and enough social activity to keep me happily engaged. More would probably exhaust me, both emotionally and physically.

If you let your daughter know you love and support her no matter what, she'll find ways to cope with her shyness. Forcing her to be more outgoing won't work if she's not outgoing. She might put on an act to please you, but there's something a little tragic in not being able to live one's own most authentic life.

There's a great book on personality types called "Please Understand Me." I highly recommend it to anyone who finds a child, spouse or coworker's way of being in the world perplexing. See more detail here: http://www.amazon.com/Please-Understand-Me-Character-Temp...

My 4 yr old daughter has been the same way since my son was born. She is very assertive and outgoing, but now even if she asks for friends to come over she acts shy when they are here. I'll be following your post to see what more advice you get. Good luck.

It sounds to me like she could have heard someone say that about her and is trying it out. So you could say, "Well, you're sometimes shy, but more often outgoing." Try using your words to set her free and let her grow. (I might have missed the mark, but my son hears people say things about him and a day or a month later will repeat it and I try and say something that let's him know I hear him, but that it isn't who he really has to be.) Best of luck!