4Th Grade Field Trip Out of Town 3 Days... and All Parents Can't Come???

Since you already have another trip planned, I would have her not attend the school field trip due to medical reasons, that you don't have to disclose and still attend the trip that you have already planned.

under the circumstances you mentioned, yes. However, I can't believe they would deny under these medical circumstances.
Also, good luck to these moms/teachers who think they can throw this thing together and think one month head's up is going to settle well with all the other families in the class. . .

I am getting stressed about the timeline and I am not involved - LOL.

I would not send my child to any function where I was not welcome. Whatever their reasoning is irrelevant. IMO, 4th grade is just too young for that. Many children that age are still getting used to sleepovers in town, with friends. Overnight field trips without the parent.... I just can't imagine.

I have also never known a "field trip" where the organizers wouldn't be grateful for an extra adult willing to chaperone and pay their own way. If they don't jump at the offer, there is NO WAY I'd send my child as these people are not just unorganized, but UNsmart, with at least a little dash of crazy.

Well, with all things being equal, my simple answer to your question is yes, if the teacher & principal told me I personally couldn't attend with my child on a short notice 3 day, 2 night trip out of town, I would absolutely keep my 9 or 10 year old home & that's WITHOUT all of the extra medical issues you deal with. Maybe I'm crazy, or maybe it's because my husband is a cop, but there is no way in hell I would send a kid that young away without me for that length of time unless it was something like a long weekend getaway with a family friend I've known for years. Otherwise, I can't think of a single instance where an elementary school aged kid needs something like that.

Medical issues or no there is no way my child would go on a 3 day field trip with a bunch of people I barely know. . . . .stick with your original plans! (I have a 9yo as well)

To answer your question, I have a daughter in 4th grade (with no medical issues) and I would keep her home from a 3 day trip if I couldn't go with her. That is too long for 9 year-olds to be away from home. My daughter has never even been on a sleepover at a friends house because she doesn't want to be away from us at night.

I think you should keep your child home and go on the other trip that you planned to go on with her.

My kids would NOT be going. I wouldn't even think twice about it. We'd go do something more amazing during that time.

I think kids in 4th grade are too young to be doing that...and for it to be planned and not tell you about it? I'd be HOT to say the least.

If my child was going on a 4th grade trip and I was not allowed to go, she and I would be planning our own trip! There is NO WAY I would allow this to happen and I am not even overprotective!

Disorganized, unthoughtful, exclusionary and unsafe only begins to describe this situation.

I"m confused by the whole nature and arrangement of this "field trip" that's only six weeks away. From the way you described it, it is not a school-sponsored, planned field trip that you knew about from the start of the school year, it's something extra that the teacher and some parents have planned -- but they did not ask other parents if their kids could go, before starting to make plans? It sounds almost like a private little trip for just the teacher and some selected students and those students' parents, with others coming if they find out about it!

The "they're waiting until they finalize hotel rooms" statement given to you sounds ALL wrong; if you're planning a school trip, you survey possible participants to see who can go and THEN you arrange the hotel rooms....You don't "finalize" rooms first!

I would really get to the bottom of what this trip is. I wonder if some moms who are tight with each other and/or whose kids are pals came up with what may be a good idea but didn't think at all about whether everyone could participate. (In other words, they might have had good intentions but didn't consider others' schedules, finances or the fact that this all appears slapdash and gives an impression that a few select kids/parents are behind it, rather than the school being behind it.)

I know the moms say they're going to cover the costs for those with money issues -- but frankly that's just not how you do things in a school setting. The school, not individual parents, should cover the costs of kids who cannot afford to go. What these parents are proposing makes other families feel "beholden" to them -- how would any of us act knowing that other parents in the class paid our way because we couldn't? Even if it's done confidentially, the parents with money issues will know that other parents paid their kids' way. The school should have a fund already in place to pay for field trips etc. for kids with financial issues. Ours does.

And not allowing other parents to come -- well, not all parents can come on all field trips or it would get huge. With any well organized field trip, you should either have a lottery where you draw interested parents' names from a hat to chaperone, or you have some other fair way to decide who the chaperones will be. And of COURSE you should be able to go because of your child's condition. Any parent with a child with medical issues should be able to attend.

I really question whether the school administration has given the official green light to this field trip, or if the teacher is doing this on her own. Maybe the fact this is a private school is at play here -- but in our public school, a field trip supposedly for a whole class would never be allowed to be arranged in this way.

If your daughter's looking forward to the other trip already planned, take her on that one. Tell her you were already booked for it before this field trip was planned or made public to parents. Give her a fantastic weekend.

I'm no expert, as my oldest is only 5 so I haven't had to deal with that yet, but it all sounds like total b.s. to me. That would make me angry. I would go with what I'd applied for if I was selected. I wouldn't want to be with a little gaggle of moms and a teacher that keep things "secret" so they don't have to include everyone else. That sounds like a clique, and very "4th grade" to me. They need to be adults...I can't respect a clique of adults planning something and keeping it secret so it's "just them". It's either for the school, or it's not. I would go on the other trip, or TAKE a trip somewhere, but I wouldn't put my child in that situation. There's not going to be hour long baths and special (or any) relaxing on a stay-away trip with a handful of girls in the room. It's just not going to happen. And if the adults on the trip are like what I'm imagining, I wouldn't tell them your daughter's medical issues either.

I would skip the school field trip and continue with my original plans.
LBC

Yep. Totally see your concern. I've taught in the classroom, and this whole thing would bother me. I agree, talk to the teacher and get the skinny about the whole thing. 6 weeks is not enough time to let parents know about an overnight trip (kinda crazy anyway, if you ask me).

Once you know all the details, then make your decision. Don't cancel your other trip until you know. Going on your personal trip sounds much better, anyway. I would also NOT share too many things about your daughter's medical situation. Sounds like private teacher would share this information with other cliquey moms.....not something your kid needs, especially if she's dealt with bullying at other schools.

All I think of when I hear this (besides being worried about my kid on a trip like this) is a gaggle of unsupervised girls in a hotel, running amuck. Not only is it dangerous for the girls, but super annoying to other hotel guests. (We've dealt with this situation with very rude groups of athletes (of all ages) in the past and trying to get our kids to bed....but I digress.)

Let us know what you find out. So curious how they think this ok.

Does the teacher or school know whats going on with your child? they may make an exception for you or might have someone dedicated to just him/her to make sure your child feels comfortable and do all the techniques you do. You could ask your child if they would rather do the overnight trip or the educational weekend. I would talk to the teacher now and let them know whats going on and that way if they won't accommodate you, you could still do the educational weekend.
I would want my child to go if someone wouldn't mind accommodating his needs. If he couldn't go, then I would make a weekend just about him and do all the fun things he would want so that way hes not too disappointed.

I would just send her to the educational weekend. The teacher and school haven't been very professional about the field trip by not giving much warning about it. I think a 4th grade class is to young to plan an overnight field trip, some kids won't be emotionally ready to be away from there families for an overnight trip.

What a crazy situation for you! I'd be more than a little overwhelmed, if I were you. So much to think about!

I would try to make a list of your questions and concerns, but listen to what the principal and teacher have to say. It's very possible there is more to it than what the M. has told you, so you just want to hear what they've got in mind.

I have trouble believing that they would take your daughter's situation lightly. I would guess that most schools would find a way for you to come as well. If I were in charge of the trip, I would absolutely want to have you join, because that is just too personal for a young girl of that age. She needs her mommy!

I know you've got lots of questions and "what if's" going on in your head right now ... I would to. Try to put as many down on paper so that when you talk to the teacher and/or principal, you are able to do so in a very straight forward, matter-of-fact way with as little emotion as possible. I'm sure that they will do there best to address your concerns and really try to find a reasonable solution.

Good luck!

Omg Crazyness. If your a teacher you are certifed to be around kids so say you want to be one of the helpers for this trip because of your daughters med condition. They should make room for one more helper because of that.

Well it seems horribly organized so that's the number 1 reason my child would NOT be going. They obviously have NO idea what they're doing. The fact they anticipate taking a bunch of 4th graders out of town without parents shows they totally lack judgment which is the number 2 reason my child wouldn't be going.

Sounds like your school is very disorganized and unprofessional. Our 5th grade students go on a two-night three-day trip every spring, but it is on the school calendar at the beginning of the year and parents have multiple communications about it throughout the year.

Our school also works with parents whose children have disabilities. They would most certainly let a parent go if needed. How could your child go if you don't? It sounds like she has serious problems. I wouldn't go at all if I were you.

Our daughter had UTIs when she was young and this is not normal. I didn't realize it until our pediatrician spoke to me further. She needs to see a specialist to be treated for this type of infection which can cause further problems with kidneys. Our daughter was placed on macrodantin for a few years, once a day and yea! no more UTIs. She outgrew the problem where a little tube had a reflux issue and wouldn't fully empty her bladder.

On the matter of the school trip.. With her needs, simple - if you go, she goes, if you stay home/so does she. We live in a great area with wonderful schools, however the principal has boldly addressed the issue of school trips and has limited them because of the economy. If the parents and kids want to do something on their own for a weekend and even miss some school, go for it! But it's not a "school" trip, it's some moms planning a fun trip with their kids and inviting friends. If it has educational value, the principal will allow you to submit a form and will excuse those days missed from school, but the class work must be caught up quickly.

I don't know that I would keep my child home but with your daughter's medical issues, I would consider if it I could not come along. How/Why would they wait to announce a trip until after rooms are confirmed...what would they do if they had a bunch of parents that said no (not due to money but do to not being ok w/ the time away for the trip considering their age or other things already planned)? I say, get some more info and then if you would like to go and they are willing to let you pay for your own room, then I would go. If not, keep your original plans.

Under normal circumstances (no health issues) I would have no problem letting my 4th grader go without me. He already loves going to overnight camp on his own (started at the end of 2nd grade). However, given the health issues you described I think you be right in passing on the trip if they disallow you. However, I do think you owe your daughter an opportunity to participate in making the decision. This year might be too soon due to all the other changes you described, but you should start to look for opportunities for her to be on her own and learn to manage her health and anxiety independently (ex. summer camp for kids with health issues). It will allow her to gain confidence and with confidence comes strength.

I would have some concerns about how this school trip has been planned in secret. School calendars are generally set before the start of the school year for a reason. I would not feel obligated to participate and I doubt they will have anywhere near 100% participation. Probably easiest not to cancel your other plans.

I never went on any band trips or choir trips where parents weren't encouraged to help out by coming along. We had rooms to ourselves of course but there were parents in about every other room.

I would not like being told I could not go if I really wanted to.

This sounds like something I would say sorry, it isn't something we can do. I would also tell them that we had been excepted to a different program that was by selection. Seems like they need to have some sort of advance rules.

You can't just tell parents "Oh, by the way, have your kids ready on Friday when they come to school. We are taking them out of town until Monday".

They need to have scheduled activities and trips months in advance. I agree that things do come up but those should be where they can attend if they want to. That way the planned trips are on the schedule months ahead of time and the spur of the moment things can be done at will.

I would say no, we already have plans for XXXXX, sorry you can't attend with us.

Yes, if I could not accompany my daughter I would keep her home. It's a no-brainer.

I would not belabor the point with the school either. Either I go along or she doesn't go. I would not get into extensive explanations and/or hand-wringing. She has special needs that are no one else's business.

JMO.

Not every parent is ready to send their child on a 3 night trip without them. It's like sleepaway camp, not everyone would send a 9 year old. However, when you send your child to sleepaway camp, which some kids go to at that age, parents do not go along! It's unrealistic to expect that every parent can chaperone a field trip. If your child has a DOCUMENTED medical issue, you may get to go along, but otherwise, many parents might like to go and it's not realistic for every child to have a parent with them. You have to decide whether you want your child on this trip without you, and that is entirely your decision to make. You may want to go on the trip you originally had planned. Good luck

It's a very long story, but we had a similar situation when my oldest was in 4th grade, and we elected not to send him. We took him on a family trip during the same time and he was fine with it. It was educational and fun. I'm hoping everything will go more smoothly when my youngest reaches 4th grade.

I hope you get a positive response from the teacher/principal. Let us know how it goes.

I would probably keep her home under those circumstances and this might not be possible based on what you've described about the school and the trip, but here's another scenario: my son's elementary school did a similar trip in 5th grade and parents were not allowed. He had a girl in his class with some medical, behavorial and emotional challenges. I don't know the details, but part of her issues required her to wear a pull-up instead of underwear. She went on the trip without a parent, but the school nurse also attended the trip and she roomed with the school nurse. Good luck.

I've never heard of an over night field trip for elementary students.
Even the middle school where we are doesn't do trips that take more than 1 day.
The high school marching band has a few trips for competitions and they are highly organized and parental involvement is very high (the marching band has over 400 members)..
As it was, last year field trips for all grades were cancelled due to budget problems.
Plan your own trip with your child and forget this disorganized trip with the school.

When we first got to Germany the elementary school talked about a week long trip to Austria during school. My son didn't get to go. But by the time all the arrangements were completed my daughter went for a week with several classes and no parents.

It was great that they got to do something on their own and were able to have a great memory of skiing on the Alps and going to some of the great cities nearby. They had a lesson plan to do in the youth hostel that required writing letters home to let family know what was going on. Daughter still talks about the mountains and skylifts at 35. Another time I went with daughter and was given 3 three girls to chaperone and we went in and out of Austria for a week. On that trip there were four moms and two dads that attended for the class.

Sometimes you have to weigh the consequences of the trips. It would be nice to go with the class but with your daughter having such medical issues I would not go. Keep the other trip and enjoy. You will have times when you want to do things with your daughter that you can't and it is not a reflection on you it is on her ability to cope with her life. Your teaching credentials maybe a great asset but it is not in this situation.

Life is not fair. Don't beat yourself up over this it is just the luck of the draw.

The other S.

PS I wouldn't say clickish it maybe that they are still working on the details and trying to get a good price for the whole trip before they announce it.

I don't think it sounds clique-ish or exclusionary at all. It sounds normal. But I've grown up with Girl Scouts and schools that had class trips similar to this all the time. Parents were never allowed to go except for a couple of volunteer chaperones. In addition to the reasons already mentioned, there's always a concern of limited space during transportation as well as when reserving sleeping accommodations. Since they've already been working on the arrangements for a while now it might not necessarily be easy for them "just add" a parent to the mix as legitimate as your daughter's needs are.

They're not trying to exclude you or your daughter to be snobbish or rude. These are moms and a teacher, correct? Well, the teacher isn't allowed to reveal your daughter's medical issues and during the planning I'm sure she had no idea the lengths you need to go through to accommodate her. During planning, they're planning for the most common concerns and issues that they can think of.

Just explain calmly and rationally about the situation and how you'd like to help accommodate your daughter for the trip. If they can't fit you in, then keep your daughter home.

I'm a girl scout troop leader and generally, we do not allow parents to go on field trips with us. The reason is because with parents around it becomes way too chaotic and difficult to keep up with all of our girls. So I DO understand why parents would not be invited.

That said, I have one child on my troop who has a medical condition- not serious, but a similar situation to what you described. On our three-day camping trip in May, we are allowing her mother to accompany us so that she can assist her daughter with her needs. I see absolutely no harm in that.

I wouldn't get so worked up about this until you talk to the teacher, I would bet that it won't be a problem for you to go.

Our local public elementary schools do two trips, in fourth grade it's a one night overnight in the gold country (ties in to the California history unit) and in fifth grade it's a two/three night overnight at the ocean (studying marine life and environmental issues.) It's on the calendar from the first day of school and it is optional. Of course many parents want to go but there is a limited number of spaces so names are drawn, lottery style. Also if a parent has attended in the past with another child they are not allowed to go again. The whole point is to make it as fair as possible for all the parents.
In your case, and with your daughter's medical issue, I would simply not let her go if you are unable to attend. I don't see any other option, I hope they accommodate you!

I'm sorry, I don't entirely understand the story.

However, since your daughter has reasons for needing you to be there, I can't imagine the school forbidding it. Go ahead and tell them you will be getting your own room and will be there. I have a feeling it won't be a problem.

Have fun!