4 Yr Old Refusing to Go Potty in the Middle of the Night

Its too young to expect him to have FULL control at night.
Night-time control and dryness does not occur until between 5-7 years old.

My daughter, still used night time diapers until 5 years old.
AND, we use water-proof bed pads under her, just in case she has accidents.

A child WILL have accidents. GUARANTEED.

If you wake him to go to the toilet in the middle of the night, it is disconcerting... and they will not get a good sleep. Boys also train later, than girls.

Daytime and night-time 'control' and training are 2 DIFFERENT things. Night-time control takes longer.

Being that it is just a developmental and biological/physiological origin.... motivators/punishments won't work. It just frustrates the child... or humiliates them because they cannot be 'perfect' about it, yet. Please, do not expect 'perfection' about this. MANY MANY MANY kids, still use a diaper at night... even Kindergarteners. Because they are not at the age where it is fully mastered yet.

He is still too young, for this 'perfection' and mastery. It is all about the physiological and emotional and just plain developmental age appropriate functions.

Night time 'dryness' cannot be 'won'.... it cannot be created or forced by rewards/punishments. It is either the child can or cannot hold it.

ALSO, my daughter at her age, still has pee accidents at night sometimes, because she just sleeps SO SO soundly. AND she even told us once that she had a dream that she WAS on the toilet... and then she felt herself get wet. But NO big deal... we have a waterproof bed pad under her. No fret. I just get up, put a new pad under her, she changes pajamas, and back to bed. No punishment, no scolding, no nothing. It's not worth it. She couldn't help it. It's not her fault... she doesn't do it on purpose, she doesn't do it to irk me, she isn't doing it to be 'naughty', she isn't even fully aware that she had an accident until its too late. But sometimes, she will get up to go pee. Not usually. But she can be dry the whole night. It varies EACH night. Each night is different. But it's all based on age and maturity and biological development...which cannot be rushed, before it's time.
All the best,
Susan

S.,

Sorry, I don't have any tips, just wanted to let you know that most kids don't stay dry at night until the ages of 5-7. Some do began to stay dry during the toilet learning age but most do not. Daytime and nightime potty training are different. Mine are 6 and 3.5 and wear pull ups, although my daughter (6yo) has been staying dry so I may have her start wearing underwear. Just make sure you have a plastic cover on the mattress and clean sheets on hand at all times. Usually 7 days in a row of staying dry means they are ready to wear underwear at night. I've read that waking them up to potty during the night isn't good, it interrupts their sleep which they really need at this age. If he's not ready, he's not ready.

Best wishes,
M.

I don't have any motivational techniques or advice, just that it took our DS until he was 5-1/2 years old to finally be dry through the night and get up on his own to go potty. Until that time, he wore nighttime pull-ups. We would try, every once in a while, to go without, but it never took and he asked to go back and wear them. I hear boys typically take longer to nighttime train. Good luck!

I wonder if he is kicking and screaming because you are waking him up from his sleep. I know that my kids do not receive a good reception when they crawl into my bed at night and try to wake me up because they're awake and why can't mommy be as well. Not only am I not a very nice person to them at that point in time, but they end up with a very cranky mommy the next day.

As for the toileting at night issue, I've always been under the understanding that once you notice that your child is staying dry through the night, say over the course of a week or two, that is when you know that your child no longer needs pull ups at night. Before that, he's just not physiologically ready to make that final leap. That's not to say that he won't ever have an accident in the middle of the night after that, but it will be a rare occurence.

Believe me, I totally understand your desire to only have to buy diapers or pull ups for one child, but let your son sleep. He really needs it right now and, I bet, so do you. There will come a time, maybe in the not too distant future, when he will stay clean and dry through the night and it will take absolutely no effort on your part at all for that to happen.

Hi S., My second child a son ( now grown) was potty trained at 19 months, but around age 4 he started wetting the bed, I think in your case your son was feeling secure at night becasue you kept diapers on him which tells a child it's OK to pee on yourself at night but not during the day, it confusses them, once I took my tots out of diapers that was it, no diapers at nap time or night time, thats part of being potty trained, with my son he was afraid to get up in the middle of the night to go,even though I had night lights on, so I told my son when you can go a whole week and staying dry I would take him to toy's r us and he could pick out a toy so he started waking his brother up once a night to go to the bathroom with him, and problem was solved. with some kids it is just plain lazyness. J. L