4Yr. Old Afraid of Going to the Restroom in Public Places

This isn't a help response to your question, but I am experiencing the same problem with my 4 yr old son. He sometimes poops in his clothes at daycare and his teacher came at me like it was my fault. She told me that all the kids in her class were potty trained and I told her that he doesn't have a problem using the bathroom at home. I am going to print this and show it to his teacher when he goes back to school on Monday. Thank you for putting this out. I was starting to think it was me.

I do not know how you will approach this, but it sounds like someone either child or teacher may have locked your child in and caused that fear. Have you tried asking if anything has happened?
Is the restroom in the classroom? If not, it could be that the children went to the bathrooms unsupervised and children play in the bathroom and could have locked the door.
I left a particular Day Care because things like this goes on.
My child was a victim when he went to the restroom, a certain little boy would follow all the other boys and go in the same stall with them. My son was crying and tried to tell the boy to get out so he can use the bathroom.
Try and sit down with your child,explain they are not in trouble, just want to see why they are afraid to go to the bathroom.

Of course, like I did, LEAVE THE DAYCARE.

WOW -- THIS IS SERIOUS.

Let's be practical....She's fine at home and continues to drink and use the potty #1 and #2 at home? The behavior began at daycare and spread to other public, less controlled/safe places? What would I do?????

LEAVE THE DAYCARE, if that's where the behavior began -- "what happened" is secondary to her comfort level and behavior. It really sounds like an action triggered this, and the fear spread. She's 4 for pete's sake.

LEAVE THE DAYCARE for your daughter's wellbeing because she has been avoiding using the restroom and hurting herself at her own expense. Something or someone hurt her.

and, LEAVE THE DAYCARE for your daughter's sanity because until you know FOR SURE that nothing happened there, your child is not safe and is fearful daily.

You can easily find another similarly priced and convenient daycare at qualitychildcareforchildren.org -- you cannot easily make this better for your daughter in the current situation.

Once she's in a new daycare a week or so, if the behavior reverses, try to talk to her about what happened -- now she will not fear being "found out" by someone for talking to you. Was it a child bullying or locking her in or constantly accompanying her without leaving her alone? Was it a substitute or new teacher she was fearful of for some reason? Did they use a "seclusion/time-out room" and lock her in? Did something happen "in public" or while they were on a fieldtrip or with a stranger in that "setting"? Teachers are great but cannot be there all the time to see what happens.

If she continues the behavior a month after leaving the daycare, perhaps see a child psychologist, or see if there are other "triggers." This really hits a personal note, as I was abused by a care provider when I was 5 -- I was so scared of being punished for not keeping "our little secret" I still remember that talk with my mother today.

I'm so sorry to hear of your daughter's fear -- it makes you feel so terribly alone and uncomfortable, and then to have developed such great fear over a necessary, unstoppable body function... I'm sure you can help her!

Have you considered that she may be a little clausterphobic? I noticed that the anxiety is happening in changing rooms and other areas as well as the bathroom. So maybe it's not really a "bathroom" issue but a "closed-in" issue. Just a thought. Good Luck!

I agree with Julie something has happened to trigger this best to move on. Find a place that helps her feel safe later she will tell you. I had a bad situation with a sitter once, once I took my kids out of there my 5 yr old was able months later to tell me what was going on.