4 Yr Old (Almost 5 Yr Old) Peeing and Pooping in Her Underwear!!

First, stop the yelling. It doesn't accomplish anything except shaming your daughter. She could just be really interested in what she is doing and can't break away to go to the BR. However, kids often regress in their toileting habits when the are under stress. Is there a new baby in the house? Are you and your husband fighting more, causing more tension in the home? Not to alarm you, but is it possible that she is being sexually abused by a caregiver, stranger, or family member? If none of these are happening, then start a rewards chart. Each day she doesn't soil herself (or each half day) put a star/sticker on a calendar. If she is clean for a week, she gets a small reward. After a month, she gets a larger reward.
If these measures don't help, see the pediatrician to see if there is a physical problem. Then have an evaluation by a child psychologist/psychiatrist to help understand the reasons for the behavior.

A little about me. A child psychiatrist in practice 20 years, married with two children, 21 and 15.

I'd make sure that she has no medical problems – be sure she CAN feel when she needs to poop or pee. There are conditions (one serious one is called encopresis, and it's not uncommon in this age group) that actually numb the nerves, and a child can poop or pee without noticing she has to go.

But assuming she's healthy and just being too distracted or excited to stop and use the bathroom, here's an approach that may give you just the help you need: http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

The incidents you mention seem to indicate that she is so busy with other things that she either doesn't notice when she needs to go, or simply is reluctant to take the time out to go. This isn't an unusual reaction for a child her age. You might just want to take notice of those kinds of times and activities, and be more alert to giving her little reminders.

Don't yell, be very matter-of-fact and have her "own" it. Tell her if she wants to "forget" and continue playing or doing what she is doing when she needs to go that SHE will clean and change herself. Have her undress and "wash" her dirty undies and other wet/pooped clothing she has in the sink or shower, (there's a pink bar detergent soap called Zote she can use), put her poop in the toilet and flush it because "that's where poop goes", get in the shower to wash herself off, and change into clean clothes. Tell her that she will do this each and every time she "forgets," she has to take care of things herself. (If you clean up after her do NOT let her see you doing it.) Also take away her cute undies and put her in plain white trainers, "pretty undies are for when you stop going in your pants and use the potty/toilet."

Once she sees the time involved (d r a g it out) that takes her away from other things and loses the privilege of cute panties she will more than likely rethink her behavior quickly. BTW, this advice was given by my nephew's pediatrician when he "forgot" to go while playing at the age of nearly 5, it took him only two times of the new routine to get him to stop messing in his pants, he absolutely hated missing out on playing and going back to "baby underwear." He never had any accidents once he started school, either.

hang in there!

Hi-- I know how frustrated you are.. we are finally getting our 4yr old potty trained and it was a terrible ordeal because he 'withholds' all the time and has had major constipation issues b/c of it. But, what we learned from a book was priceless. The basics are this: they are old enough to know simple things but not too much info at once. You tell her, "Your poop and pee want to go in the potty... that is where they belong" and "You are in control of your poop/pee.. your body will tell you if you need to go". Put all the control on them and then when they have an accident just clean it up matter-of-factly. Don't make a big deal about it. They will decide that they want to do it the right way b/c it feels better in their pants, and b/c other kids do it that way.
Does she go to school at all? Our son goes to preschool 2x a week and that has helped with seeing other kids go potty and say that they need to go. He still has some accidents but once we stopped getting mad at him and trying to explain too much he started to really "get it". Now when he has an accident I just say "woops, your poop really wanted to make it in the potty" and "next time when your body tells you that you need to go, come tell mommy or just run to the potty!" I know there are going to be slip-ups and I"m just sorry yours are happening after such success for so long... good luck and I hope it doesn't last long!

It sounds to me like she just doesn't want to stop what she's doing to go.

What I would do is when she goes in her pants, make her clean everything up herself (to the best of her ability) and then she has to go to her room for 30 minutes. If she has to miss out longer because she didn't use the bathroom, then she will find it worth her wild to stop and go to the potty when she has to go.

that does sound odd and although i truly dont have an answer besides keep your cool as much as you can and continue to enforce what you have been all along..i wish you luck.