I am actually making a request for my friend, she has a 4 1/2 year old. The other day on Nick Noggin they were playing a song called, I'm not perfect. It talks about how I'm not perfect, but I've got what I've got, and I should be proud and happy with it. Her daughter had her hands on her hips, yelling and screaming at the tv saying that she is perfect. She was genuinly mad and angry that they were saying she was not perfect. Her mother tried to explain to her that nobody is perfect that everyone has faults, but that is ok. She even tried to explain by asking her to do a handstand (which she can not do) then explained that if you are perfect you would have been able to do a handstand. The 4 yr olds answer is that she is perfect and if she doesn't know how to do something it is just because she hasn't learned it yet and she will learn it when she gets older, then she will be perfect. Her daughter has a very strong personality and has an answer for everything. My friend would like to know if it comes up again how should she handle it? She doesn't want to crash her self confidence at the same time she feels her daughter needs to be brought off of her high horse, Any suggestions?
Oprah did a show on very determined kids..Maybe you can look on her web site and find that show..Good Luck
I have to respectfully disagree with most of the responses you've received. I have a 6 yr-old daughter who, it seems, has a very similar personality to your friend's child. She is a girl of extremes - she can make your life absolutely beautiful, but she is also well-equipped to make it miserable when she wants to.
I do understand and agree with the premise of building children up and giving them self-confidence. One of the worst things a parent can do is to put their children down. But giving a child the sense that they are perfect is a really bad idea. If you think of it logically, it sets them up for major disappointment. They will fail, and if you gently prepare them for that, while emphasizing their strengths, they will take their failures in stride much more readily.
I do not think that your friend is at fault, and she actually handled the situation quite well. Personally, I would not make a big issue of it now. But I would strongly suggest that she watch for further behavior that suggests an ongoing issue. If it continues, she might try pointing out her own flaws, or those of others that her daughter feels close to and admires. Also, as things happen on a daily basis that show imperfections in the child (in my house, this is on an hourly basis) she could kindly and gently point those things out.
This is very humble advice from the mom of an EXTREMELY strong-willed daughter, and I hope it helps. By the way, The Strong-Willed Child is a very good book. Not all of the advice has worked for us, but it does give you a very good understanding of the child's motivations and drive. One of the most important things I learned from it was that there is a difference in breaking a child's will and breaking her spirit. The first is necessary, the second is never appropriate.
It is such a blessing and a huge responsibility to raise a child like this. Best of luck to your friend.
I would ignore it. Girls do a pretty good job of tearing each other down once they get to school anyway. She'll realize soon enough that she isn't perfect, but she'll at least have the self-confidence to know that it is ok not to be perfect.
I agree that nothing needs to be done. My 4 year old is the same way and gets upset when we go out if strangers don't tell her she's cute. (eyes rolling)
I tell her that God made her perfect so if she did what your friend's daughter did it wouldn't surprise me.
I would suggest your friend ignore it. Most 4 1/2 year olds *do* have an answer for everything. Making a big deal out of this incident is the wrong thing to do. "This, too, shall pass." It certainly doesn't work to tear down her self-confidence. Don't borrow trouble. But, next time she stands yelling at the television, she should be told to use her "inside" voice.
LOL! I agree with Brenda, I have a 4.5 year-old little girl and she gets furious if she doesn't win all the time. I've explained to her that sometimes we win and sometimes we don't, since I assumed the word "losing" was what set her off.
Anyways, other than this minor thing she is super sweet and smart; she loves to learn news things, gets along with all of her friends and helps me around the house without me telling her or rewarding her.
I would advise your friend to pick her battles and just laugh it off. If her daughter is otherwise healthy and active, I really don't think this is a behavioral problem at all.
Good luck!
Tell her to get the book, "Strong-Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson. If you're not familiar with him, he's probably the leading authority on families and children. This book has been on the best seller list for years. It's very well known--you can probably get it at Half Price Books. Also, if your friend is not attending church anywhere, it would probably be good for her to select a church where her daughter has opportunities to learn about the only perfect person that ever lived---Jesus!
I understand where you friend is coming. She should tell her daughter that being perfect takes hard work and even if so, you are not always perfect. It is hard to explain that to a child because they are set to their own way of thinking. My 4 1/2yrs old son asked me would he be able to fly in his halloween custom as being a Batman this year. He told me that his friend told him no, but he is so sure that he can. I had to tell him it is only on tv, but he wouldn't even take that as answer. I then had to tell him that I will try to find one and we would have to see. But when the time comes I will must likely tell him that they ran out of custom lets you fly.
