4 Years Old Way Too Attached to Mom

I would sit down and play with my kids and then after 5 minutes get up and start cleaning. Eventually they would play longer and longer by themselves. Now that I have 3 they kind of play with each other with frequent mom stops for cuddles then back to playing.

Enjoy this time together! Your girl is able to play with her friends, it just sounds like she wants your attention when other adults are around. This is very normal. My son did this for a time at this age, too. He's six now and we have a family friend visiting-- he's doing so much better at waiting to have a turn to talk and giving me space to have conversations.

One thing you can do is this-- every time she waits patiently for your attention, give her positive thankful feedback. "Sweetie, I saw you waiting for me and how you let Auntie finish talking first. Thanks so much. Now, what do you want to tell me?"

The other thing I have done is taught my son hand signals to address him when he begins to interrupt or wants my attention. (I did this with my preschoolers too.) Hand signals are a great method of correcting those interruptions because we aren't really allowing it to disrupt our conversations. If I am listening to someone and he starts talking, I put up my pointer finger for "just a minute" and then when I'm ready for him to talk, then I will point at him. When I taught the kids I'd say "this finger means 'just a minute, I need to finish' and then I'll listen to *you* (this is when I point at the child wanting my attention)." Works like a charm if you are consistent and don't verbally correct "now, sweetie, I'm trying to talk to so-and-so", which gives the child the direct attention they desire. It teaches them delayed gratification, which is good, too. Be patient.:) She'll do better at this as she's older if you provide consistency and clear loving guidance.

She's only 4, I don't think there's a problem. You should enjoy the cuddles now, they get fewer as they get older.

I have an only child who is the same way...but I've never viewed it as a problem. She is now 10, and has no problem with slumber parties, sleepovers, etc. She still always wants to be next to me....I enjoy our time together.

I was going to say just enjoy it while it lasts but its bothering your husband. If your husband were doing something that you were encouraging him not to with her you would want him to be respectful. Start to back off and have cuddle times. Like in the morning after lunch or at nap at bed time or when she gets hurt or needs it. All day cuddling is excessive. Give her projects to do with out you . If you can afford a moms day out or play dates where the moms go on the patio and the kids play with in view but not so hands on. Allow her to do some chores with you. Have 15 mins of play time set aside for her in her room and build up to 30 mins play time in her room by herself. Hope this helps. It also helps to have a little friend to distract her if you could baby sit for a friend one after noon a week.

There is nothing wrong with cuddling and having a loving relationship. I have an only child, a son, who is 5 and we love to spend time together. But, your daughter is old enough to play by herself and old enough to understand that she is being rude when getting angry that you give someone else attention. As for playing, tell her you will play with her for 10 minutes (or whatever) give her a 1 minute warning. Then stop and do what you need to do. If she cries or whatever tell her that you can not play with her again until she stops crying and respects the rules. As for making a jealous scene, this can not be tolerated, especially when speaking to another adult. This will require practice at home and establishing personal boundaries. You are not at her beck and call and it will help her in the long run.

I don't think you can over-cuddle or over-love a child!

The only issue I see here is her interrupting you or being jealous when your attention is elsewhere. My SD was like this, she did not play alone, always had to have someone with her to play, got jealous if her mom or dad had their attention elsewhere. She did grow out if it, especially because they would tell her that they were having "grownup time" and to "go play." Then they would set her up with something to do and leave her to play.

It's hard when your child is an only child and is very social. I think your child is JUST FINE, she is social, she likes company, she is warm and loving.

Just put down some ground rules when you are conversing with adults. Let her know it's not okay to interrupt, and that you need Grownup Time too.

I also agree that at home you can set her up with something to do, play with her for 5-10 minutes, then teach her how to play alone. You might have to give her instructions on what to do.

We sometimes think that everything comes naturally to kids. It doesn't always! With my SD she needed projects to do, or directions. Playing alone can be boring or lonely. My SD did well with craft projects. I would show her how to do it, then she would try, then I'd leave her alone to create.

They have wonderful easy craft projects for 4-year olds!

Good luck!

My youngest who is now 10 was like this. She was so attached to me and I really did not know how she would do when she went to school without me. We did everything together and I nursed her until she was 3yo. Well she ended up being so self assured and confident.
FYI...although my daughter is 10 she still likes to cuddle and still holds my hand when we are walking down the board walk or at an amusement park etc.

Enjoy your daughter. She sounds precious and you sound like such a sweet mom😊. Do not "detach" her from you. Trust me she will do this by herself way sooner than you think.

I think you are saying that your child is jealous of time you spend with other people, like when you are talking to someone else. I also think that you are saying that when she is with her grandparents or other people she is close to, that she doesn't pay attention to you, but pays attention to them. SO... she is never alone no matter whether she is with you or them. Am I right?

It is normal for a child to be jealous. My kids never liked me to talk on the phone. It would get on my nerves so much when they'd be playing great, and as soon as they saw me get on the phone, it was "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" One of my friend's children used to say "No talk, Mommy!" if his mother talked to anyone. He was 3.

You don't have to detach from her, but you do have to be tough with her when she fusses at you for talking to someone. Don't allow bad behavior. Put her in her room in a time out if she is rude. You have to teach her not to do this. If she wants to sit with you, that's fine. But she has to stop fussing. She'll learn if you give her a consequence.

some kids are just like that. my oldest can go a month with out seeing me and be fine but my 6 year old is alot like your little one she wants to be on my lab or cuddled up with me. if my hubby and i are going to the same place but driving seprate she always rides with me. now with that being said she will go off and play alone but my oldest wont! she has to have some one interact with her all the time. i say shes fine just make sure shes getting around other people besides you

Your daughter doesn't need you to play with her every minute of the day. It's up to us to walk away from our kids and teach them to entertain themselves. My kids got baby gated into their rooms when they were toddlers for short periods of time to play on their own.
Is your daughter a young four or 4 1/2 or almost 5 and heading to kindergarten in a couple of months? At 4, it's time for preschool or playgroup or mom's morning out. If she's heading off to school, she needs to adjust to not having all of this cuddling, there isn't cuddling at school. Set her up with an activity and walk away to do other things. If she pursues you, let her know that you have other things to do.
I'm sure that you can work toward finding a happy medium. Good luck

There is nothing wrong with being close to your child, however, your daughter does need to learn a little independence. If she is four, that means she will start school soon. Think of how scared she will be if you don't teach her some independence now.

There is no reason why you have to do every little thing with her. Just thinking about it exhausts me! Get her started, and then tell her to continue on while you wash some dishes, or fold clothes or whatever. Leave her in a room alone for a few minutes at a time. And do a Mother's Day Out on a regular basis so she can learn that it's okay for you to leave and that you will come back.

I also wonder if this is not an "only" thing. My daughter was like yours in that if she was doing something without me, that was fine. But I was not supposed to do anything, even have a conversation, without her. If she went to a sleepover, no problem. But, if she thought I was going to go out while she was gone, that was another story.