4 Year Old with Learning Problems

Contact the Child Find Team in the county you live in. They can test her for learning disabilities and develop a program for her through the public school system. Best of all it is free.

She is 3. Ever hear of the terrible 3's? My son skipped the terrible 2's so the terrible 3's was a bit of a shock when it happened. Letter / number recognition happens typically in kindergarten/first grade. I would say it's a bit premature to say she has learning issues at this point. There's a broad range for what passes for normal. There's no question she's jealous of her baby sister and her losing of her place as the youngest. It's hard leaning to become a big sister. Also, she behaves the worst for you because she trusts you the most to be her real self with. It's weird, but true. My son would be good as gold all day at day care then save all the crying for when I got him home. It was his way of relieving the stresses of his day. It's a compliment really but very hard for a grownup to see it that way. Try to fit in some quality one on one time with your eldest. She's still your baby even though she's not your only baby anymore. For my son, I would get him on my lap and rock him for awhile in the rocking chair and sing to him while he was calming down. At 3 and 4 it's typical to become frustrated at not being able to communicate how you feel and be understood even without brothers and sisters to compete with. She wants attention very badly, and being naughty is one way of getting some.

If you would like to help her with her numbers and letters, I recommend just sticking with some alphabet refrigerator magnets or foam bath letters, etc. Then you can say, "I just dropped the 'B,' can you pick it up?" or, "Can you bring me the blue 'R' from near the handle on the refrigerator? That's my favorite color. Would you like to hold the orange 'J'?" Those sorts of questions that don't put a lot of pressure on her to find the right letter (or give hints like color). It's also fun to make yourself a "living computer" -- if she hands you a letter you can make the phonetic sound -- so when she hands you the M you make a "mmmm" sound, etc. (turn it upside down and make a "wuh-wuh" sound), or you can pick up letters and do that yourself. I found that sign language letters also help, especially because you can sign the letters at the same time you're sounding out a word, so she can see even better the letter-to-sound correspondence. When she's finally ready to do something like Leapfrog, she might prefer to do it hiding under a blanket so she doesn't get the pressure of your praise or judgment, which she can probably read in just your expression. Spend the most amount of time working on the letters in her name, your name, family members' names, and friends' names. I like to write the names in marker on a cereal box (in between all the other words) and ask my kids to point out the names. Even my 18-month-old can recognize the names of most of her family members, it's wild! And if she is getting bored with the books you have at home, get MORE books, from the library, used book stores, wherever. I've found that any boredom with books is easily compensated by checking out LOTS and LOTS of books from the library! You really can't have too many. I'd be happy to send you a really great list of books that your 4 year old will love and your baby will find interesting to look at too.

For the fits -- the bottom line is, she wants to feel positive attention from you, and a lot of it. But she doesn't always know how to get it. If she is starting to show signs of having a tantrum, start talking about attention. I call positive attention "warm fuzzies" and negative attention "cold pricklies" (I didn't make this up, it's a children's book called TA for Tots, but there might be a different original source). "Are you trying to get cold pricklies by having a tantrum? Do you know what might be a good way to get warm fuzzies? Mommy really likes it when you draw a picture, or baby sister always likes it when you bring her a toy." Here are some things that give cold pricklies "taking things, using our hands to show frustration, having a tantrum." Here are some things that give warm fuzzies "giving, touching gently, giving hugs, using our words, making something for someone." Keep reminding her about these lists (you could even use pictures to help her remember).
Then, also talk about "feeling cranky," which even mommies feel sometimes, when we don't have enough snacks or water or if we need to rest.
I find that talking about kinds of attention and about feeling cranky has made it unimportant for me to use time-outs or even taking things for discipline... although very rarely one or both things are necessary, especially if something dangerous occurs or I'm in a hurry and I don't have time to work things out with words.
I also avoid the words "no" and "don't," something recommended by the positive discipline technique. These words are hard for us to hear when used on us. It is kinder to remind what the positive behavior is than to discourage the negative behavior. "We use walking feet inside" rather than "No running inside." Also, this emphasizes "walking" rather than "running" so it's easier for the toddler to understand. OK, hope that helps. Good luck.

Hi M.,
I have to echo the statements you have already heard -- her behavior sounds pretty typical for a four year old. But in support of your concerns, I also have to say that if her behavior issues concern you, it would benefit you to educate yourself about learning issues so that you can have a better understanding of them. Some of the behaviors you describe can be indicative of a learning issue, particularly if they persist well beyond the age of four or five. My own daughter is now ten, and her behavior concerned me throughout her childhood because it seemed extreme. We had her tested at the age of five, which indicated she had ADHD, but because she was not having issues in school, we did not pursue a formal diagnosis or treatment, though I started reading up on ADHD to help me learn how to handle her. (And believe me, I needed all of the help I could get!!) It was not until the fourth grade that her performance in school started to slip, and we had psychoeducational testing done to confirm the ADHD. So, though now might be too young for anyone to say for sure if she has learning problems, do not entirely ignore your feelings that something might be wrong. Do some reading about learning disabilities in children. Then, if you are still concerned, discuss your observations and concerns with her pediatrician. A good pediatrician is well-informed about ADHD and other learning issues. Hang in there.

Your daughter is only four, I would not worry to much yet. My son was the same way and was like that at almost five years old. I had him tested to see if I should hold him back and was told that not all 5 year olds know there numbers or letters. I was told that he would still do fine in school. He would also react the same way and get very frustered and we would only work on 3 letters at a time. Some of these are signs of ADHD as some one else said. Kids with ADHD act differnetly and act worse with the parent who has them the most. There is a book that I learned alot from call something like, Do you know my child. The author talkes about the challenges of dealing with kids with ADHD. It is more then just them being unable to focus, there are other issues also and I think if you look now you maybe able to prevent worsening problems now. I had my son diagnosed at 5 and a half and had to fight to get him seen. THey said he was too young, by then my son was very defiant. I wish I had read the book sooner. Anyways, I hope this helps, you are not alone. Read up on ADHD, some of the behavior tips may help you with your 4 year old even if she does not have it. You have a few years to go to worry about that. Just try to go over them with her and do work sheets as others have said. Try not to push to much, it only makes it worse. It will get better.

step away from the leap pad. my daughters reading lessons come from the books we read at night and signs we see on walks, from menus and junk mail. she brings me these things because she's interested and motivated! i fear if i push her that she will lose her motivation to learn. a little leap pad is probably ok but she might have more fun 'writing' with letter shaped stamps on blank paper or reading to her stuffed animals. as for behaviour the other ladies here are far more experienced with the sibling stuff. good luck.

Right now she seems to be behaving normally; try not to take it personally. If she's still doing this at 5 you may need to look futher. If your daughter reaches grade school and is still struggling with letters/numbers in a linear format, then she may need what amounts to physical therapy for her eyes. You would need to locate an optometrist who is trained in optical therapy. My daughter had an eye-tracking problem that didn't become apparent until she was in 2nd grade. Up until then she was labeled "ADD", but that was a symptom of her avoidance of a painful difficulty in her vision. The optometrist evaluated her, gave me a folder of visual games, along with some simple devices, taught me what to do, and then I did therapy sessions with my daughter every day for 8 weeks. End of problem! There is an optometric college in San Diego that does this training, but there is a national association for this that can direct you to a local provider. We lived in San Diego at the time, so I don't know who does this here. My daughter is now 21 yrs.old.

so your four year old only throws a fit and acts up when she is with you, sounds like she spends too much time with mommie
and is used to it, climbing in the crib with a smaller child
should be curtailed and stopped because there is a serious
risk of injury to one child or the other.put a fairly heavy
chair that conviently will block her from climbing into the
younger childs crib. too many children are labeled as learning disabiled because they simply learn at a different
rate or they are bored.or they are not ready to learn the
material.
K. h.

I think everyone gets frustrated when they don't 'get' something or aren't really interested in it...although at 3 years old, she doesn't know how to handle those feelings and it cause her to react in the only way she knows how. Try making it a fun activity and when she gets stressed, move on to something else....then she won't feel too much pressure and in turn start to hate learning. You can also play fun games with her that will help her learn as well - using flash cards with pictures, board games, etc...but she is still young and doesn't need to know all that stuff right now - she will learn in time! I started teaching things to my DSD the summer before she started kindergarten and she enjoyed doing worksheet activities printed off the computer...there were coloring sheets, numbers, letters, etc...and I would read with her every night. She enjoyed the time we spent together and it also helped her to stay busy while I was cooking, cleaning, etc...and when she started K she had a head start....but there were still tons of kids that didn't know any numbers or letters when they started school - so I wouldn't worry about it - she is probably ahead of schedule any way. Just relax and she will relax....and as for the behavioral issues - she is 3!! She will have way worse things come up till she is probably 5 at least. Testing boundaries, acting out, saying 'I don't know' because she can't express why she is acting out...all that is totally typical. Just be consistent and bide your time till she grows up a bit. Have consequences, but don't take it personally....you are with her all day so she feels more comfortable to act out with you....joys of motherhood. :)

yep - sounds like a typical 4 year old to me!

It sounds like you are writing about my 4 yr old daughter!! Don't worry yourself , she does not have learning issues , my daughter knows a few letters and numbers but she is at preschool 3 mornings/week , so if your daughter isn't then she is not being taught it yet. My daughter also does things like get into my youngests crib and then cannot answer why she has done it. I think there is still a little bit of jealousy , all you can do is be firm and consistent with what she can and cannot do and she will learn eventually.

I think it sounds like normal behavior. I definitely don't think there is any need to stress over he getting frustrated with learning. She's at the right age to learn those things, but it takes many children longer to master them than parents think.

Keep in mind, while those games are good learning tools, they shouldn't be the only learning tool. Learning is something that can happen just about anywhere with anything...we all learned without the technology kids have today.

Its possible the behavior issues stem from her brain being over-stimulated from play the Leap Frog for too L.. It could also be a little sibbling jealousy/rivalry.

The Kingsbury Center, www.kingsbury.org, offers a screening for preschoolers to check whether there might be any precursor to learning disability or whether the child is on target for his/her age. Good luck.