4Yr Old Son Wants Everything in the Store

Read the Berenstein Bears and the Gimmies book. Use a philosophy similar to what is presented in the book. Allow him to get something on certain trips and let him know before you go into the store. You can limit him to $1 or $3. Use it as an opportunity to teach numbers as well.

Have you tried explaining to him before you enter the store that "we're going shopping for___ and will not be buying any toys today". I do that with my boys (4 1/2 and 2 1/2) as we're walking in the door. If we have time, I will let them browse through the toy section, but they already know that they cannot have anything. On occasion, if I'm out shopping by myself, I will pick them each up something SMALL and tell them I was thinking about them while I was shopping and thought they might like this. Good luck, stay strong and if you stay consistent enough he'll understand eventually that you're not going to give in.

My suggestion is similar to Laurie A. I have probably told this story a 100 times because so many parents have been through what you are going through. One day when my daughter was about 3 years old, we went to the store. Out of the blue, it has never happened before, she threw a fit/tantrum because I said no to her getting a toy. I wasn’t prepared for it at all! What I did was leave my shopping cart where it was, take her kicking and screaming out of there, put her in the car, drove home and told her that behavior was unacceptable, that I was really disappointed in her and she had to go into time out until I told her she could come and apologize. I stayed calm and firm but OMG I wanted to blow up.

Once she calmed down, apologized I told her that if that ever happened again, she would never be able to go with me anywhere ever again and that type of behavior I will not tolerate. Believe it or not, it never did happen again. I’m not exaggerating either. My now 12 year old only had one episode like that ever on that day and I think what I did really had an impact on her! Maybe this will work for you. It wouldn’t hurt to try =-)

That kind of bahavior is absolutely unacceptable! Unless you have an emergency in the store like picking up prescriptions or something that can't wait, that child needs to be removed IMMEDIATELY from the store, his behind slammed into his car seat, buckled up, driven home and put into his room for the night! We agree with spanking, so that would TOTALLY be warranted in this situation. Some don't agree with, that's up to you. NEVER EVER would one of my children be allowed to HIT us, as we'd give him an example by swatting his bottom and asking how it felt and letting him know that his hitting hurts us as well. NEVER EVER would those nasty words of "I hate you" come out of our children's mouths or they'd be put in their room for quite a long time alone and then remind them if they say such a nasty thing to someone who gives them love, clothes, food, toys, a home and more, we'd start taking back the things he loves because why should we reward our children for such nasty behavior? Scratching? Same thing. RESPECT is the big issue here and it must be given without question.

This is a very touchy subject for us. We love our children and hug and kiss them constantly, but will NEVER tolerate such behavior. Good behavior gets rewards. Poor behavior gets it right back.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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I have 2 thoughts. My 4 yr old will sometimes back off on the gimmies if we put things he wants on a list. You may actually have to write it down and read it back to him so he feels heard. My son now asks if. I will buy him x toy for his Birthday-which is in Jan. LOL. My other thought is to tell him before you go into the store that you are not here to buy toys. If he misbehaves, you will all leave the store and he will have a cranky mommy because you didn't get your errand done. Best of luck, I know how upsetting it is when your child asks for everything, we've all been there.

Hi, Teri:

You are not doing anything wrong!!!!!!
You need some skills in discipline, that's all.
Stop worrying things will work out.

Let's look at what you are doing with him at home.
How is his behavior at home?

How is he getting along with his brother?
How is he getting along with you and his daddy?

Give me an example of any conflicts at home.

Just want to know to help.
D.

You are not doing anything wrong. All kids are different. With that said I have a few ideas. Granted I have not gone through this but this is what I thought of...

You could make him a chore chart and for every chore he does (brush teeth, get dressed, pick up room) he could earn a quarter. This way he'll have his own money to buy a little something.

Or, you could have him take a pad and pencil to the store and when he sees something he wants show interest and tell him he should write it down for his Christmas/ birthday list.

My girls don't usually ask for anything at the store but I make it a point to buy them a little something, just a few dollars (or the "one spot" at target!) every few times we go. I think it is important to let them know their good behavior is appreciated. Maybe you could do something similar with your son once you get him to behave in the store. I just tell my girls "wow I love the way you've been acting in the store, let's go pick something out for each of you." They puff up with pride and are soo soo soo excited.

teri,
your not doing anything wrong.my 4 yr old daughter does the same thing and what we do with her is before we go in the store we tell her not to ask for anything and if she is good she will get a suprise.if she ask or acts up she gets nothing and when she gets home she gets one of her favorite toys taken away.if she is good then if the store has a bubble gum machine with the toys in it.if they have something age ok for him like my daughter is advanced so she usually get a ball or something.let him a quarter or 2 so he can feel like a big boy because he acted like one the whole time and let him pick a machine he wants something out of.but if you give in when he is bad and still let him get something it will never stop.but dont be mean about it just tell him.if you are good in the store the whole time and dont ask mommy or daddy for anything not even 1 thing you will get a suprise and when you say suprise he is gonna be excited just tell him through the store a couple times no asking and you get a suprise.this worked wonders for my little girl.hope it helps for you...Good Luck

I have 5 kids in 8 years and honestly never started buying them anything at grocery store, that way never had a temper tantrum in the store and yes I've gone shopping with them all. Once you get them use to them tht they can pick something and you buy it you wil have break them of that and will take some time and you have to be ready and willing to walk out of store. I did same thing for happy meals only bought on their birthday, otherwise dollar menu otherwise.

is there a reason that you have to bring him to the store to begin with?
can one of you stay at home with him until this phase passes?

Not sure if this will work with your son, but ever since my son was very young we've always told him that stores (especially toy stores) are for looking at things and playing with toys, but that you can't buy toys right then unless it's a gift for someone else. I know people may think it's wrong to lie, but we simply tell him that if he sees something he really likes we can put it on his list for his birthday or Christmas or a very special occasion, but the rules are that we can't buy it that same day. This has never failed us and my son is almost 4 and never makes a scene in a toy store or any other place where he may want to buy something, he knows the rules are you're not allowed. We basically tell him that those are the rules and if we ever do plan to get him something we only do it for something really special that he's done and we tell him before we go to the store that that's why we're going to the store, just for him, but it's just this one time for a special occasion. To be honest, this seldom happens because we don't want to fall into a bad habit. I know we took him to the toy store for something special after his first day of preschool. This has always worked for us but we also started very young so he never knew any differently.

Not sure if your son would mind if he wasn't able to go to the store when he misbehaves and maybe explaining to him ahead of time what is expected of him and when he misbehaves immediately leave the store. My son associates the toy store with a place to play with and look at toys he may not have, but he knows that if he acts up we leave the store immediately, which is punishment enough. Maybe start at a place that is fun for him to go to and let him know what is expected so if he acts up having to leave that store will be his punishment. Good luck!

That's some pretty extreme behavior! I've never had it that bad, but the standing rule with my kids when we go grocery shopping etc. is that they can each pick out 1 treat (like cookies or ice cream) IF THEY BEHAVE. If they do not behave, then they lose their treat. It took a couple of times to the store for them to get it, but since then it's worked great.

We have always used the "Put it on your list" strategy. It has worked for us. I do a combination of a lot of the ideas you have been given. We tell them "Ok, we can look at the toys, but we can't buy anything today." And when they find something they want and ask for, we always do the "Wow, that is cool! We better add that to your birthday list when we get home! Maybe Grandma(or whoever) can get that for you!"

The saving money up for it works too. Then they learn the value of a dollar. We have a sticker chart at home as well. They earn so many stickers for doing good or helpful things, and when they fill each row up, they get a prize(LOVE the dollar stores for this!). Chuck E Cheese if they fill the whole chart! I do agree with the other person who said that once in awhile, if they are with you, and have been really good, reward them for their good behavior by letting them pick something small out.

In the past if one of them acts up in the store, we then say "Ok, guess we arn't picking out a prize!" Then they change there tune and EARN it back. Good luck! Hopefully one of these things might help!

Discipline him very firmly for tantrums. Do not allow him to hit, scratch or throw fits. Give a warning of what will happen before you enter the store and follow through in the store or when you leave EVERY TIME. He'll stop. And obviously do not buy him the toys. Stick to it until he learns. If dad is there, he needs to be the leader with a boy. The first second he starts the behavior, have dad give a calm firm warning, and if he continues, have dad deliver the consequence immediately even if you have to leave the store to do it. He has gotten away with this before if he still does it, so it will be hard to break the habit but you can. If you cave even once he'll keep fighting for all his might for your weakness.

Do NOT bribe him with toys by giving them to him if he's good in the store. He will still be playing you for toys and teaching you that you have to pay him to be good. Demand a certain behavior and remove the toys from the equation. Only give him toys at times that have nothing to do with a discipline scenario.

This is more along the lines of 2 yr old behavior than 4 yr old...
I have a 8, 5, almost 3 , and almost born ... I also do day care. I can take any of them shopping and stand in the toy aisles doing nothing. HOW? Ever since birth or first time in a store I tell them If you ask the answer WILL be no. I have left the store already because a toddler was not behaving.

He is 4 and he is physical and verbal with the people who are supposed to be his discipliners. It will get worse unless you catch it now.

First... Are there any other issues that may be causing this? Disabilities, emotional issues etc?

If not then it will take work. It will take scheduleing shopping trips with back up. Mom AND dad both there. SO that when there is some acting up one or the other can deal with it. Take him to the car and let him have his tantrum until he is calm. DO NOT YELL AT HIM. Just let him scream until he realizes he's not winning. Stay solid and calm. Do not give in. NO means NO. NOW means NOW. etc. Take turns being the bosses. Whom ever is feeling the calmest should handle the melt down for that time. He needs to know the rules.

TELL him the rules BEFORE going in the store.

Have him do chores so he can earn his own money to pay for the pony ride at the end of the trip.... IF he behaved.

Pick up a small toy here or there and give it to him AFTER your home. I do not tell kids when and if I am buying things for them... You know if they are staring longingly at something and can usually distract them to throw it in the cart... But if they do not behave up to standards then that "suprize" gets stored away until they earn it.

Be prepared to leave things in stores and make several extra trips because of melt downs... But after not getting the rules to bend and break a few times he will get it.

'

I have a 3 1/2 year old who also does that quite often. He does it more with mom than with Dad. I am not sure what you do when he exhibits bad behavior at other times but I try to tell him that we don't act this way, that we don't have money to buy him everything he wants, and if he is a good boy in the stores for a while, then he can get a small something (?) As far as the scratching and telling you that he hates you, my son does that also, mostly says it to Dad, when he does not get his way. When he does that we usually threaten him with time out or put him in time out until he calms down, and we explain to him that we don' say that to people-

good luck -hope that helps- 3 and 4 is a tough age

Updated

I have a 3 1/2 year old who also does that quite often. He does it more with mom than with Dad. I am not sure what you do when he exhibits bad behavior at other times but I try to tell him that we don't act this way, that we don't have money to buy him everything he wants, and if he is a good boy in the stores for a while, then he can get a small something (?) As far as the scratching and telling you that he hates you, my son does that also, mostly says it to Dad, when he does not get his way. When he does that we usually threaten him with time out or put him in time out until he calms down, and we explain to him that we don' say that to people-

good luck -hope that helps- 3 and 4 is a tough age

Updated

I have a 3 1/2 year old who also does that quite often. He does it more with mom than with Dad. I am not sure what you do when he exhibits bad behavior at other times but I try to tell him that we don't act this way, that we don't have money to buy him everything he wants, and if he is a good boy in the stores for a while, then he can get a small something (?) As far as the scratching and telling you that he hates you, my son does that also, mostly says it to Dad, when he does not get his way. When he does that we usually threaten him with time out or put him in time out until he calms down, and we explain to him that we don' say that to people-

good luck -hope that helps- 3 and 4 is a tough age

You must "pre-set" him. Before you even get in the car, tell him you are going shopping, and that today we are only buying groceries (or what ever). If he doesn't throw a tantrum, praise his behavior. Maybe another time, you may be shopping at the Dollar Store, tell him he may pick out one thing that he wants. You must set limits. He'll get the message.

Every child is different keep that in mind. I would take him out of the store the minute he starts to have a hissy fit. I know this is hard if you are by yourself. If you have the dad with you then who ever tells him no,needs to take him out the store when he starts to flip out. I would also may be do something at home where he could earn some monies to buy something himself. If there is something special he wants tell him he can earn it by helping do some things at home. Once he earns enough money take him back to the store and let him pay for it himself.